What Serious Advice would you offer this guy? - Page 2

teedubya · 03-13-2008, 11:20 PM

I just got this comment from a post on controlling personality on my blog and I wanted to share it with you guys, and I'm going to message the guy offline. He seems pretty distressed.

http://cultivategreatness.com/2006/1...out-of-control

What advice would you have for this guy?

"I have been Marrried for 13 years and my Wife i a control freak, she tells me what i can and cant do and if i do the opposite she makes me fell inferior which pisses me off and we end up in a dispute we have 12 grand in the bank i take out 20 dollars and i get my ass chewed but she can spend what ever she wants without any questions, i sit in a chair tha squeaks she throughs a fit, I talk I get told to shut up, I can not take ita anymore i am a step father to two children and cant stand to leave her because of them but i feel like i am in a prison what can I do to help her change oh by the way she does nothing wrong ever and she is alays right about everything so you cant tell her she is in the wrong Help!!!!!!!!!!"

-------

any insight?

kepp · 03-14-2008, 06:56 AM

This reminds me of an ex-neighbor. Every time he saw me outside doing stuff around the house he would come over and ask for advice about his "relationship". The two of them weren't married, she had kids and she definitely carried his jewels in her purse. She would (according to him) incite her kids to make fun of him for being overweight, ugly, etc and then join in. They had the same issues about money. I told him to move out of there and get on with your life...you're being abused. But he never did, so I finally told him to stop asking for advice if he wasn't going to follow it. The dude was seriously codependent.

DTLB58 · 03-14-2008, 06:59 AM

I would take her name off any joint banking accounts, take any credit cards away if there are any and give her say a $100 bucks a month allowance and tell her to STFD and

.

If she don't like it she can leave.

Seriously, If they really want to keep the marriage they can go into counseling and that should either make or break the relationship.

DTLB58 · 03-14-2008, 07:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kepp

This reminds me of an ex-neighbor. Every time he saw me outside doing stuff around the house he would come over and ask for advice about his "relationship". The two of them weren't married, she had kids and she definitely carried his jewels in her purse. She would (according to him) incite her kids to make fun of him for being overweight, ugly, etc and then join in. They had the same issues about money. I told him to move out of there and get on with your life...you're being abused. But he never did, so I finally told him to stop asking for advice if he wasn't going to follow it. The dude was seriously codependent.

Good advice, both times.

MIAdragon · 03-14-2008, 07:14 AM

This.

Stryker · 03-14-2008, 07:17 AM

Grow a set of nuts and

Braincase · 03-14-2008, 07:18 AM

He needs to get mad, recount all the ways she is domineering, if she interrupts tell her that he's not finished so sit the **** and shut the **** up if she has any interest in saving this marriage. At the end of it all, he's gotta look her straight in the eye and ask her if this is the same way her first marriage ended.

He might have two step kids, but unless he stands up for himself, he's not being much of a role model. He needs to pull himself up to a level playing field and just once make her feel as bad as she makes him feel.

Either that, or he leaves a note saying that he's checking into a hotel or staying at a friends house and he's planning on contacting an attorney unless she agrees to go to counseling.

KC Kings · 03-14-2008, 07:22 AM

Three words come to mind...

Five Across the Eyes

That is four words, but for the best effect you say 'the eyes' quickly so they are blended into a 1 syllable word.

Chief Chief · 03-14-2008, 09:06 AM

I agree with Braincase.

Note that the wife always knows she's right. She most likely won't go to counseling because she knows in her mind that she's not doing anything that needs fixing. So he could invite her to counseling but she'll probably refuse to go, in which he's then justified in threatening legal action unless she goes to a counselor. Even then, she'll probably go just to go and won't heed the advice of the counselor. But at least he'll see her true colors and realize that she's beyond hope or help. The kids should go to their own counseling session with the guy just so they learn how to show proper respect to their stepdad. Yep, it looks like the kids will be the victims as their parents' relationship will be severed but at least the body count won't increase to 3 and hopefully the kids will see that their mom is really the cause of the broken marriage.

Fish · 03-14-2008, 09:27 AM

I have serious doubts about ever changing a woman in that bad of mental shape. I've seen friends try to "help" a woman like that in the past. Thinking she was a project that they could fix into a quality person.

Uhh uhh.... it doesn't happen....

Cut your losses and tell the crazy lady to get help.

Sully · 03-14-2008, 09:31 AM

The problem is all inside your head, she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
Id like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover

She said its really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning wont be lost or misconstrued
But Ill repeat myself at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

Just slip out the back, jack
Make a new plan, stan
You dont need to be coy, roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, gus
You dont need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, lee
And get yourself free

Just slip out the back, jack
Make a new plan, stan
You dont need to be coy, roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, gus
You dont need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, lee
And get yourself free

She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways

She said why dont we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning youll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

Just slip out the back, jack
Make a new plan, stan
You dont need to be coy, roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, gus
You dont need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, lee
And get yourself free

You just slip out the back, jack
Make a new plan, stan
You dont need to be coy, roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, gus
You dont need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, lee
And get yourself free

Ultra Peanut · 03-14-2008, 09:34 AM

SEVER

**Bowser** · 03-14-2008, 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ari Chi3fs

I just got this comment from a post on controlling personality on my blog and I wanted to share it with you guys, and I'm going to message the guy offline. He seems pretty distressed.

http://cultivategreatness.com/2006/1...out-of-control

What advice would you have for this guy?

"I have been Marrried for 13 years and my Wife i a control freak, she tells me what i can and cant do and if i do the opposite she makes me fell inferior which pisses me off and we end up in a dispute we have 12 grand in the bank i take out 20 dollars and i get my ass chewed but she can spend what ever she wants without any questions, i sit in a chair tha squeaks she throughs a fit, I talk I get told to shut up, I can not take ita anymore i am a step father to two children and cant stand to leave her because of them but i feel like i am in a prison what can I do to help her change oh by the way she does nothing wrong ever and she is alays right about everything so you cant tell her she is in the wrong Help!!!!!!!!!!"

-------

any insight?

Who knows what happened to this dude to make him so subserviant like this. He just needs to speak his mind, tell her exactly what he wants and doesn't want from this relationship, and if she blows up at him for speaking his mind, they need to have a trial seperation. It sounds like he's waiting around, waiting for her to change her ways and realize that he's a better guy than she's giving him credit for. Ain't gonna happen.

Sure-Oz · 03-14-2008, 10:18 AM

I'd bust her lip open with a bowling ball...

the guy has major insecurities, id start getting the control back, but the guy needs to grow a pair first.

**penguinz** · 03-14-2008, 10:23 AM

Suggest some entry level english courses at the local community college.

el borracho · 03-14-2008, 10:52 AM

1st option: leave
2nd option: get counseling

03-13-2008, 11:20 PM
teedubya Most Valuable Poster Join Date: Oct 2003 Casino cash: $8993042	What Serious Advice would you offer this guy? I just got this comment from a post on controlling personality on my blog and I wanted to share it with you guys, and I'm going to message the guy offline. He seems pretty distressed. http://cultivategreatness.com/2006/1...out-of-control What advice would you have for this guy? "I have been Marrried for 13 years and my Wife i a control freak, she tells me what i can and cant do and if i do the opposite she makes me fell inferior which pisses me off and we end up in a dispute we have 12 grand in the bank i take out 20 dollars and i get my ass chewed but she can spend what ever she wants without any questions, i sit in a chair tha squeaks she throughs a fit, I talk I get told to shut up, I can not take ita anymore i am a step father to two children and cant stand to leave her because of them but i feel like i am in a prison what can I do to help her change oh by the way she does nothing wrong ever and she is alays right about everything so you cant tell her she is in the wrong Help!!!!!!!!!!" ------- any insight?
Posts: 36,832

03-14-2008, 06:56 AM	#16
kepp MVP Join Date: Aug 2005 Casino cash: $3479212	This reminds me of an ex-neighbor. Every time he saw me outside doing stuff around the house he would come over and ask for advice about his "relationship". The two of them weren't married, she had kids and she definitely carried his jewels in her purse. She would (according to him) incite her kids to make fun of him for being overweight, ugly, etc and then join in. They had the same issues about money. I told him to move out of there and get on with your life...you're being abused. But he never did, so I finally told him to stop asking for advice if he wasn't going to follow it. The dude was seriously codependent.
Posts: 14,742

03-14-2008, 06:59 AM	#17
DTLB58 DT CARD COLLECTOR Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: ManCave Casino cash: $10005837	I would take her name off any joint banking accounts, take any credit cards away if there are any and give her say a $100 bucks a month allowance and tell her to STFD and . If she don't like it she can leave. Seriously, If they really want to keep the marriage they can go into counseling and that should either make or break the relationship. __________________ 667 Different DT cards and counting
Posts: 7,574

03-14-2008, 07:14 AM	#19
MIAdragon Someone pass the antifreeze Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Miami (North Cuba) Casino cash: $-2172181	This.
Posts: 15,943

03-14-2008, 07:17 AM	#20
Stryker Super Bowl LVIII Champions! Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Baton Rouge, LA Casino cash: $-415364	Grow a set of nuts and __________________ Super Bowl LVIII Champions!
Posts: 6,532

03-14-2008, 07:18 AM	#21
Braincase Banned Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Pond> Me <Barn Casino cash: $11298284	He needs to get mad, recount all the ways she is domineering, if she interrupts tell her that he's not finished so sit the ** and shut the ** up if she has any interest in saving this marriage. At the end of it all, he's gotta look her straight in the eye and ask her if this is the same way her first marriage ended. He might have two step kids, but unless he stands up for himself, he's not being much of a role model. He needs to pull himself up to a level playing field and just once make her feel as bad as she makes him feel. Either that, or he leaves a note saying that he's checking into a hotel or staying at a friends house and he's planning on contacting an attorney unless she agrees to go to counseling. __________________ BrainCase
Posts: 15,429

03-14-2008, 07:22 AM	#22
KC Kings Veteran Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: KC Casino cash: $10004900	Three words come to mind... Five Across the Eyes That is four words, but for the best effect you say 'the eyes' quickly so they are blended into a 1 syllable word.
Posts: 4,348

03-14-2008, 09:06 AM	#23
Chief Chief Veteran Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Kansas City MO Casino cash: $10004900	I agree with Braincase. Note that the wife always knows she's right. She most likely won't go to counseling because she knows in her mind that she's not doing anything that needs fixing. So he could invite her to counseling but she'll probably refuse to go, in which he's then justified in threatening legal action unless she goes to a counselor. Even then, she'll probably go just to go and won't heed the advice of the counselor. But at least he'll see her true colors and realize that she's beyond hope or help. The kids should go to their own counseling session with the guy just so they learn how to show proper respect to their stepdad. Yep, it looks like the kids will be the victims as their parents' relationship will be severed but at least the body count won't increase to 3 and hopefully the kids will see that their mom is really the cause of the broken marriage.
Posts: 3,072

03-14-2008, 09:27 AM	#24
Fish Ain't no relax! Join Date: Sep 2005 Casino cash: $-1401081	I have serious doubts about ever changing a woman in that bad of mental shape. I've seen friends try to "help" a woman like that in the past. Thinking she was a project that they could fix into a quality person. Uhh uhh.... it doesn't happen.... Cut your losses and tell the crazy lady to get help. __________________
Posts: 48,850

03-14-2008, 09:31 AM	#25
Sully It Goes On Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Lees Summit Casino cash: $10026331	The problem is all inside your head, she said to me The answer is easy if you take it logically Id like to help you in your struggle to be free There must be fifty ways to leave your lover She said its really not my habit to intrude Furthermore, I hope my meaning wont be lost or misconstrued But Ill repeat myself at the risk of being crude There must be fifty ways to leave your lover Fifty ways to leave your lover Just slip out the back, jack Make a new plan, stan You dont need to be coy, roy Just get yourself free Hop on the bus, gus You dont need to discuss much Just drop off the key, lee And get yourself free Just slip out the back, jack Make a new plan, stan You dont need to be coy, roy Just get yourself free Hop on the bus, gus You dont need to discuss much Just drop off the key, lee And get yourself free She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again I said I appreciate that and would you please explain About the fifty ways She said why dont we both just sleep on it tonight And I believe in the morning youll begin to see the light And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right There must be fifty ways to leave your lover Fifty ways to leave your lover Just slip out the back, jack Make a new plan, stan You dont need to be coy, roy Just get yourself free Hop on the bus, gus You dont need to discuss much Just drop off the key, lee And get yourself free You just slip out the back, jack Make a new plan, stan You dont need to be coy, roy Just get yourself free Hop on the bus, gus You dont need to discuss much Just drop off the key, lee And get yourself free __________________ "And I don't wish that girl any bad luck," he said, "but I hope she gets hit with a car." - Tommy Lasorda
Posts: 18,295

03-14-2008, 09:34 AM	#26
Ultra Peanut v^V^v^V^v^V^ Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Holland* Casino cash: $10005177	SEVER __________________ Last edited by Ultra Peanut; 03-14-2008 at 09:39 AM..
Posts: 39,518

03-14-2008, 10:18 AM	#28
Sure-Oz Stay positive, don't give up Join Date: Dec 2001 Casino cash: $1679383	I'd bust her lip open with a bowling ball... the guy has major insecurities, id start getting the control back, but the guy needs to grow a pair first.
Posts: 46,310

03-14-2008, 10:23 AM	#29
penguinz Supporter Join Date: Mar 2003 Casino cash: $727626	Suggest some entry level english courses at the local community college. __________________
Posts: 17,249

03-14-2008, 10:52 AM	#30
el borracho In Pat We Trust Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Albuquerque, NM Casino cash: $2549148	1st option: leave 2nd option: get counseling
Posts: 12,266

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode