Social Anxiety

[TLO]

Anyone ever have issues with social anxiety before?

I've noticed myself being uncomfortable with large crowds of people as far back as 3rd or 4th grade. Recently though, I'm noticing it around people all together. Yesterday we had a medium size group for Easter dinner, mostly family, and I didn't really talk to anyone. Sometimes I have difficulty going to class because I'm afraid I'll be judged, or God forbid the professor puts us into a small group to do an activity.

Any thoughts or opinions are welcome.

[keg in kc]

Originally Posted by C3HIEF3S

I know exactly how you feel Big Smoke.

Mine mainly stems, I think, from being afraid of being judged. The worst part about going to a party or hanging out with friends for me is the first 10 minutes or so. I need to know what to expect from whatever I am going into. The worst part about going to a party or whatever for me is the fear that I go and don't know anyone and look like an idiot.

That sounds like projection. I know that one real well. The underlying thing is that whether you realize it or not on a conscious level you have a certain ingrained image of yourself, whether it's permanent or just based on the situation you're facing, and basically you expect other people to see you that way, too. And it doesn't even have to be a 'real' thing, some of my favorites are fantasy worst case scenarios that are basically just figments of my imagination.

[Bearcat]

Seriously though, it's all public speaking for me... hell, even the difference between presenting something in a meeting while sitting or while standing makes a big difference.

It sucks, because in my mind, it's just not a big deal, but once I'm standing there ready to go, my subconscious and body think differently.

[keg in kc]

Originally Posted by Mojo Jojo

I've had/still have anxiety issues. See a medical professional...I've had input from both primary care and a shrink. Things that have helped me. Regular exercise even if it's just walking. Yoga or other stretching activities. And of course I do have a script for anti anxiety meds, but it's take only as needed. I use them a lot less than I use to. For me Xanax was over rated, Hydroxyzine works great for me...when I feel an attack coming on and nothing else has helped take one...20 minutes later you feel like you've just had a glass or two of wine.
Good luck!

Yeah, definitely exercise helps. Regular sleep is good, too.

I don't think any of us can emphasize the professional help part enough. I never had that option (no medical insurance for basically my entire adult life) so I've had to fight through it on my own. I hate to drop the "if I knew then what I know now" card, but I would put 25 year old me in therapy if I could. I think it would make 40 year old me's life a whole lot better than it is.

[Jimmya]

Sometimes I feel that way. I think maybe it's because I was raised in a very small community. Best of luck.

[ptlyon]

Personally, I blame the Chiefs. Never seeing a SB in my lifetime I'm sure has had an affect on having some psychosis.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Bearcat

Seriously though, it's all public speaking for me... hell, even the difference between presenting something in a meeting while sitting or while standing makes a big difference.

It sucks, because in my mind, it's just not a big deal, but once I'm standing there ready to go, my subconscious and body think differently.

I wonder why that happens. Like I mentioned, it's gone away for me due to practice, but I still have to tamp it down a bit if there's a long introduction or if I'm the third speaker or something and have to wait.

I bet it's an evolutionary thing where cavemen would rush a speaking caveman and kill him if they got bored with the presentation. There's got to be some good reason for it.

[ptlyon]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I bet it's an evolutionary thing where cavemen would rush a speaking caveman and kill him if they got bored with the presentation. There's got to be some good reason for it.

I think you just know you are poor at presentations

[keg in kc]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I wonder why that happens. Like I mentioned, it's gone away for me due to practice, but I still have to tamp it down a bit if there's a long introduction or if I'm the third speaker or something and have to wait.

Unfortunate how picturing everyone in their underwear stops being a viable option after college.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by ptlyon

I think you just know you are poor at presentations

I took an NFL-sponsored course on public speaking, and it helped a lot. My only weakness at this point is that every fourth word I say is "yaknowwhatImean".

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by keg in kc

Unfortunate how picturing everyone in their underwear stops being a viable option after college.

My challenge is that I do that when I'm not speaking, so it makes no difference.

[ptlyon]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I took an NFL-sponsored course on public speaking, and it helped a lot. My only weakness at this point is that every fourth word I say is "yaknowwhatImean".

Well, that's better than aiiiiiite or mmmmhmmmm

Funny you do that. Have a friend that does the same thing all the time. It does tend to drive you crazy

[NewChief]

Speaking of public speaking:

I just sponsored a high school team at a Start Up Weeekend. Our pitch guy kept trying to memorize his pitch, and it was killing me. I kept trying to get him to just hit the talking points and use the AV to help him remember the statistics/numbers in the pitch. Sadly, he wasn't comfortable with that and ended up going with his memorized presentation. He flubbed his first few lines (missing his killer hook), and it was painful. He recovered for the rest of the pitch, but the damage was done.

Anyway, after working with them (all high school kids), I realized how speaking extemporaneously in front of people is such an acquired skill that most are uncomfortable performing.

[Bearcat]

Originally Posted by ptlyon

I think you just know you are poor at presentations

The amount of confidence I have in knowing what I'm talking about definitely helps at work, but not other times. The first time I did some training in front of 20-30 people at work, I thought I'd be really nervous, but wasn't at all, and I attributed it to basically being an expert at the material (well, and it was pretty simple material, too).

Spoke at a wedding about a year ago and all I had to do was read, which I'm pretty good at, and I thought my leg was going to fall off from the shaking. Two minutes prior? I've got this. 30 seconds after? Life is normal once again. Those 45 seconds or 3 months or whatever it was really sucked though.

I've thought about doing Toast Masters... it would probably only be Hell the first handful of times.

[vailpass]

You aren't what you think you are. You're what you think others think you are. **** ' em. Change that way of thinking and you'll be fine.

[ptlyon]

Originally Posted by vailpass

You aren't what you think you are. You're what you think others think you are. **** ' em. Change that way of thinking and you'll be fine.

You forgot one important piece