Chiefs Doggity Report: Week One

**gblowfish** · 09-12-2017, 10:16 AM

My good pal Mr. Doggity is blogging Chiefs this year. He hasn't done it for a long time. I enjoy his writing style. I'll share it with you when he posts:

The Doggity Chiefs Report
Week 1 – 2017
Chiefs at Patsies
Razorblade Stadium, Cheaterboro, MA.

Overview: Everyone knew the outcome of this game before it ever started. The Chiefs were playing the role of the Washington Generals – that bunch of scrubs who are the butt of the Harlem Globetrotters’ antics. Hell, the Patriots’ fans thought their actual opponent on Thursday night was NFL Commish, Roger Goodell. I’m not sure most of them even knew who the guys in the red hats were. No, this was going to be yet another yawner pasting of some defenseless hacks by Brady and Hoodie and the already-crowned champion, soon-to-be 19-0 Patriots.
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Sorry.

Offense: They started off a bit rough, with the rookie Kareem Hunt fumbling his first touch. This is a guy who went through his entire college career without coughing it up even once. Not exactly an auspicious start. But the kid would redeem himself in a huge way. Ultimately he finished the game with 148 yards on the ground and another 98 receiving, including a 75 yard bomb, and three TD’s. He was a fantasy stat machine. He showed quickness, patience, power and illusiveness in racking up the most yards from scrimmage in a debut by anyone since the league merger. As for that bomb – Who was that #11 dude? Did Smith and Mahomes change shirts? This was probably the best overall performance of Alex Smith’s pro career. For those calling him Capt Checkdown, the Duke of dink and dunk, he looked more like Brady than Brady did. It wasn’t all pretty. Way too many penalties on the O-linemen, and for all his talent, Travis Kelce can’t seem to go an entire week without doing something to embarrass himself, and hurt the team. But overall, I’ll take this offensive performance in any game.

Defense: For the first half, the defense seemed to be sleepwalking. Brady and Gillislee were pretty much moving at will. Athough, credit them with the big stop after the Hunt fumble. The second half, they were a different unit. Finally they were getting to Brady and slamming the door on drives. Eric Berry single-handedly put a clown suit on Rob Gronkowski. Houston got his two sacks, Marcus Peters eliminated one entire side of the field. DJ only lead the team in tackles, as usual. Again, there were flies in the ointment. The penalties on Mitchell kept the hapless Pats in the game in the second half. But the real blow came in the fourth quarter when All-world safety, Eric Berry limped off the field with a season-ending Achilles injury.

Specials: The Petite Brazilian made his PATs. He was not ever asked to kick any field goals. His groin injury seems to still nag him, as his kickoffs were shorter than usual. Colquitt dropped some good punts. None of the return guys ever got out of the gate, and there were too many “look out!” blocks. Overall, a pretty mediocre night for Toub’s unit.

Doggity Dog – Travis Kelce and his “ball placement” antic could have been damaging.

Give Him a Bone – Gotta go with the rookie, Hunt. What a coming out party for that kid.

The Rest of the West -
The Las Vegas Criminals – Managed to eek out a win against the Mariota-less Titans in very unimpressive fashion.

The 420 Donkeys – Held on by the skin of their teeth in a sloppy home opener that featured Jamaal Charles returning the favor, and coughing up the ball late, leading to a score.

The Lost Angel Dolts – Phyllis Rivers yet again manages to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Glad to see the change of venue hasn’t changed that.

Next up – The pupil, Pederson, comes to Arrowhead to face his teacher, Reid as the Eagles play in KC.

Your faithful Scribe,
Mr. Doggity.

Rasputin · 09-12-2017, 10:18 AM

Mike Vic isn't even still a Chief intern is he? Dog gone.

**TimBone** · 09-12-2017, 10:30 AM

I enjoyed that, but why did he call the Titans Mariota-less?

**gblowfish** · 09-12-2017, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ModBone

I enjoyed that, but why did he call the Titans Mariota-less?

Dunno. I'll ask him.

kc rush · 09-12-2017, 04:46 PM

Glad these are back. I always enjoyed them.

MMXcalibur · 09-12-2017, 08:01 PM

I remember reading old Doggity Reports back when I first came in the military around 2002-2003ish. Glad to see they've come back!

Thanks Doggity (and George)!

09-12-2017, 10:16 AM
gblowfish Be Kind To Your Pets Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Glorious Independence, MO Casino cash: $16896178 VARSITY	Doggity Report: Week One My good pal Mr. Doggity is blogging Chiefs this year. He hasn't done it for a long time. I enjoy his writing style. I'll share it with you when he posts: The Doggity Chiefs Report Week 1 – 2017 Chiefs at Patsies Razorblade Stadium, Cheaterboro, MA. Overview: Everyone knew the outcome of this game before it ever started. The Chiefs were playing the role of the Washington Generals – that bunch of scrubs who are the butt of the Harlem Globetrotters’ antics. Hell, the Patriots’ fans thought their actual opponent on Thursday night was NFL Commish, Roger Goodell. I’m not sure most of them even knew who the guys in the red hats were. No, this was going to be yet another yawner pasting of some defenseless hacks by Brady and Hoodie and the already-crowned champion, soon-to-be 19-0 Patriots. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Sorry. Offense: They started off a bit rough, with the rookie Kareem Hunt fumbling his first touch. This is a guy who went through his entire college career without coughing it up even once. Not exactly an auspicious start. But the kid would redeem himself in a huge way. Ultimately he finished the game with 148 yards on the ground and another 98 receiving, including a 75 yard bomb, and three TD’s. He was a fantasy stat machine. He showed quickness, patience, power and illusiveness in racking up the most yards from scrimmage in a debut by anyone since the league merger. As for that bomb – Who was that #11 dude? Did Smith and Mahomes change shirts? This was probably the best overall performance of Alex Smith’s pro career. For those calling him Capt Checkdown, the Duke of dink and dunk, he looked more like Brady than Brady did. It wasn’t all pretty. Way too many penalties on the O-linemen, and for all his talent, Travis Kelce can’t seem to go an entire week without doing something to embarrass himself, and hurt the team. But overall, I’ll take this offensive performance in any game. Defense: For the first half, the defense seemed to be sleepwalking. Brady and Gillislee were pretty much moving at will. Athough, credit them with the big stop after the Hunt fumble. The second half, they were a different unit. Finally they were getting to Brady and slamming the door on drives. Eric Berry single-handedly put a clown suit on Rob Gronkowski. Houston got his two sacks, Marcus Peters eliminated one entire side of the field. DJ only lead the team in tackles, as usual. Again, there were flies in the ointment. The penalties on Mitchell kept the hapless Pats in the game in the second half. But the real blow came in the fourth quarter when All-world safety, Eric Berry limped off the field with a season-ending Achilles injury. Specials: The Petite Brazilian made his PATs. He was not ever asked to kick any field goals. His groin injury seems to still nag him, as his kickoffs were shorter than usual. Colquitt dropped some good punts. None of the return guys ever got out of the gate, and there were too many “look out!” blocks. Overall, a pretty mediocre night for Toub’s unit. Doggity Dog – Travis Kelce and his “ball placement” antic could have been damaging. Give Him a Bone – Gotta go with the rookie, Hunt. What a coming out party for that kid. The Rest of the West - The Las Vegas Criminals – Managed to eek out a win against the Mariota-less Titans in very unimpressive fashion. The 420 Donkeys – Held on by the skin of their teeth in a sloppy home opener that featured Jamaal Charles returning the favor, and coughing up the ball late, leading to a score. The Lost Angel Dolts – Phyllis Rivers yet again manages to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Glad to see the change of venue hasn’t changed that. Next up – The pupil, Pederson, comes to Arrowhead to face his teacher, Reid as the Eagles play in KC. Your faithful Scribe, Mr. Doggity.
Posts: 41,011

09-12-2017, 10:18 AM	#2
Rasputin Tip of the hat LIV Champs Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: ks Casino cash: $235421	Mike Vic isn't even still a Chief intern is he? Dog gone. __________________ "Those who don't believe in magic will never find it"
Posts: 56,907

09-12-2017, 10:30 AM	#3
TimBone Mostly Ignored Join Date: Jul 2013 Casino cash: $8419985	I enjoyed that, but why did he call the Titans Mariota-less?
Posts: 18,097

09-12-2017, 04:46 PM	#5
kc rush Blah Blah Blah Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: In front of the computer. Casino cash: $2069559	Glad these are back. I always enjoyed them.
Posts: 12,593

09-12-2017, 08:01 PM	#6
MMXcalibur Pessimistically optimistic. Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Denver, CO Casino cash: $-144914	I remember reading old Doggity Reports back when I first came in the military around 2002-2003ish. Glad to see they've come back! Thanks Doggity (and George)!
Posts: 16,747