Chiefs Standing In For Mr. Gblowfish And Things. - Page 2

FAX · 10-10-2021, 11:55 PM

To Whom It May Concern:

Mr. gblowfish sent me a message-thing in which he indicated that he would be late getting home after the big game. As a result, he handed off the ten-things baton to me and, although I slipped and fell when starting the second leg, I am making an effort to regain my feet and stumble through to the finish line.

Obviously, no one can replace the amazing Mr. gblowfish when it comes to things … or lists of things. As the originator and inventor of things, his role is irreplaceable, He has set standards that no mere mortal can reach and his star can never fade. Nonetheless, let's give this a shot, shall we?

To begin, I'd like to mention that I hesitate to blame officiating for wins and/or losses. On the other hand, it's hard to believe that Mahomes is forced to argue with the officials on the sideline over basic DPI calls downfield. Yet here we are. Kelce was mugged. And the “roughing” call after our pick was abysmal … any fair-minded person would agree. It was also a late call (post-INT, in my view) that reminded me of the late DPI call against the Steelers a few years ago. Apparently, the NFL is trying to beef up the publicity and merch sales in markets like LA and NY.

As for the Things … I didn’t count the things, so I don’t know how many there are. I am, after all, a novice layperson when it comes to things. Plus, I am terrible at analytics.

Coaching. During the first quarter, Sean McDermott (sp?) seemed pissed off a lot. He was prowling the sidelines like a caged animal. Meanwhile, Wally was cool until that bizarre OPI call on Josh Gordon. I thought they were going to have to call on the crash cart for Big Red after that debacle. Honestly, I thought Wally called a terrible game and the Bills had a far better plan. Wally tried to stretch the field horizontally without success. He tried to run the ball without success. Then he tried to throw the ball without our usual success. Even the screen game looked like a desert whore's vaginal discharge. Where, I muse, was the reverse? Perhaps he's keeping that in the bag for next week. Or maybe the Bills’ defensive speed made him think twice about it. (Or perhaps B. Enemy was put in charge.) Still, the play-calling left a lot to be desired. Is the Bills’ defense really that good? I think not.

Water: Since Mr. gblowfish is a historian, I thought I would mention this; as the rain began to fall, I had flashbacks of the 1998 game in Arrowhead against the Seahags. That was the Sunday Night game (which many Planeteers will recall) in which the Chiefs won 17 to 6. There was a delay in that game as well that produced the well-known, legendary photograph of the great Derrick Thomas sitting with his helmet between his cleats whilst enjoying a shower provided gratis by The Great Spirit. Even considering the lack of scoring, that was far more exciting than this slog. Remember when the Chiefs played defense?

On the subject of defense … what can one say? It's probably just me, but I thought Sorenson played like raw, pimply ass tonight. Another example of blatant missed tackles (in the backfield, no less) and busted-ass coverage that led to two (count 'em 2) big plays in the first half that accounted for the Bills' lead at the break. G-Rob and Uncle Bob would be proud. It isn't beyond the realm of possibility that Bran Vetch has attempted to throw a wrench into the NFL's machine by fielding the slowest defense in the history of the league. He and Spags have apparently collaborated in an effort to subvert our expectations to an extent heretofore considered unfathomable. At this point, Spags needs a spagging in the worst way and Vetch isn't far behind. The defense never allowed us to regain momentum.

Broadcast. I wish I had been at the game so I didn't have to listen to Chris Collinsworth (sp?) jabber on and on about how well the Bills defense was playing. I was forced to turn to tequila by the third quarter. In so doing, I invented a new drink I call the "F**k This." It combines Simply Apple apple juice, a splash of bitters, and a triple shot of Esponon. It does a body good when NFL announcers are causing uncontrollable tremors amongst their viewers. Plus, the problem with the broadcast is the inability to see the entire field. The NFL should really do something about that.

Rookie Defenders. Speaking of one's mental health being F'd up, Willy The Gay saw the field and apparently didn't know what to do as they were lining up to allow another 15-yard gain. You wouldn't think that opening the door to the first down marker wouldn't be that difficult. On the other hand, he did make a play or two in the second half and Bolton made some plays. That was encouraging. It’s simply amazing what some speed on defense can do in a football game.

Other newcomers. Josh Gordon made a play. A nice show of hands on a scramble/busted-play deal. Hopefully, this is merely the hor d'oeuvre and I'm looking forward to the entre. Meanwhile, Orlando is still getting beat by the speed rush and that, my friends, is very unfortunate.

Preparedness. I thought the Bills came to play with physicality and attitude whereas the Chiefs seemed tentative and uncertain. Sad to see. Mahomes appeared “off” all night. He seemed unsettled and our playmakers were basically shut down. Wally should have figured that out. Is it the player or the scheme? That, I think, is the Big Question. As much as I hate to admit it, I was prepared for a loss tonight. The Chiefs we have known for the last three years appear to have lost their way. Our current problems are insidious. The turnovers are killing us, the “methodical” approach to driving the field is methodically driving me insane, and I am running low on Esponon.

Animals. Since I don't have a cat to talk about (actually allergic), I feel compelled to mention that I shot a squirrel with a pellet gun this morning. I didn't mean to kill the little bastard, I just wanted to frighten him away from the bird feeder. Unfortunately for the squirrel and his family, I seem to have caught him square in the soft part of his little squirrel skull and he dropped like an X-Factor. I must admit that I felt bad about it. Perhaps I should go back to pitching Fruit Wheats and leave the deadly weaponry on the shelf. As far as I know, no squirrel has ever died from a Fruit Wheat assault.

AFCW. The Chargers won. The Chiefs are now cellar-dwellers. Disgusting. Wally needs to stop focusing on the “fun” trick plays and start working on means and methods to beat outside man coverage under a cover two shell. Flat passes aren’t going to cut it. Oh … and the officials need to call holding on Kelce on practically every play since it’s in the rule book and all.

CEH. Sad to see him go down. That was a tough game for the little dude.

Summary. I couldn’t watch the end of the game. Just couldn’t do it. I asked the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX to kill the feed after the fumbled snap play. After all, a man can only take so much. I’m not a person who believes in the joyous power of revenge or retaliation, but at this point, I’d like to see how much pain Spags and Vetch can endure. IMHO, an enthusiastic flogging is in order.

On to the WTFs. Maybe we can turn this thing around before Halloween.

Thanks for the challenge, Mr. gblowfish (this is harder than it looks). I hope you have a restful evening and remember ... there's always another game and another opportunity awaiting.

FAX

siberian khatru · 10-11-2021, 05:54 AM

You’re the Manny Mota of pinch-hitters, Fax

**digger** · 10-11-2021, 05:55 AM

Nice work Mr. Fax...

jdh81_06 · 10-11-2021, 06:16 AM

Entertaining write up for sure. I know some will hate me for saying this but the time to win a Championship is within the first four years of drafting your franchise QB. It allows for the additional cap space to build your roster in this ever changing league. Veach looked like a genius four years ago because he had the cap space to make personnel/drafting mistakes. The last two years are catching up with him because of the personnel mistakes that he’s made with Gay, Hardman, and many many others. He doesn’t have the $$$ nor the chops bring in the talent needed to repeat. We have Mahomes, so we always have a chance but if you look down the roster we have players that are way overpaid along with drafting bust that we keep hoping will turn the corner. Can we clean things up in the next few years, I think so but it will take a full roster rebuild particularly on defense. Do what I do when things get bad, go back and replay our Super Bowl win. Signing off from the guy who’s been on Chiefs Planet since 2018 and still can’t start my own thread. Cheers!

**Bwana** · 10-11-2021, 06:44 AM

Well done Mr. FAX.

F150 · 10-11-2021, 06:47 AM

Superb job.

Flying High D · 10-11-2021, 06:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jdh81_06

Entertaining write up for sure. I know some will hate me for saying this but the time to win a Championship is within the first four years of drafting your franchise QB. It allows for the additional cap space to build your roster in this ever changing league. Veach looked like a genius four years ago because he had the cap space to make personnel/drafting mistakes. The last two years are catching up with him because of the personnel mistakes that he’s made with Gay, Hardman, and many many others. He doesn’t have the $$$ nor the chops bring in the talent needed to repeat. We have Mahomes, so we always have a chance but if you look down the roster we have players that are way overpaid along with drafting bust that we keep hoping will turn the corner. Can we clean things up in the next few years, I think so but it will take a full roster rebuild particularly on defense. Do what I do when things get bad, go back and replay our Super Bowl win. Signing off from the guy who’s been on Chiefs Planet since 2018 and still can’t start my own post. Cheers!

Do you mean thread?

displacedinMN · 10-11-2021, 07:05 AM

Great job FAX. We may now have a frontrunner for when GB decides to hang it up.

I too gave up early. Rain delay and dog tired did me in.

Every time I hear the name Micah Hyde, I think of what he did at Iowa. Some of the great defensive plays in the last 20 years. I thought it could happen tonight. It did. He was in the right place at the right time tonight, but it payed off. I would take Iowa's D over ours right now.

I cannot believe we have the same record as the Vikes. Gag.

Graystoke · 10-11-2021, 07:08 AM

Thank you Mr. Fax.

jdh81_06 · 10-11-2021, 07:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flying High D

Do you mean thread?

Yes..revised..thanks

Hydrae · 10-11-2021, 08:38 AM

Very well done, Mr. Fax! Thank you for your time and insight and giving us an enjoyable read after that dumpster fire we all witnessed last night.

**PHOG** · 10-11-2021, 08:41 AM

Nice job!

We also turned it off as we were having violent weather during the 2nd half.

**Easy 6** · 10-11-2021, 08:44 AM

I'm with John McKay...

Thanks for the effort, Mr FAX

DJJasonp · 10-11-2021, 09:12 AM

problem with our offense: The dink and dunk/matriculate the ball down the field offense only works when you have a legit NFL-caliber running back.

We do not.

That gameplan worked at Buffalo last year, but that was primarily due to the surprise-factor and pre-CEH injury.

scho63 · 10-11-2021, 09:32 AM

The RTP call on Clark, which was complete and utter bullshit, changed the game and put it away for the Bills. It took away an interception at the Bills 48 with us having momentum after a score and gave the Bills the ball and they scored a TD to pretty much seal the victory.

It certainly wasn't the main or sole reason we lost, but when we came off of life support and started to walk again, the refs crushed us.

**gblowfish** · 10-11-2021, 02:02 PM

I wanted to thank Mr. Fax for taking the time to do the "Things" this week. I'm pretty sure its the first time the term "desert whore's vaginal discharge" has appeared in the annals of The Things, but different writers express things differently...

It's extremely difficult to write one of these on the heels of a difficult loss. So Mr. Fax was saddled with an impressive turd to polish.

We have three more guest writers as the next three legs of the relay. Next up: The Washington Used to Be Racist Football Team.

Everybody please make sure to hit Mr. Fax with some rep for the effort.

We all had a bad night, so let's try to make chicken salad out of .... the rest of October!

10-10-2021, 11:55 PM
FAX testing ... 1, 2, 3 Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Tennessee Casino cash: $6753759	Standing In For Mr. Gblowfish And Things. To Whom It May Concern: Mr. gblowfish sent me a message-thing in which he indicated that he would be late getting home after the big game. As a result, he handed off the ten-things baton to me and, although I slipped and fell when starting the second leg, I am making an effort to regain my feet and stumble through to the finish line. Obviously, no one can replace the amazing Mr. gblowfish when it comes to things … or lists of things. As the originator and inventor of things, his role is irreplaceable, He has set standards that no mere mortal can reach and his star can never fade. Nonetheless, let's give this a shot, shall we? To begin, I'd like to mention that I hesitate to blame officiating for wins and/or losses. On the other hand, it's hard to believe that Mahomes is forced to argue with the officials on the sideline over basic DPI calls downfield. Yet here we are. Kelce was mugged. And the “roughing” call after our pick was abysmal … any fair-minded person would agree. It was also a late call (post-INT, in my view) that reminded me of the late DPI call against the Steelers a few years ago. Apparently, the NFL is trying to beef up the publicity and merch sales in markets like LA and NY. As for the Things … I didn’t count the things, so I don’t know how many there are. I am, after all, a novice layperson when it comes to things. Plus, I am terrible at analytics. Coaching. During the first quarter, Sean McDermott (sp?) seemed pissed off a lot. He was prowling the sidelines like a caged animal. Meanwhile, Wally was cool until that bizarre OPI call on Josh Gordon. I thought they were going to have to call on the crash cart for Big Red after that debacle. Honestly, I thought Wally called a terrible game and the Bills had a far better plan. Wally tried to stretch the field horizontally without success. He tried to run the ball without success. Then he tried to throw the ball without our usual success. Even the screen game looked like a desert whore's vaginal discharge. Where, I muse, was the reverse? Perhaps he's keeping that in the bag for next week. Or maybe the Bills’ defensive speed made him think twice about it. (Or perhaps B. Enemy was put in charge.) Still, the play-calling left a lot to be desired. Is the Bills’ defense really that good? I think not. Water: Since Mr. gblowfish is a historian, I thought I would mention this; as the rain began to fall, I had flashbacks of the 1998 game in Arrowhead against the Seahags. That was the Sunday Night game (which many Planeteers will recall) in which the Chiefs won 17 to 6. There was a delay in that game as well that produced the well-known, legendary photograph of the great Derrick Thomas sitting with his helmet between his cleats whilst enjoying a shower provided gratis by The Great Spirit. Even considering the lack of scoring, that was far more exciting than this slog. Remember when the Chiefs played defense? On the subject of defense … what can one say? It's probably just me, but I thought Sorenson played like raw, pimply ass tonight. Another example of blatant missed tackles (in the backfield, no less) and busted-ass coverage that led to two (count 'em 2) big plays in the first half that accounted for the Bills' lead at the break. G-Rob and Uncle Bob would be proud. It isn't beyond the realm of possibility that Bran Vetch has attempted to throw a wrench into the NFL's machine by fielding the slowest defense in the history of the league. He and Spags have apparently collaborated in an effort to subvert our expectations to an extent heretofore considered unfathomable. At this point, Spags needs a spagging in the worst way and Vetch isn't far behind. The defense never allowed us to regain momentum. Broadcast. I wish I had been at the game so I didn't have to listen to Chris Collinsworth (sp?) jabber on and on about how well the Bills defense was playing. I was forced to turn to tequila by the third quarter. In so doing, I invented a new drink I call the "F**k This." It combines Simply Apple apple juice, a splash of bitters, and a triple shot of Esponon. It does a body good when NFL announcers are causing uncontrollable tremors amongst their viewers. Plus, the problem with the broadcast is the inability to see the entire field. The NFL should really do something about that. Rookie Defenders. Speaking of one's mental health being F'd up, Willy The Gay saw the field and apparently didn't know what to do as they were lining up to allow another 15-yard gain. You wouldn't think that opening the door to the first down marker wouldn't be that difficult. On the other hand, he did make a play or two in the second half and Bolton made some plays. That was encouraging. It’s simply amazing what some speed on defense can do in a football game. Other newcomers. Josh Gordon made a play. A nice show of hands on a scramble/busted-play deal. Hopefully, this is merely the hor d'oeuvre and I'm looking forward to the entre. Meanwhile, Orlando is still getting beat by the speed rush and that, my friends, is very unfortunate. Preparedness. I thought the Bills came to play with physicality and attitude whereas the Chiefs seemed tentative and uncertain. Sad to see. Mahomes appeared “off” all night. He seemed unsettled and our playmakers were basically shut down. Wally should have figured that out. Is it the player or the scheme? That, I think, is the Big Question. As much as I hate to admit it, I was prepared for a loss tonight. The Chiefs we have known for the last three years appear to have lost their way. Our current problems are insidious. The turnovers are killing us, the “methodical” approach to driving the field is methodically driving me insane, and I am running low on Esponon. Animals. Since I don't have a cat to talk about (actually allergic), I feel compelled to mention that I shot a squirrel with a pellet gun this morning. I didn't mean to kill the little bastard, I just wanted to frighten him away from the bird feeder. Unfortunately for the squirrel and his family, I seem to have caught him square in the soft part of his little squirrel skull and he dropped like an X-Factor. I must admit that I felt bad about it. Perhaps I should go back to pitching Fruit Wheats and leave the deadly weaponry on the shelf. As far as I know, no squirrel has ever died from a Fruit Wheat assault. AFCW. The Chargers won. The Chiefs are now cellar-dwellers. Disgusting. Wally needs to stop focusing on the “fun” trick plays and start working on means and methods to beat outside man coverage under a cover two shell. Flat passes aren’t going to cut it. Oh … and the officials need to call holding on Kelce on practically every play since it’s in the rule book and all. CEH. Sad to see him go down. That was a tough game for the little dude. Summary. I couldn’t watch the end of the game. Just couldn’t do it. I asked the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX to kill the feed after the fumbled snap play. After all, a man can only take so much. I’m not a person who believes in the joyous power of revenge or retaliation, but at this point, I’d like to see how much pain Spags and Vetch can endure. IMHO, an enthusiastic flogging is in order. On to the WTFs. Maybe we can turn this thing around before Halloween. Thanks for the challenge, Mr. gblowfish (this is harder than it looks). I hope you have a restful evening and remember ... there's always another game and another opportunity awaiting. FAX
Posts: 44,492

10-11-2021, 05:54 AM	#16
siberian khatru 21st Century Schizoid Fan Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: The Gates of Delirium Casino cash: $-1165050	You’re the Manny Mota of pinch-hitters, Fax
Posts: 71,855

10-11-2021, 05:55 AM	#17
digger Thread I will end you....... Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Kansas City, KS Casino cash: $-1330000 VARSITY	Nice work Mr. Fax... __________________ Patrick Mahomes II MVP 2X Super Bowl MVP 3x Travis Kelce TE GOAT
Posts: 10,529

10-11-2021, 06:16 AM	#18
jdh81_06 Starter Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Washington DC suburbs Casino cash: $9590400	Entertaining write up for sure. I know some will hate me for saying this but the time to win a Championship is within the first four years of drafting your franchise QB. It allows for the additional cap space to build your roster in this ever changing league. Veach looked like a genius four years ago because he had the cap space to make personnel/drafting mistakes. The last two years are catching up with him because of the personnel mistakes that he’s made with Gay, Hardman, and many many others. He doesn’t have the $$$ nor the chops bring in the talent needed to repeat. We have Mahomes, so we always have a chance but if you look down the roster we have players that are way overpaid along with drafting bust that we keep hoping will turn the corner. Can we clean things up in the next few years, I think so but it will take a full roster rebuild particularly on defense. Do what I do when things get bad, go back and replay our Super Bowl win. Signing off from the guy who’s been on Chiefs Planet since 2018 and still can’t start my own thread. Cheers! Last edited by jdh81_06; 10-11-2021 at 07:26 AM.. Reason: Typo
Posts: 63

10-11-2021, 06:44 AM	#19
Bwana It's Five O'Clock Somewhere Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Billings, Montana Casino cash: $2136023647	Well done Mr. FAX. __________________ Adventure is dangerous....but monotony can kill you.
Posts: 70,474

10-11-2021, 06:47 AM	#20
F150 Veteran Join Date: Jan 2020 Location: Missouri Casino cash: $8550400	Superb job.
Posts: 3,159

10-11-2021, 07:05 AM	#22
displacedinMN In Search of a Life Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: Correcting papers Casino cash: $-610000	Great job FAX. We may now have a frontrunner for when GB decides to hang it up. I too gave up early. Rain delay and dog tired did me in. Every time I hear the name Micah Hyde, I think of what he did at Iowa. Some of the great defensive plays in the last 20 years. I thought it could happen tonight. It did. He was in the right place at the right time tonight, but it payed off. I would take Iowa's D over ours right now. I cannot believe we have the same record as the Vikes. Gag. __________________ #investigatecarlcheffers
Posts: 40,882

10-11-2021, 07:08 AM	#23
Graystoke MVP Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Driftless Region Casino cash: $-2440000	Thank you Mr. Fax.
Posts: 9,607

10-11-2021, 08:38 AM	#25
Hydrae MVP Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Newport, Or Casino cash: $-993000	Very well done, Mr. Fax! Thank you for your time and insight and giving us an enjoyable read after that dumpster fire we all witnessed last night.
Posts: 14,853

10-11-2021, 08:41 AM	#26
PHOG Dazed and Confused Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Somewhere Out There Casino cash: $-1669500	Nice job! We also turned it off as we were having violent weather during the 2nd half.
Posts: 19,854

10-11-2021, 08:44 AM	#27
Easy 6 pie is never free Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: the drivers seat Casino cash: $17775	I'm with John McKay... Thanks for the effort, Mr FAX
Posts: 98,293

10-11-2021, 09:12 AM	#28
DJJasonp My work speaks for itself!!! Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: So Cal Casino cash: $-1694800	problem with our offense: The dink and dunk/matriculate the ball down the field offense only works when you have a legit NFL-caliber running back. We do not. That gameplan worked at Buffalo last year, but that was primarily due to the surprise-factor and pre-CEH injury. __________________ Its easier to fool a man, than to convince a man he's been fooled.
Posts: 13,896

10-11-2021, 09:32 AM	#29
scho63 Politically Incorrect Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Scottsdale, AZ Casino cash: $-740000	The RTP call on Clark, which was complete and utter bullshit, changed the game and put it away for the Bills. It took away an interception at the Bills 48 with us having momentum after a score and gave the Bills the ball and they scored a TD to pretty much seal the victory. It certainly wasn't the main or sole reason we lost, but when we came off of life support and started to walk again, the refs crushed us. __________________ *"The only difference between sex for free and sex for money is that sex for free costs you a WHOLE LOT more!"* ~Redd Foxx~ ~~2018 2019 2020 20212022 2023~~ 2024 Adopt a Chief - Clark Hunt and Brett Veach "The men who drafted Patrick Mahomes"
Posts: 54,939

10-11-2021, 02:02 PM	#30
gblowfish Be Kind To Your Pets Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Glorious Independence, MO Casino cash: $16896178 VARSITY	I wanted to thank Mr. Fax for taking the time to do the "Things" this week. I'm pretty sure its the first time the term "desert whore's vaginal discharge" has appeared in the annals of The Things, but different writers express things differently... It's extremely difficult to write one of these on the heels of a difficult loss. So Mr. Fax was saddled with an impressive turd to polish. We have three more guest writers as the next three legs of the relay. Next up: The Washington Used to Be Racist Football Team. Everybody please make sure to hit Mr. Fax with some rep for the effort. We all had a bad night, so let's try to make chicken salad out of .... the rest of October!
Posts: 41,011