Job interview - make your destiny here.

[Rain Man]

I'm thinking about hiring someone, and my lawyer tells me that I need to open up my search beyond merely competent, trained people. So if you'd like to be considered for an exciting career in market research, please answer the following questions in this initial interview. If you answer the questions properly, I'll give you a job.

On your mark, get set, go.

Situational Questions

1. You are at a party, and you meet a brand manager at Burger King. She mentions that she thinks the whole psychotic king ad theme is getting old, but she’s not sure. What do you say or do?
2. You are in a meeting with the president of the firm, two other senior managers, three other analysts, two interns, and a client who’s picky about their report. Suddenly, a Nazi soldier throws one of those potato masher hand grenades into the room. What do you say or do?
3. You are on a cruise ship with your boss when it hits an old Nazi sea mine and sinks. There are only two life preservers left, and you, your boss, and your boss’s prized rare medieval anvil are alone on the deck. What do you say or do?
4. You and your boss are on your way to an interview. You arrive early and visit the restroom, and while inside you see a pair of feet under a stall and a competitor’s proposal sitting on the counter with another document titled, “Our Top-Secret Plan to Beat [your company]”. What do you say or do?
5. You are on a business trip with your boss. At dinner, your boss stands up and accidentally hits a tray being carried by a waiter. The tray tips and the waiter falls. As he goes down, he clutches frantically and accidentally grabs the strapless evening gown of a beautiful woman at the next table, pulling it off of her. Screaming, she jumps up and tries to cover herself with the tablecloth, pulling all of the food off the table. One of the candles ignites the Baked Alaska, and the carpet catches on fire. Everybody runs, and within minutes the entire restaurant goes up in flames. You and your boss are separated amidst the chaos, and you have to hitchhike home because he had the airline tickets. Once you arrive back at the office, what do you say or do?
6. Your boss mentions that he’s going to have to move his anvil collection this weekend, and asks for volunteers to help. What do you say or do?

Personality Questions

7. If you were a planet, dwarf planet, moon, or asteroid, which one would you be, and why?
8. Excluding all Americans and English, which major or minor leader or general during World War II do you most resemble in personality, and why?
9. If you could change one thing about your current grocery store, what would it be and why?
10. Tarzan lived during the 1930s, as played by Johnny Weismuller. He’s got to be dead by now. How do you think he died?
11. A priest, a hooker, and Paris Hilton walk into a bar. What happens next?
12. I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 100. What number do you think it is?

[kc-nd]

#3.

That's easy.

You flatter the boss by saying that he or she is so skinny, that one life preserver will easily hold him or her and the anvil.

[Calcountry]

Here is my answer: No thanks.

[kc-nd]

#5.

You say, "Dude, you rock. You really know how to party. Can we do it again?"

[kc-nd]

#6.

About five seconds after I ring your doorbell, open the door so that I can get my forklift in your house.

[Mark M]

1. You are at a party, and you meet a brand manager at Burger King. She mentions that she thinks the whole psychotic king ad theme is getting old, but she’s not sure. What do you say or do?

Since I'm married, I have to break it down into different categories

If she's hot: Ask her how the focus groups test with the Psycho-Sleeps-in-You-Bed-Yet-Tackles-Better-Than-Deon King thingy. Always pay attention, take her seriously, and assure her that you are the "go-to guy." Then take generous yet discreet views of her boobies and/or ass at every possible opportunity.

If she's not: Tell her she could get better brand awareness without freaking people out by simply using Charles Manson. Either that, or suggest that her brand would test better if they made french fries that didn't taste like they were cooked in week-old urine.

2. You are in a meeting with the president of the firm, two other senior managers, three other analysts, two interns, and a client who’s picky about their report. Suddenly, a Nazi soldier throws one of those potato masher hand grenades into the room. What do you say or do?

Turn sideways, assuring that I wouldn't get hit with shrapnel. Then, save the president of the firm and make a huge leapfrog up the corporate ladder.

3. You are on a cruise ship with your boss when it hits an old Nazi sea mine and sinks. There are only two life preservers left, and you, your boss, and your boss’s prized rare medieval anvil are alone on the deck. What do you say or do?

Convince my boss that I read on the Internet that anvil's are actually buoyant -- after all, I spend most days ****ing off on the 'net rather than working. Seriously ... you may sink for a while, but you'll pop right back up, so hold on tight!

After I'm rescued, I tell everyone how died trying to save the ship, thus getting a sympathy leapfrog up the corporate ladder.

4. You and your boss are on your way to an interview. You arrive early and visit the restroom, and while inside you see a pair of feet under a stall and a competitor’s proposal sitting on the counter with another document titled, “Our Top-Secret Plan to Beat [your company]”. What do you say or do?

Realize that after a decade in marketing, there are no "Top Secret Plans" just more flowerful bullshit.

Of course, as I'm leaving, I slide it under my coat, go to my car, and change shoes.

5. You are on a business trip with your boss. At dinner, your boss stands up and accidentally hits a tray being carried by a waiter. The tray tips and the waiter falls. As he goes down, he clutches frantically and accidentally grabs the strapless evening gown of a beautiful woman at the next table, pulling it off of her. Screaming, she jumps up and tries to cover herself with the tablecloth, pulling all of the food off the table. One of the candles ignites the Baked Alaska, and the carpet catches on fire. Everybody runs, and within minutes the entire restaurant goes up in flames. You and your boss are separated amidst the chaos, and you have to hitchhike home because he had the airline tickets. Once you arrive back at the office, what do you say or do?

5. Ask him if he got a good view of the beautiful woman's boobies. Oh, and remind him that I could have him arrested for arson, assault, and sexual harassment.

Then I ask him to sign my $1.5 million expense form.

6. Your boss mentions that he’s going to have to move his anvil collection this weekend, and asks for volunteers to help. What do you say or do?

Point to my back and say, "Sorry. Medical condition." Joke about coming over with a 12-pack and be the "union rep," even though I know I won't go and will use my son as an excuse.

7. If you were a planet, dwarf planet, moon, or asteroid, which one would you be, and why?

I'd actually rather be a comet -- You get to see almost the entire solar system. Plus, I'm kinda gassy.

But given the choices, I'll choose a moon. But like Endor. That was a cool moon. Ours sucks.

8. Excluding all Americans and English, which major or minor leader or general during World War II do you most resemble in personality, and why?

Georgy Zhukov, because he was always right, yet no one listened to him. Bastards ...

9. If you could change one thing about your current grocery store, what would it be and why?

Better produce. Seriously ... who doesn't want better produce?

10. Tarzan lived during the 1930s, as played by Johnny Weismuller. He’s got to be dead by now. How do you think he died?

An allergic reaction to bananas. Either that, or a poop throwing incident. Yeah ... I'm thinkin' he suffered fatal head trauma from flung poo.

11. A priest, a hooker, and Paris Hilton walk into a bar. What happens next?

The priest finds the youngest, the prostitute finds the richest, and Paris Hilton takes everyone else.

12. I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 100. What number do you think it is?

12. Forty two. The answer is always 42.

So ... do I get the job?

MM
~~

[Rain Man]

Lots of good candidates....lots of good candidates....

Give me the dang job or I'm telling your wife about your tryst with the 2 Bronco cheerleaders in September.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Phobia

Give me the dang job or I'm telling your wife about your tryst with the 2 Bronco cheerleaders in September.

I'll give you the job if you just tell me about it.

[KCGridironBeast]

Is there a winner?

[FAX]

Originally Posted by Phobia

Give me the dang job or I'm telling your wife about your tryst with the 2 Bronco cheerleaders in September.

Spill the beans, Mr. Phobia, and I'll give you a job.

FAX

[JBucc]

Originally Posted by FAX

Spill the beans, Mr. Phobia, and I'll give you a job.

FAX

Now that I'd pay to see.

[FAX]

Originally Posted by JBucc

Now that I'd pay to see.

Not those beans, Mr. JBucc.

Geez.

FAX

[stevieray]

what is the pay?

[burt]

Originally Posted by stevieray

what is the pay?

I make too much to answer these questions....

[RNR]

#1 You are right to a point, it was pretty lame from the start. How else do you get out sold by a catch phrase as weak as "I'm loving it"?
#2 I would bail, and chase the Nazi yelling "WHAT THE FU** DO I LOOK JEWISH?
#3 If you have a strong enough kick you and your anvil have a shot.
#4 I walk up to the boss with a shit eating grin and demand a raise.
#5 "Did you see the tits on that girl"?
#6 Say sure no problem, show up with 6 illeagals willing to work for 20 bucks and pose as friends willing to help.
#7 Astroid because striking at random is something I understand.
#8 Whats with the history crap? I don't think 80 year olds is going to be a target market.
#9 I would put everything I buy on one aisle.
#10 Was he the guy that did the monkey and started the whole AIDS thing?
#11 The hooker and Hilton get bombed and become friends after finding out how much they have in common, the Priest sits there bored wishing one of them would have brought a younger brother.
#12 2