Application To Date My Daughter - Page 2

MTG#10 · 02-27-2008, 07:52 AM

Sorry if this is old but I just discovered it for the first time and since I have a 7 year old daughter it made me laugh my ass off.

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement,
job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________

Daddy's Rules for Dating
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy) :

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them..

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

**Bowser** · 02-27-2008, 09:33 AM

I have a 12 year old that plays competitive volleyball. I'm making a list of names that I need to have discussions with that have been conveniently left for viewing in findthedr's thread.

Mr. Plow · 02-27-2008, 09:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ari Chi3fs

CadMonkey will probably end up with 3 daughters... each one like Jenna Bush.

Exactly what I was thinking.

Scaga · 02-27-2008, 10:04 AM

I have a daughter about to turn 17 (in May).....
Hate even thinking about it.

Sully · 02-27-2008, 10:32 AM

We have our first child on the way (I guess this is an announcement of sorts!)
Although I'd be happy with any gendered healthy baby (yadda, yadda). it scares the shit out of me thinking about having to raise a girl. Especially knowing me in high school, and my wife in high school...

MTG#10 · 02-27-2008, 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sully

We have our first child on the way (I guess this is an announcement of sorts!)

Congratulations.

Chief Pote · 02-27-2008, 10:46 AM

My daughter is 26 and I wish I had used that application. Advise to all young dads, use the form.

Hog's Gone Fishin · 02-27-2008, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ari Chi3fs

CadMonkey will probably end up with 3 daughters... each one like Jenna Jamison.

Fixed your Post!

**Bowser** · 02-27-2008, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sully

We have our first child on the way (I guess this is an announcement of sorts!)
Although I'd be happy with any gendered healthy baby (yadda, yadda). it scares the shit out of me thinking about having to raise a girl. Especially knowing me in high school, and my wife in high school...

Congrats!

"When you have a son, you worry about one penis. When you have a daughter, you worry about every penis".

Sully · 02-27-2008, 12:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bowser

Congrats!

"When you have a son, you worry about one penis. When you have a daughter, you worry about every penis".

That keeps echoing over and over and over and over and over in my mind...

Chiefmanwillcatch · 02-27-2008, 01:16 PM

Your daughter in the future.

RustShack · 02-27-2008, 01:33 PM

I don't have to worry about if for awhile, at least I hope I don't... My close and extended family is girl dominated on both sides, so its not looking pretty for me.

PhillyChiefFan · 02-27-2008, 02:44 PM

There's a really good country song about this called "Still Cleaning this Gun" by Rodney Atkins. Any dad's out there, give it a listen.

Deberg_1990 · 02-27-2008, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BucEyedPea

I have a very attractive 14 year old daughter with a hot body.

Thats weirding me out...

RustShack · 02-27-2008, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deberg_1990

Thats weirding me out...

I was kinda thinking the same thing...

Pitt Gorilla · 02-27-2008, 03:14 PM

Rule 4 doesn't follow logically. That would be sex WITH a barrier method can kill you.

02-27-2008, 07:52 AM
MTG#10 Mammoth penis Join Date: May 2006 Location: Springfield Casino cash: $7014386	Application To Date My Daughter Sorry if this is old but I just discovered it for the first time and since I have a 7 year old daughter it made me laugh my ass off. APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________ HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________ SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________ BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________ HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______ Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ Number of years they have been married ______________________________ If less than your age, explain ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ACCESSORIES SECTION: A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No C. A waterbed? __Yes __No D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No E. A tattoo? __Yes __No F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? (IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.) ESSAY SECTION: In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you? ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you? ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you? ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ REFERENCES SECTION: Church you attend ___________________________________________________ How often you attend ________________________________________________ When would be the best time to interview your: father? _____________ mother? _____________ pastor? _____________ Daddy's Rules for Dating Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy) : Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.' Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Posts: 11,437

02-27-2008, 09:33 AM	#16
Bowser sorta mod-ish Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: KC North Casino cash: $-208384	I have a 12 year old that plays competitive volleyball. I'm making a list of names that I need to have discussions with that have been conveniently left for viewing in findthedr's thread.
Posts: 106,872

02-27-2008, 10:04 AM	#18
Scaga Pissed off now Joboo Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: On my wife's $hitlist Casino cash: $1141665	I have a daughter about to turn 17 (in May)..... Hate even thinking about it. __________________ Bluto: Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the f_cking Peace Corps
Posts: 3,401

02-27-2008, 10:32 AM	#19
Sully It Goes On Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Lees Summit Casino cash: $10026331	We have our first child on the way (I guess this is an announcement of sorts!) Although I'd be happy with any gendered healthy baby (yadda, yadda). it scares the shit out of me thinking about having to raise a girl. Especially knowing me in high school, and my wife in high school... __________________ "And I don't wish that girl any bad luck," he said, "but I hope she gets hit with a car." - Tommy Lasorda
Posts: 18,295

02-27-2008, 10:46 AM	#21
Chief Pote Veteran Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Undercover..... Casino cash: $6872638	My daughter is 26 and I wish I had used that application. Advise to all young dads, use the form.
Posts: 3,647

02-27-2008, 01:16 PM	#25
Chiefmanwillcatch Banned Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: KC Casino cash: $10004900	Your daughter in the future.
Posts: 1,145

02-27-2008, 01:33 PM	#26
RustShack **** That Noise Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Jack Trice Casino cash: $3036954	I don't have to worry about if for awhile, at least I hope I don't... My close and extended family is girl dominated on both sides, so its not looking pretty for me. __________________
Posts: 15,126

02-27-2008, 02:44 PM	#27
PhillyChiefFan Veteran Join Date: May 2007 Location: Harrisburg, PA Casino cash: $3161139	There's a really good country song about this called "Still Cleaning this Gun" by Rodney Atkins. Any dad's out there, give it a listen.
Posts: 3,407

02-27-2008, 03:14 PM	#30
Pitt Gorilla Banned! Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: NOT Columbia, MO 65201 Casino cash: $-129806	Rule 4 doesn't follow logically. That would be sex WITH a barrier method can kill you. __________________ Your son is a bench warmer because of your weak genetics not because of the coach Norlin Mommsen is disgusting.
Posts: 47,382