Cash

So, Let 'em Ride has been good to me today.

I'll be donating a generous sum to whomever writes an original story and makes me laugh within this thread. Bonus dollars awarded for inclusion of construction related keywords pointing back to the http://www.edgewoodconstruction.com website like this:

An individual wishing to donate a generous sum of real cash in the Lee's Summit area will be given a designer kitchen with concrete counters.

[Stewie]

Originally Posted by GOATSE

OK, so it was my senior year of high school. I was just beginning to enjoy getting out for lunch every day (underclassmen had to stay at the school), but I usually stayed at school anyway. But on this day, I had forgotten my history textbook. OH NOES! What would I do? There was no way I could go home and get it in the 30 minutes we had for lunch. The walk was too far.

Or was it? Because I walked to school everyday, I knew of a bicycle that was often stashed at the back of the schoolyards, near the baseball field. Usually it was unsecured, because it was a shitty bike, and who would steal it, right?

Well, me. I walked to the back of the baseball field and there was my t(rusty) steed. Undaunted by the thought of breaking the law, I climbed aboard and pedaled for home. Once there, I got my book, slapped together a sandwich, grabed a Pepsi and headed back for school.

I parked the bike at the back of the baseball field with 10 minutes to spare. I was about to go back inside when I decided to leave a thankyou note. I scribbled it hastily on a piece of notebook paper and attached it to the handlebars.

It read:

THANKS FOR THE RIDE!

I never did see the bike again.

Please, don't post ever again.

Originally Posted by 88TG88

I <3 teh edgewoodconstruction.

Your story sucks but the message is intact. I'm doubling your wad.

I don't think Pic's story is original but it made me laugh so I'm also doubling his wad.

Originally Posted by OnTheWarpath58

Short and sweet:

I passed a truck this afternoon that was lifted like yours, with a decal on the back window that read:

"Lifted because fat girls can't jump."

Heh. It would be better if you would have stolen the decal and sent it but I'll give you some charity.

Originally Posted by Cro

Wow, what a great POST (and lentil)

Nice work. I'm quadrupling your money.

Originally Posted by SNR

Once upon there was a pot-smoking Indian. He was raped by society. Everybody else lived happily ever after. The end.

Inside jokes rock and making me laugh is good. I'm still not compelled to gift thousands but I'll give a couple hundy for the effort.

[Skip Towne]

How did you get up to 82,000 posts?

[Lonewolf Ed]

I work in a liquor store, and one day this rather oafish looking fellow came in and asked me where the beer was. Well, there is more than one kind of beer, and it's in a few places, so I asked what he wanted. "Regular beer," he said. Ah, huh. Domestics are on the right side of the cooler. "No, I don't want no foreign stuff! I want American beer." After he left, I made a sign and posted it on the corner of the cooler reading UNFOREIGN BEERS TO THE RIGHT.

[Rain Man]

Did you know those anti-theft tags have ink in them?

I didn't. Am I the only one?

I bought a pair of running shoes last week - white, with silver and chartreuse stripes, with blades that shoot out of the toes when you're in a gangfight. Very nice.

I brought them home, and they sat in the closet for a week before my butler pulled them out so the maid in the scanty black maid outfit could put them on me and I could go for a jog. She removed the right one from the box, slid it onto my foot, and tied the laces with her very talented tongue. She then removed the left one out of the box. To my dismay, we discovered that it still had the anti-theft tag on it, and she couldn't get it off with her tongue.

What a pain in the neck. I didn't want to call the pilot and fly the private jet all the way to Paris to return it, and on top of that, my accountant didn't know where the receipt was. It didn't seem like a good idea to walk to a counter with a pair of shoes and no receipt and say, "Hey, these are mine. Would you please remove the anti-theft tag so I can take them?"

So I figured, hey, they're just plastic. Plastic can't survive hammers and backhoes and tools used to develop custom cabinetry. If a beautiful French woman at the finest tennis shoe store in Paris can figure out how to remove them, Edgewood Construction can figure out how to bust it off.

The guy from Edgewood messed with it a little bit, and then decided to take it down to the basement where I keep my tool box and six unlucky runaways. I was still wearing the right shoe, so I followed him down the stairs, (pad) Clomp (pad) Clomp (pad) Clomp past the designer kitchen, and set the shoe on the concrete counter. He got a couple of screwdrivers out of the tool box, found a little uneven spot in the seal of the tag, and started wedging.

The wedging went slow but well. He was able to slowly pull the two halves apart, and thought he was making good progress, when - BLORT - he busted an ink container inside it.

He looked like a failed bank robber. It was all over his hands, he got a few drops on his face, the brand new left shoe was stained all over, and it even dried on top of the clothes dryer and the maid couldn't get it off.

This is why I hate criminals. Criminals did this to me. In the old days, I would just go in, buy my shoes, and know that I could just lace them up and jog. Now I have to have a machine shop to get this thing off, and when I do, it ruins the shoe. We need bigger prisons in this country so that honest citizens don't get their shoes ruined by criminals.

So I called the police and told them that the guy at Edgewood Construction was a bank robber and they came and saw the ink and arrested him. I got a nice reward out of it, and am going back to get a new left shoe.

[Bowser]

Originally Posted by Skip Towne

How did you get up to 82,000 posts?

The same way Herzig did - a ton of hard work and dedication.

[Skip Towne]

Originally Posted by Bowser

The same way Herzig did - a ton of hard work and dedication.

He's up 20,000 posts since yesterday. He must have posted all night.

[ROYC75]

23 years ago we had III just to supply a few good laughs for my CP brethren.......... That should be worth something right there.

[Skip Towne]

Originally Posted by ROYC75

23 years ago we had III just to supply a few good laughs for my CP brethren.......... That should be worth something right there.

How's he doing?

[teedubya]

People seeking a construction and Home Improvement specialists in the Lees Summit Missouri area should contact Edgewood Construction. He can improve your Kitchen Interior and even totally remodel your basement - Lees Summitand give your home a man cave!

[Pic]

Originally Posted by Phobia

I don't think Pic's story is original but it made me laugh so I'm also doubling his wad.