Life The Hard Way - Page 4

**Iowanian** · 01-03-2009, 07:24 PM

Like many of you, for some unknown reason, I've had to learn many, many lessons the hard way.

Someone tells you not to do something, but you just have to anyway.....

Share those stories and the lesson learned.

**Iowanian** · 01-05-2009, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MIAdragon

ALWAYS give ample warning before you put it in her butt.

You may have to explain this one further, Tucker Max.

MIAdragon · 01-05-2009, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iowanian

You may have to explain this one further, Tucker Max.

No idea who Tucker Max is, however no matter how many times you've done it before or how much she loves it it the catcher is not ready to receive the pitch bad things happen. Dont really want to get into it but please take my word for it.

I also learned that not everything you see in porn is acceptable outside of porn. Ya know when you see the guy spit on the chick to increase lubrication, yea chicks don’t like that.
So there I am with this half balack half Polish skirt, Mieska, this girl was an absolute freak down for anything right, nope, as soon as the spit left my lips I knew it was going to end bad. Sure enough she looks at me with utter disbelief in her eyes and screamed "did you just ****ing spit on me!?" "are you out of your mind!?" and that ended that play session, no worries though she was over the next night in a nurses outfit.

Mr. Plow · 01-05-2009, 01:51 PM

No matter how "ok" your wife is with you chatting with an attractive women, the moment you and said attractive woman step outside for a smoke, you are having an affair with her.

**2112** · 01-05-2009, 01:59 PM

Sounds like brideowanian has never gotten dutch ovened if she asked you to make those eggs. it would have been a good life lesson for her if your innards work like mine under pressure with hard boiled or pickled eggs.

Discuss Thrower · 01-05-2009, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MIAdragon

No idea who Tucker Max is, however no matter how many times you've done it before or how much she loves it it the catcher is not ready to receive the pitch bad things happen. Dont really want to get into it but please take my word for it.

I also learned that not everything you see in porn is acceptable outside of porn. Ya know when you see the guy spit on the chick to increase lubrication, yea chicks don’t like that.
So there I am with this half balack half Polish skirt, Mieska, this girl was an absolute freak down for anything right, nope, as soon as the spit left my lips I knew it was going to end bad. Sure enough she looks at me with utter disbelief in her eyes and screamed "did you just ****ing spit on me!?" "are you out of your mind!?" and that ended that play session, no worries though she was over the next night in a nurses outfit.

How dare you, to be ignorant in the Ways and the Identity of our LORD Tucker Max.

MIAdragon · 01-05-2009, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by J-Town Fan 1988

How dare you, to be ignorant in the Ways and the Identity of our LORD Tucker Max.

Dont worry J-Town Im all over it.

RaiderH8r · 01-05-2009, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kstater

Dude, you're in for 10 years of "remember when I told you not to cook eggs in the Microwave? Listen to me now."

Only if he drops dead in 10 years. This is a lifer of an f-up because later it will be good for a laugh. Never gonna hear the end of this one. She may have their tombstones engraved

Hers: So, he wants to boil some eggs for supper(she didn't like that because, well, eggs do things to me). I chose the mircowave, a cereal bowl, 2/3 full of water and 4 eggs... (And so on and so forth)

His: But did I listen? Nooooooo.

beach tribe · 01-05-2009, 02:23 PM

I learned if you're gonna get stoned, and eat like an animal, that if you choose mixed nuts as your food victim, make sure you chew that shit well..........the hard way.

**morphius** · 01-05-2009, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seclark

2 or 3 years ago.
early spring...took the wife and daughter out mushroom hunting. as we're walking through the woods, we came to an old rotted tree that was still standing. eager to prove my manly strength i said, "watch this" and began pushing against the trunk of the tree, rocking it back and forth trying to get it to fall over.

the wife said, "i don't think you should be doing that.", which i ignored.

all at once the trunk of the tree broke about 18feet up, and the top swung down and cracked me on the side of the head, dislocating my jaw and knocking me senseless.

so, the girls took me to the emergency room, where my jaw was put back into the socket, and 28 stitches placed into the side of my head.

i've never lived it down.
sec

Moral of the story, never start any action you do with any variation of "watch this" as somehow this general phrase wakes up the Lord our God's funny bone, which is then realized with complete, and usually painful, catastrophic absurdity.

RaiderH8r · 01-05-2009, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iowanian

I learned the lesson Mr Plow is getting at long ago, but still don't have it mastered.

When women are bitching about work/friends/stuff....they DO NOT want solutions offered. They just want you to listen, and not try to stick your thumb in their butt while they're distracted. Just listen....zone out......try to nod with interest.....don't respond.

I've tried to instill my wife with the knowledge that she gets 10 minutes per day of my absolutely positively undivided attention and to use it wisely. But does she? No. And yes, 10 minutes of my undivided attention is about 9 minutes more than I give anybody else in the world...unless its a talk about football, porn, music, video games or beer (AKA "My Hobbies").

seclark · 01-05-2009, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by morphius

Moral of the story, never start any action you do with any variation of "watch this" as somehow this general phrase wakes up the Lord our God's funny bone, which is then realized with complete, and usually painful, catastrophic absurdity.

due to my record of concussions, i'm no longer able to mushroom hunt.
sec

**Skip Towne** · 01-05-2009, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seclark

2 or 3 years ago.
early spring...took the wife and daughter out mushroom hunting. as we're walking through the woods, we came to an old rotted tree that was still standing. eager to prove my manly strength i said, "watch this" and began pushing against the trunk of the tree, rocking it back and forth trying to get it to fall over.

the wife said, "i don't think you should be doing that.", which i ignored.

all at once the trunk of the tree broke about 18feet up, and the top swung down and cracked me on the side of the head, dislocating my jaw and knocking me senseless.

so, the girls took me to the emergency room, where my jaw was put back into the socket, and 28 stitches placed into the side of my head.

i've never lived it down.
sec

Did you have them hold your beer?

**morphius** · 01-05-2009, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seclark

due to my record of concussions, i'm no longer able to mushroom hunt.
sec

Thanks to concussions I have decided that falling out of trees and trying to kick soccer balls on ice are both generally bad ideas.

Of course I could see how you could use this to your advantage, "You don't want daddy to get off the couch, heck, you remember what happened when I tried to do something as mundane as mushroom hunt"

seclark · 01-05-2009, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skip Towne

Did you have them hold your beer?

i stopped letting people hold my beer a long, long time ago. you should know better than to do it too.
sec

**Skip Towne** · 01-05-2009, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MIAdragon

No idea who Tucker Max is, however no matter how many times you've done it before or how much she loves it it the catcher is not ready to receive the pitch bad things happen. Dont really want to get into it but please take my word for it.

I also learned that not everything you see in porn is acceptable outside of porn. Ya know when you see the guy spit on the chick to increase lubrication, yea chicks don’t like that.
So there I am with this half balack half Polish skirt, Mieska, this girl was an absolute freak down for anything right, nope, as soon as the spit left my lips I knew it was going to end bad. Sure enough she looks at me with utter disbelief in her eyes and screamed "did you just ****ing spit on me!?" "are you out of your mind!?" and that ended that play session, no worries though she was over the next night in a nurses outfit.

You got that out of Penthouse letters didn't you?

01-03-2009, 07:24 PM
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $1668454	The Hard Way Like many of you, for some unknown reason, I've had to learn many, many lessons the hard way. Someone tells you not to do something, but you just have to anyway..... Share those stories and the lesson learned.
Posts: 62,945

01-05-2009, 01:51 PM	#48
Mr. Plow In Search of a Life Join Date: Dec 2005 Casino cash: $-1512609	No matter how "ok" your wife is with you chatting with an attractive women, the moment you and said attractive woman step outside for a smoke, you are having an affair with her.
Posts: 31,695

01-05-2009, 01:59 PM	#49
2112 Reset Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Parts Unknown Casino cash: $6866765	Sounds like brideowanian has never gotten dutch ovened if she asked you to make those eggs. it would have been a good life lesson for her if your innards work like mine under pressure with hard boiled or pickled eggs.
Posts: 22,280

01-05-2009, 02:23 PM	#53
beach tribe Keep doubting J MFing Houston Join Date: May 2007 Location: ft.lauderdale Casino cash: $3898036	I learned if you're gonna get stoned, and eat like an animal, that if you choose mixed nuts as your food victim, make sure you chew that shit well..........the hard way.
Posts: 21,429