Confronting a cheater

[The Dude Abides]

Haven't been here in awhile, so check this out. Guess this could be related to the cheaters thread, but oh well. I had been seeing this woman for about 3 years. Everything was great, we got along, amazing sex, etc. But during this whole time, I live in Wichita, she in Newton, a 30 minute drive. She always had to visit me at my house because she lived with her ex. They had never been married, just dated for 9 years. Long story short, I saw the end coming, she was pulling away, as she had done before a few years ago, so I found where she lived and told her supposed ex the whole story of me and his woman. Oh yeah, they were very much together, he said. But he was a big puss and didn't get mad or anything. But needless to say, she got hysterical, said she hated me, i ruined her life, etc. I knew all this was going to happen anyway, but I just couldn't let her get away with her doing the whole player thing. So basically, what is your opinion on confronting the cheaters significant other?

[keg in kc]

Originally Posted by The Dude Abides

Maybe I should have titled this thread "letting the other guy know his woman cant be trusted". And there was no home to wreck, they were not married, had no kids, she was playing us both and she got caught.

He's got to figure that out for himself. He won't believe it coming from you.

Hell, if they're not married, he may not care anyway, as long as he's getting his wick dipped. Not like she was breaking any kind of real committment.

[Saccopoo]

Originally Posted by Katipan

What a stupid generalization. I mean... Just stupid. You typed that. Read that. And hit enter.

wow.

You think so? Then you tell me why someone, specifically a woman, would cheat on a spouse? Because, as Mecca said, her husband works and she's lonely? And she thinks that an affair is going to fix that situation? Bullshit. She's doing it for the attention, both mental and physical. She wants to be made to feel attractive. If she was pissed at her husband about not paying attention to her, it's a hell of a lot less traumatic for everyone involved just to talk to the husband and tell him how she feels rather than going out and having sex with some schmuck. No, she is not cheating because she is in this pit of escapable despair and misery. If that's the case, she gets the divorce. But she's not getting the divorce. She's just going out and getting a piece of strange to make herself feel sexy and wanted and then going back home to her husband. She's also probably a dopamine junkie and uses the illicit sexual affair to get that big release of it for the adrenaline rush.

So, unless you can provide a bit more insight into your perceptions of this other than "stupid generalization," your provided opinion on the matter doesn't amount to jack squat.

As far as you go Mecca, to say that my assessment was stupid based on your association with an affair that was initiated because the husband "worked all the time" is even more idiotic. Her decision to have sex with you and your decision to have sex with a married woman based on the sole reason of "because the guy worked all the time" is the only thing that is stupid here. He works a lot, so of course the wife is obviously needing to go out and suck on some dudes pecker to solve that horrendous problem of having her husband work too much? Yeah, that makes sense.

[Pants]

Originally Posted by Saccogoo

You think so? Then you tell me why someone, specifically a woman, would cheat on a spouse? Because, as Mecca said, her husband works and she's lonely? And she thinks that an affair is going to fix that situation? Bullshit. She's doing it for the attention, both mental and physical. She wants to be made to feel attractive. If she was pissed at her husband about not paying attention to her, it's a hell of a lot less traumatic for everyone involved just to talk to the husband and tell him how she feels rather than going out and having sex with some schmuck. No, she is not cheating because she is in this pit of escapable despair and misery. If that's the case, she gets the divorce. But she's not getting the divorce. She's just going out and getting a piece of strange to make herself feel sexy and wanted and then going back home to her husband. She's also probably a dopamine junkie and uses the illicit sexual affair to get that big release of it for the adrenaline rush.

So, unless you can provide a bit more insight into your perceptions of this other than "stupid generalization," your provided opinion on the matter doesn't amount to jack squat.

As far as you go Mecca, to say that my assessment was stupid based on your association with an affair that was initiated because the husband "worked all the time" is even more idiotic. Her decision to have sex with you and your decision to have sex with a married woman based on the sole reason of "because the guy worked all the time" is the only thing that is stupid here. He works a lot, so of course the wife is obviously needing to go out and suck on some dudes pecker to solve that horrendous problem of having her husband work too much? Yeah, that makes sense.

Pretty much.

Mecca has proven time and time again his lack of character on this site. He's of reasonable intelligence but I'd almost bet the father figure is missing or very seriously flawed. I don't say that lightly because the mother of my own teens moved our kids 1500 miles away from me and I am essentially missing.

[Katipan]

Originally Posted by Saccogoo

So, unless you can provide a bit more insight into your perceptions of this other than "stupid generalization," your provided opinion on the matter doesn't amount to jack squat.

I could tell you stories about other women. I could feed you Cosmo stats of why women cheat. I could tell you that I've never met a woman who if given a Prince Charming at home, would go out and cheat. If she cheated, her idea of Prince Charming wasn't at home. I've never met a married woman who cheated for strange. (Tho, mathematically I'm sure they're out there) That's inherently a male trait. Women can get it anytime anywhere. Opportunities are boundless. Women choose to marry in SPITE of it. They don't go looking for it afterwards.

Women love to chat. If communication solved everything with the great communicators that men are, they wouldn't cheat. My ex exploded just as violently when I tried to leave him the right way as he did when I tried to leave him the wrong way. Some of your Prince Charming victims have a helluva lot more to do with their woman straying than you give them credit for.

What was your other theory? Attention? Such crap. If I had craved attention I would have sat at the club and giggled and flirted my way up and down the bar. What I craved was an intimate emotional attachment. If I could get have got it at home... Geez. I confess I'm lazy, I'd rather have it at home.

[Pants]

Originally Posted by Katipan

I could tell you stories about other women. I could feed you Cosmo stats of why women cheat. I could tell you that I've never met a woman who if given a Prince Charming at home, would go out and cheat. If she cheated, her idea of Prince Charming wasn't at home. I've never met a married woman who cheated for strange. (Tho, mathematically I'm sure they're out there) That's inherently a male trait. Women can get it anytime anywhere. Opportunities are boundless. Women choose to marry in SPITE of it. They don't go looking for it afterwards.

Women love to chat. If communication solved everything with the great communicators that men are, they wouldn't cheat. My ex exploded just as violently when I tried to leave him the right way as he did when I tried to leave him the wrong way. Some of your Prince Charming victims have a helluva lot more to do with their woman straying than you give them credit for.

What was your other theory? Attention? Such crap. If I had craved attention I would have sat at the club and giggled and flirted my way up and down the bar. What I craved was an intimate emotional attachment. If I could get have got it at home... Geez. I confess I'm lazy, I'd rather have it at home.

OK, so your husband is douchebag. That's still not an excuse to **** around on him. You divorce/split up first, then you go and get your emotional attachment elsewhere.

[Katipan]

Originally Posted by Metrolike

OK, so your husband is douchebag. That's still not an excuse to **** around on him. You divorce/split up first, then you go and get your emotional attachment elsewhere.

You expect me to argue that?

[Pants]

Originally Posted by Katipan

You expect me to argue that?

Well, to us, "intimate emotional attachment" is just "attention" in womanspeak, lol.

The only idea I'm trying to convey is that there is no excuse for cheating. ZERO. And the party that cheated on you is the responsible one, not their partner in crime.

[Katipan]

Originally Posted by Metrolike

The only idea I'm trying to convey is that there is no excuse for cheating. ZERO. And the party that cheated on you is the responsible one, not their partner in crime.

Totally agree. And I paid my penance.

I'm arguing whatshisname's idea of motives.

And with my mouth and bubbly (/sarcasm) personality, I've never exactly lacked attention. Intimacy.... A little different.

[Saccopoo]

And I could tell you that there are plenty of woman who have a Prince Charming at home who do cheat. I could tell you that there are plenty of women out there that absolutely love their husbands (or at least conceptualize that they love them completely) that cheat. And woman can get it every time, but not every time with someone that they would really like to get it from. And they don't necessarily go "looking for it," but they are looking for something that is both emotional and physical - and the degrees of which obviously depend upon the individual.

You yourself stated that you craved intimate emotional attachment. What's that? Emotional and physical attention, is it not? Thank you for agreeing with me.

And I'm sure that there are other mitigating factors other than the "he works too much" scenario, but regardless, an affair isn't going to make a bad situation at home any better. It's just going to make it worse. And as such, the affair isn't a fix for any problem that the woman is having at home, whether those problems are real or made up in order to justify her actions in an illicit affair. She's doing it to be made to feel wanted, loved, sexy, or whathaveyou. There is also the very real dopamine affect that occurs in sexual affairs. But it sure as hell isn't fixing problems at home.

Originally Posted by Katipan

I could tell you stories about other women. I could feed you Cosmo stats of why women cheat. I could tell you that I've never met a woman who if given a Prince Charming at home, would go out and cheat. If she cheated, her idea of Prince Charming wasn't at home. I've never met a married woman who cheated for strange. (Tho, mathematically I'm sure they're out there) That's inherently a male trait. Women can get it anytime anywhere. Opportunities are boundless. Women choose to marry in SPITE of it. They don't go looking for it afterwards.

Women love to chat. If communication solved everything with the great communicators that men are, they wouldn't cheat. My ex exploded just as violently when I tried to leave him the right way as he did when I tried to leave him the wrong way. Some of your Prince Charming victims have a helluva lot more to do with their woman straying than you give them credit for.

What was your other theory? Attention? Such crap. If I had craved attention I would have sat at the club and giggled and flirted my way up and down the bar. What I craved was an intimate emotional attachment. If I could get have got it at home... Geez. I confess I'm lazy, I'd rather have it at home.

[The Dude Abides]

This woman I'm writing about, she said she loved me, she just lived with her ex for financial reasons, etc. When I said she could live with me for free, she always had an excuse. For instance, her mother lived with her and her ex. And I'm pretty sure it was a lie, but she said that her ex never could make her climax in the 9 years they were together, and I could. So there is more light on the story.

[Pants]

Originally Posted by The Dude Abides

This woman I'm writing about, she said she loved me, she just lived with her ex for financial reasons, etc. When I said she could live with me for free, she always had an excuse. For instance, her mother lived with her and her ex. And I'm pretty sure it was a lie, but she said that her ex never could make her climax in the 9 years they were together, and I could. So there is more light on the story.

She was prolly faking it with you as well. I don't think women cheat on their husbands for sex, unless they're nymphos. Like, Katipan said, I think it's more for attention that they don't get at home. But, then again, I really don't know why women cheat...

[Iowanian]

I don't want to break it to you.....but she lied about that too.

[Katipan]

Originally Posted by Saccogoo

You yourself stated that you craved intimate emotional attachment. What's that? Emotional and physical attention, is it not? Thank you for agreeing with me.

You can split hairs with me all you want, the basis of your tirade was that we adultress women wanted STRANGE attention from anyone besides our Sweet Charming Prince at home.

[The Dude Abides]

Iowanain, seriously, you must have the smallest pecker, your insecurity is transparent. It's great!