Life Confronting a cheater - Page 16

The Dude Abides · 05:30 PM

Haven't been here in awhile, so check this out. Guess this could be related to the cheaters thread, but oh well. I had been seeing this woman for about 3 years. Everything was great, we got along, amazing sex, etc. But during this whole time, I live in Wichita, she in Newton, a 30 minute drive. She always had to visit me at my house because she lived with her ex. They had never been married, just dated for 9 years. Long story short, I saw the end coming, she was pulling away, as she had done before a few years ago, so I found where she lived and told her supposed ex the whole story of me and his woman. Oh yeah, they were very much together, he said. But he was a big puss and didn't get mad or anything. But needless to say, she got hysterical, said she hated me, i ruined her life, etc. I knew all this was going to happen anyway, but I just couldn't let her get away with her doing the whole player thing. So basically, what is your opinion on confronting the cheaters significant other?

Goapics1 · 02-17-2009, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katipan

"You look like this chick that gave me the best blow job of my life."

Best pick up line ever.
Gets us in competition mode.

Saccopoo · 02-17-2009, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katipan

You can split hairs with me all you want, the basis of your tirade was that we adultress women wanted STRANGE attention from anyone besides our Sweet Charming Prince at home.

The basis for my comments is that women cheat because they desire attention, both physical and mental. I never said anything about "strange." And I'm sure that they like the attention from their spouse/SO. But they also want to be made to feel wanted, loved, attractive, intelligent, etc. from others as well. I'm talking about base human genetics. And also individual chemical makeup. Most mammals are not monogamous. Approximately 90% in actuality. Some are though. This is primarily determined by the presence of a certain chemical in the brain that is secreted when the mammal (human or otherwise - this chemical was first noticed in the north american vole mouse and later found in humans as well) is around their mate of choice. Non-monogamous mammals do not secrete this chemical in any significant amount, but monogamous ones do. A lot of it. As well, the brain secretes a significant amount of dopamine during sexual intercourse. Even more in illicit affairs. Same stuff that is excreted in sky diving, bungee jumping, etc. And it's highly addictive.

There is a lot of factors, but yes, it does have to do with attention. Physical, mental, emotional attention. And what chemicals that are secreted in the brain as it relates to that attention. That was the basis for my tirade. And you have not refuted that one bit.

**DeezNutz** · 02-17-2009, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katipan

"You look like this chick that gave me the best blow job of my life."

Best pick up line ever.
Gets us in competition mode.

Interesting.

I used to use future tense in my glory days. Some chicks like being told what to do, "sexually"--(using the Demonpenz voice from his n00b song).

Katipan · 02-17-2009, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saccogoo

There is a lot of factors, but yes, it does have to do with attention. Physical, mental, emotional attention. And what chemicals that are secreted in the brain as it relates to that attention. That was the basis for my tirade. And you have not refuted that one bit.

****, I don't have a problem blaming biology for my indiscretion. I don't buy it, but I'll do it.

I have a problem with...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saccogoo

It's not that she isn't getting attention at home, it's that she wants/demands/needs attention and wants to feel wanted and attractive by more than her spouse. .

On any given day what I want is the attention of my mate. Everything else is gravy.

**Iowanian** · 02-17-2009, 02:30 PM

If you had a horsecock and punished her womb with such amazing dexterity, you'd already have the video proof on youpRon.

**DeezNutz** · 02-17-2009, 02:31 PM

Or on YourTube.

02-17-2009, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katipan

I could tell you stories about other women. I could feed you Cosmo stats of why women cheat. I could tell you that I've never met a woman who if given a Prince Charming at home, would go out and cheat. If she cheated, her idea of Prince Charming wasn't at home. I've never met a married woman who cheated for strange. (Tho, mathematically I'm sure they're out there) That's inherently a male trait. Women can get it anytime anywhere. Opportunities are boundless. Women choose to marry in SPITE of it. They don't go looking for it afterwards.

Women love to chat. If communication solved everything with the great communicators that men are, they wouldn't cheat. My ex exploded just as violently when I tried to leave him the right way as he did when I tried to leave him the wrong way. Some of your Prince Charming victims have a helluva lot more to do with their woman straying than you give them credit for.

What was your other theory? Attention? Such crap. If I had craved attention I would have sat at the club and giggled and flirted my way up and down the bar. What I craved was an intimate emotional attachment. If I could get have got it at home... Geez. I confess I'm lazy, I'd rather have it at home.

I like you for a lot of reasons but mostly because you're real and when you want to you can bare your soul on a message board. Men would be well advised to read and then re-read this very post from you to understand the psyche of the female mind. They don't live for the sex like we men do. They want to connect intimately with their mate. The sex is a healthy by-product of women feeling loved and cared for.

Selfishness is a very human trait exclusive of gender. We men battle selfishness and our egos. Neither are conducive to fostering a healthy relationship with a wife. If my buddies say I'm whipped, I regard that as a compliment. That generally indicates I'm paying attention to my wife and meeting her needs, something I was clueless in achieving during my first marriage. Women typically don't understand that we need to feel that respect because we're the hunters and providers.

The point is that our society and education system wants to teach history, reading, writing, math, cooking, sex, women's liberation, black history, and how to work on our cars but when is the last time you saw a secular class on how to make your marriage work - what makes you spouse tick so you can succeed in marriage? Where are those classes? Why can't we teach our youth how to communicate with their spouses and achieve marital happiness?

The Buddha · 02-17-2009, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katipan

****, I don't have a problem blaming biology for my indiscretion. I don't buy it, but I'll do it.

I have a problem with...

On any given day what I want is the attention of my mate. Everything else is gravy.

Perhaps this is because you are self-confident and have self-eseteem.

Trying to say women want this and that is absolute crap. A content, happy woman will want something entirely different than someone constantly needing affirmation and compliments.

Also, the age of a girl is important. Young girls don't know what they want as much as old women, and are more prone to try new things. Not all of them, but some.

Jilly · 02-17-2009, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Buddha

Perhaps this is because you are self-confident and have self-eseteem.

Trying to say women want this and that is absolute crap. A content, happy woman will want something entirely different than someone constantly needing affirmation and compliments.

Also, the age of a girl is important. Young girls don't know what they want as much as old women, and are more prone to try new things. Not all of them, but some.

I wonder why it is that so many women are not self confident and don't have self esteem? So much so that katipan or I would include myself are the exception to your rules?
Seems perhaps if you're the parent of a daughter, you might wonder about this?

**DeezNutz** · 02-17-2009, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jilly

I wonder why it is that so many women are not self confident and don't have self esteem? So much so that katipan or I would include myself are the exception to your rules?
Seems perhaps if you're the parent of a daughter, you might wonder about this?

How could they not struggle?

They're constantly berated with shit like, "Is a size 4 fat?" and recurring images of criticized, "imperfect" celebs. It's a byproduct of the culture in which we live.

Turn on E for 5 minutes.

No excuse. Just reality. Parents have to do a lot to overcome this.

Saccopoo · 02-17-2009, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katipan

On any given day what I want is the attention of my mate. Everything else is gravy.

Relationships are a two-way street.

However, you wanted attention. So you went out and got it. And I know your particular story from other stuff you've posted on here. At least from what you have said, drugs played an issue in your situation with your spouse. That creates a whole new set of problems that goes beyond the normal wanting/needing/desiring attention thing that is a part of basic human biology. Personally, I don't know what you were trying to accomplish by having an affair and also staying with a spouse who became addicted to drugs. That's a train wreck waiting to happen.

kcfanXIII · 02-17-2009, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Dude Abides

Actually, we have a mutual friend, and I heard that they are now engaged. How twisted is that.

sorry, this is where i stopped, i can't help but share my cheater story now. this girl i dated last fall was coming out of a marriage in which the husband had been cheating for over five years. we dated for a few months before diferances caused us to split, but the whole time we dated i dealt with this manipulative "ex." he would call me at 6 in the am on a sunday, and say "make sure my wife makes it home in time to take care of our kids." anyways, like i said, couldn't agree on some issues, and we split. couple weeks ago i find out the two of them are getting back together. whats funny, he's managed to make her think it was her fault he cheated. i got some texts from them both last weekend, from her asking my forgiveness for her using me, from him for being the "root cause of my sins." my answer to both was the same. if it helps you sleep at night, sure. he proceeded to get preachy with me, thats when i pulled out one of my favorite denzel lines ever "forgiveness is between you and god." i left out the part about arranging their meeting. really, i can't wait till he cheats again, lol, and he will. he's a POS.

Katipan · 02-17-2009, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saccogoo

Relationships are a two-way street.

However, you wanted attention. So you went out and got it. And I know your particular story from other stuff you've posted on here. At least from what you have said, drugs played an issue in your situation with your spouse. That creates a whole new set of problems that goes beyond the normal wanting/needing/desiring attention thing that is a part of basic human biology. Personally, I don't know what you were trying to accomplish by having an affair and also staying with a spouse who became addicted to drugs. That's a train wreck waiting to happen.

You leave me little to argue with and thats annoying.

Saccopoo · 02-17-2009, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jilly

I think Katipan is full of wisdom, personally and I'd listen to her if I were you on this thread because she's spot on, imo.

Spot on with what? She wasn't getting the attention that she perceived she needed from her husband so she has an adulterous affair in order to fill that emotional void in her current relationship while still actively maintaining that said relationship? That's wisdom? That's what I should listen to? Am I missing something here?

memyselfI · 02-17-2009, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jilly

I think Katipan is full of wisdom, personally and I'd listen to her if I were you on this thread because she's spot on, imo.

But, in defense of this woman, it takes a lot of GUTS to leave the guy you're married to, you know? It's not like you can just up and walk out. It took me a good 4 years before I finally left my ex. And it isn't that I didn't know it was the right thing to do, it was all the embarassment I had to face in doing it. I'm not defending her, I'm just saying...walking away from your situation is a ****ing hard thing to do.

From what I understand she DID NOT LEAVE or walk away. They lived together.

It was the OP who believed that a woman was living with a man she'd broken up with and not sleeping with him anymore. Yet, he was helping her with the bills.

Sorry, the woman is not the bad person in this situation. She was doing what she was ALLOWED to do.

02-16-2009, 04:21 PM
The Dude Abides Starter Join Date: Jan 2006 Casino cash: $6744940	Confronting a cheater Haven't been here in awhile, so check this out. Guess this could be related to the cheaters thread, but oh well. I had been seeing this woman for about 3 years. Everything was great, we got along, amazing sex, etc. But during this whole time, I live in Wichita, she in Newton, a 30 minute drive. She always had to visit me at my house because she lived with her ex. They had never been married, just dated for 9 years. Long story short, I saw the end coming, she was pulling away, as she had done before a few years ago, so I found where she lived and told her supposed ex the whole story of me and his woman. Oh yeah, they were very much together, he said. But he was a big puss and didn't get mad or anything. But needless to say, she got hysterical, said she hated me, i ruined her life, etc. I knew all this was going to happen anyway, but I just couldn't let her get away with her doing the whole player thing. So basically, what is your opinion on confronting the cheaters significant other? Last edited by The Dude Abides; 02-16-2009 at 05:30 PM..
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02-17-2009, 02:30 PM	#230
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $1638454	If you had a horsecock and punished her womb with such amazing dexterity, you'd already have the video proof on youpRon.
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