Make me Laugh: Get Rep

[Buck]

I don't know about you, but today is a snoozefest here.

Make me laugh I'll give you positive rep.

[luv]

Originally Posted by kaplin42

Is that SFW?

[Pioli Zombie]

I have you ever gotten drunk at a party and had sex with a monkey?
Posted via Mobile Device

[kaplin42]

Originally Posted by luv

And they say there are no such thing as stupid questions...

[BigCatDaddy]

I took a poop in my friends mom's pillow case and then placed it back on the bed. Poop down of course.

[kaplin42]

Originally Posted by luv

Is that SFW?

subject matter maybe be kinda risky, but other than that, its really not all that bad.

[Buck]

Originally Posted by Ultra Peanut

A man gets home from his work at the stock exchange. He lives alone except for a medium sized retriever named Roger. His life is shallow and unfulfilling. His relationships last for only days, his family has fallen out of touch, and he is developing a sizable gut. He has also been drinking more than usual. Every day he comes home and looks into his liquor cabinet, seeing the bottles a little emptier then they were the day before, and his memory of how they were drained is always clouded and indistinct.

As the man walks into the door of his small, lonely, suburban house; he sighs and places his briefcase onto the couch. Roger wags his tail, and trots over to greet him. The man pats the dog with a lack of conviction. The dog looks at his master as he slowly removes his Cambridge shirt, revealing his sagging body, and tired frame. The dog with his tail still wagging sits down and waits expectantly to be fed. After the man checks his messages (only one, from a woman to cancel a date), and looks at the news on the TV (just more of the same boring shit, except with different names), he microwaves Roger a can Alpo, and pours himself a beer. "Something for the dog, something for the master," he thinks in a mocking tone inside of his head. After the beer, he goes back to the fridge, then the cabinet; the evening is well underway.

The night has worn on. The TV plays a hollow sounding female voice in the throes of faking an orgasm. The man watches non-affected; porn lost its luster some time ago. "Shit," he thinks to himself, "life lost its luster some time ago." He flips off the TV, silencing the almost comical grunts coming from it. He knocks over an empty shot glass, and it hits the floor with a dulled thud. Roger looks up, his canine eyes alert, and his ears perked. Roger has been noticing a change in his master. The man has been slowing down and becoming heavy with the stench of the liquid he drinks lately. Roger has been trying to avoid him as much as possible, and the man seems not to mind much.

The man has been thinking about his life lately (even before tonight), and as he looks over at the golden furred animal sitting at the far end of the room he begins to think a bit differently.

"That dog could do the same ****ing thing I do day in and day out. I'm doing nothing to relate myself to being human. Everything that makes me a step above that damn beast has been robbed from my life! I'm nothing but a damn machine!"

Roger looks at his master, with distrust. Something has changed in the man-thing's demeanor. The man gets up off the couch, and stalks toward his bedroom. Roger shies away and watches him carefully. The man stands in his bedroom, searching with a passion through his chest drawers. He finds what he is looking for; Roger's spare collar. He walks back out into the living room, stumbling as the alcohol begins to take a real hold on his brain. Roger goes slowly to sniff his hand, trying to assure the man that he is the one in charge; that Roger poses no threat. The man grabs Roger, and drags him into his room. Roger lets out a scared yelp, and tries to resist. The man, however, succeeds, dragging the dog to the front of his closet. Throwing clothes about in a helter skelter manner, he finally finds what he wants.

A $700 business suit lay in his hands, its expensive fabric folded in his grasp. He rips it off of its hanger, disregarding its condition. A year ago he would have regarded the suit as a symbol of power, but now he holds both the collar and the suit in the same manner. After the suit is off of its hanger he grabs the terrified dog again, forcing the suit onto it as best he can. The dog bites, scratches, and growls, trying to get out of the smooth, perfumed prison. The man overpowers him, however, and the dog is stuck, writhing, inside of the clothing. The man, satisfied with what he has done, strips down out of his own soiled clothing, throwing it aside without regard. He clamps the hard collar onto his own neck. Looking down at the dog before him he howls, a sound both pitiable and contemptible. His insane howl turns to laughter as he looks down at the absurd sight of the dog in human clothing before him.

"HAHAHAHAHA," his stretched and crazed voice sounds into the darkness, "You're the man now, dog!"

All that for ytmnd?

Bravo, I guess.

[Pioli Zombie]

I masturbated in front of my friends mom. What makes it even worse is that I'm 49 years old
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[kaplin42]

Originally Posted by Pioli Zombie

I masturbated in front of my friends mom. What makes it even worse is that I'm 49 years old
Posted via Mobile Device

Don't worry, im sure one day you will get laid.

[Pioli Zombie]

I sure hope so. My friends mom is almost 80 and the sex just isn't that good
Posted via Mobile Device

[kaplin42]

Originally Posted by Pioli Zombie

I sure hope so. My friends mom is almost 80 and the sex just isn't that good
Posted via Mobile Device

Don't know why, but you made me think of this.

[luv]

Originally Posted by kaplin42

subject matter maybe be kinda risky, but other than that, its really not all that bad.

I'll just wait until I get home, then.

[Bearcat]

Originally Posted by Braincase

http://social.answers.microsoft.com/...d-bbd5cb1a7605

It depends on the size of the gigabyte, if it's a bigger gigabyte it will weigh more (like a normal bite of your Mcdonalds) ...the bigger the byte the more energy (jiggawatts) it will consume and therefore weigh more. Using the formula w=g/j (weight = gigabytes/jiggawatts) you will see how much the weight will increase. Avoid .exe files as they are really heavy according to Christophé Toffy Brun in his 1908 memoirs...

[beach tribe]

Obviously some of you haven't read the Epic Fail thread.

[kaplin42]

Originally Posted by beach tribe

Obviously some of you haven't read the Epic Fail thread.

Several of the pictures are from that thread, but they are funny enough to warrant a repost.

[beach tribe]

This may not work.