Parental advice needed

[Mr. Plow]

As some of you know, I've got 4 kids - 3 boys (11, 5, 4) & 1 girl (2). My wife & I have recently discovered that our 11 year old is starting puberty. Voice is changing, mood swings, hair under his arms, etc.

Being the great father I am, I hoped it would just go away and he would revert back to the cute, loving 4 year old that I remember - but alas, it isn't working no matter how much I try to ignore it.

We have noticed that he has taken an interest in the fairer sex as of late, but we have also discovered that he has taken an interest in....uhhhhh....ahem....internet porn.

My wife asked me if I looked at porn when I was his age, and I honestly don't remember if I did. But, as I told her, if I did look at porn, I certainly didn't have the readily access to it that he does in this age of computers, iPods, laptops, etc. I told her that if I wanted to look at porn, I had to look at magazines - which, in hindsight, really sucks compared to what options are available now.

So, now I get to have "the talk" with him. I get to try to explain to him what I actually know about women, which is very little, and what he and his body are going through. I also get to try to explain what is going on in the video's & pictures he has seen and how women should be respected & treated.

I never really had "the talk" with my dad, so I'm looking for a little guidance from those of you that have been through this with a child.

[bevischief]

This should be interesting...

[allen_kcCard]

My son is 8....I'll be taking notes.

[Mr. Plow]

Originally Posted by bevischief

This should be interesting...

I fully expect this to go badly....but, I'm hoping to find a few good tidbits of info in there somewhere.

[MOhillbilly]

i told my cousin when he was about 11 that if he got hair in other places there was something wrong with him.

[CaliforniaChief]

I would just be direct and honest, including how uncomfortable you are in talking about it in large part because your dad never shared with you. Ask him what he knows and what he doesn't know, and tell him that you just want him to feel comfortable asking you whatever he wants.

I think trying to act like it's no big deal won't work. He'll see through it and see what you're doing as a necessary evil.

[Jenson71]

I never had the talk. Good luck.

[Mr. Plow]

Originally Posted by MOhillbilly

i told my cousin when he was about 11 that if he got hair in other places there was something wrong with him.

[seclark]

tell him not to use that self tanning lotion to jerk off with. my son woke up one morning, thinking his dick was rotting off.
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[ClevelandBronco]

You won't get much help from the usual crew. Lucky thing Gaz is on the way.

[Pants]

Man, if there was a way to somehow filter all the nasty shit out and just leave the pretty naked ladies posing, it would be nice. I don't have an 11 year old, but I think I would be OK with him checking nude girls out. I would not want him to get desensitized to all that sick shit until he was at least 15-16. This is tough, Hawk.

[Brock]

"The talk" is an antiquated idea whose time came and went a long time ago.

[bevischief]

Originally Posted by seclark

tell him not to use that self tanning lotion to jerk off with. my son woke up one morning, thinking his dick was rotting off.
sec

[Mile High Mania]

It's a tough call... I guess a lot will depend on how you think your view of religion falls into it. I think you should do everything possible to avoid talking down to him, talk with him and DO NOT make it sound like he's weird or doing something evil by looking at porn.

Most normal males found a way to look at a Playboy or one of those shows on Cinemax back in the day when Cable first hit the scene.

The kid is doing what is perfectly normal for a kid with questions and racing hormones. You know he's probably seen just about anything and everything that you don't want him to see. And, thanks to friends... he's probably heard more than he needs to know about sex, women, etc.

So, I would try to keep it simple - it's going to be awkward as hell for both of you. Ask him what he has questions about... ask him if he understands what really happens when people get naked and exchange juices. Babies, marriage, the hardships involved by doing things way too early.

As long as you keep it open ... and don't make it sound like he's doing evil things, I think you can have a good conversation. Be honest and say up front "Hey, you and I do need to talk about this... and please know that you won't get in trouble for being honest with me." The kid has probably heard about and seen pictures of everything (as mentioned earlier), but that doesn't mean he understands it... so, that's the part you need to focus on and just let him know that you're always there for him.

When I turned 16... my talk with my dad consisted of him walking by me as I was reading the paper, he dropped a small brown bag in front of me and said "I know you're at that age and while I can't force you not to do something... I don't want you to be afraid NOT to buy these or get into a situation where you don't have them."

I opened the bag and there was a package of condoms... that was both shocking and appreciated, but still... that was the bulk of our li'l sex talk.

Enjoy.

[The Franchise]

Make sure he knows.....that you never go ATM.