Parental advice needed

[Mr. Plow]

As some of you know, I've got 4 kids - 3 boys (11, 5, 4) & 1 girl (2). My wife & I have recently discovered that our 11 year old is starting puberty. Voice is changing, mood swings, hair under his arms, etc.

Being the great father I am, I hoped it would just go away and he would revert back to the cute, loving 4 year old that I remember - but alas, it isn't working no matter how much I try to ignore it.

We have noticed that he has taken an interest in the fairer sex as of late, but we have also discovered that he has taken an interest in....uhhhhh....ahem....internet porn.

My wife asked me if I looked at porn when I was his age, and I honestly don't remember if I did. But, as I told her, if I did look at porn, I certainly didn't have the readily access to it that he does in this age of computers, iPods, laptops, etc. I told her that if I wanted to look at porn, I had to look at magazines - which, in hindsight, really sucks compared to what options are available now.

So, now I get to have "the talk" with him. I get to try to explain to him what I actually know about women, which is very little, and what he and his body are going through. I also get to try to explain what is going on in the video's & pictures he has seen and how women should be respected & treated.

I never really had "the talk" with my dad, so I'm looking for a little guidance from those of you that have been through this with a child.

[pr_capone]

As a kid I looked at porn on the net. I had access to local bulletin boards with a 2400baud modem. I was busted and basically had a confrontation with my parents as opposed to them having a conversation with me about it.

I quickly learned how to hide my downloads and how to clear my cookies and cache. It is even easier now with private browsing now being included in web browsers.

I'm not a parent but I would think that a parent would want control over what their kid is able to view online. You can limit his access to the internet either by time or you can sensor by content.

Some routers have the ability to restrict internet use by time. Say, your kid can use the internet from 6:30 to 9:30 every day. Anything after 9:30 you would have to type in a password.

On the other hand, there are programs available like Net Nanny that filter the internet by content.

Feature Set:

Net Nanny includes a host of valuable features, including the remote management and remote reporting functions. The remote function allows you, as the administrator; to be anywhere in the world with a computer and Internet connection to access activity logs and make configuration changes. You can stay current on the Internet use in your home, while at work or on vacation.

Net Nanny uses Dynamic Contextual Analysis to filter web content. In other words, CNN.com might be blocked in the morning because of a very violent news story. However, an hour later, when the website content changes, the site will again be allowed. This software also has the option of a “warning” function as opposed to a “blocking” function. The user receives a warning of objectionable material, but then is permitted to proceed without interruption or restriction. Profanity is another filter category. Net Nanny can go through a website and make sure you aren't bombarded with vulgar language.

Net Nanny can instantly notify parents via email if children attempt to access objectionable material. Another practical feature is the ability to override blocked websites quickly with a password.

Another innovative feature included in the new Net Nanny is the ability to block certain PC games. The new feature utilizes the ESRB (Entertainment Software Rating Board) ratings so you can restrict games with mature content.

Another feature that has become particularly important is the ability to monitor social networking sites. Parents can now get detailed reports on Facebook profiles, including friends’ lists, pictures, videos, personal descriptions and wall posts. They can even monitor their childrens' Facebook IM conversations.

Proxy software tries to bypass filters to let users access objectionable content. With Net Nanny, you can block these programs before they can create a serious lapse in security. It also blocks any websites with offer similar functions. It blocks proxies, secure proxies, and local host proxies or application proxies.

You can get a sense of your children's search activity. You can view each user’s web, video, and image searches on all the popular search engines like Google, Yahoo, Bing, and Ask.

ContentWatch also included user requested features, such as the ability to view instant messaging conversations on social networking websites, receive email notifications in real-time, hourly, monthly, daily or weekly and block keywords, the uploading of pictures and posting and commenting on blogs or forums.

[Jenson71]

Maybe you could put him on chiefsplanet and we can do the talk for you? Save you some time anyway.

[Jilly]

I've posted this before:

[RJ]

Originally Posted by Brock

"The talk" is an antiquated idea whose time came and went a long time ago.

These days a kid can learn pretty much everything he needs to know about sex from prime time television.

[Mr. Plow]

Originally Posted by pr_capone

As a kid I looked at porn on the net. I had access to local bulletin boards with a 2400baud modem. I was busted and basically had a confrontation with my parents as opposed to them having a conversation with me about it.

I quickly learned how to hide my downloads and how to clear my cookies and cache. It is even easier now with private browsing now being included in web browsers.

I'm not a parent but I would think that a parent would want control over what their kid is able to view online. You can limit his access to the internet either by time or you can sensor by content.

Some routers have the ability to restrict internet use by time. Say, your kid can use the internet from 6:30 to 9:30 every day. Anything after 9:30 you would have to type in a password.

On the other hand, there are programs available like Net Nanny that filter the internet by content.

I'm going to look into that Net Nanny - because honestly, I need something to block that effectively. What about for iPod touch - is there anything out there for those? My wife found mine downstairs, pulled up the internet and saw a bunch of sites. Thought I was looking at porn when it was my son.

[mlyonsd]

Originally Posted by Jenson71

Maybe you could put him on chiefsplanet and we can do the talk for you? Save you some time anyway.

This.

Brilliant idea.

[Mr. Plow]

Originally Posted by Jenson71

Maybe you could put him on chiefsplanet and we can do the talk for you? Save you some time anyway.

This is one of the sites I'm trying to stop him from going to.

[CoMoChief]

Kids are going to look at porn whether you block the shit on your computer or not.

Just sayin' There's really no way around it.

[Jilly]

In all honesty, Mr. Plow, it's great to be active about this now. As much as I look at porn and know that the majority of men do as well, it is something that can be addictive and provide harmful ideas about how women are to be treated and an 11 year old is not quite ready for that sort of discussion about being demeaned, etc. That being said, I think it's really important that when you have the discussion that you teach him that masturbation, etc and all this is normal for his age and for sexuality. It's your job, however, to keep lines of communication open for the talks that will come later. While it's scary that he is only 11, that's the normal age for boys and girls to start wondering about their own ability to use their bodies.

I have no idea if you are a church going person or not, but in our denomination we have an actual "sex camp" for kids a year older than him, that teaches kids not the whole True Love Waits curriculum, but a more rational understanding of sex and what it means to be God's creation. The camp gives kids the tools they need to make sound decisions in regards to sexuality and also biologically teaches them about how their bodies work so that it normalizes those feelings that puberty brings on of attraction to others and fascination with masturbating, etc. You can PM me if you want some info on that, or if you want some of the tools the curriculum itself uses. I think what it teaches is life changing and empowering for young people.

[CoMoChief]

Originally Posted by Jilly

In all honesty, Mr. Plow, it's great to be active about this now. As much as I look at porn and know that the majority of men do as well, it is something that can be addictive and provide harmful ideas about how women are to be treated and an 11 year old is not quite ready for that sort of discussion about being demeaned, etc. That being said, I think it's really important that when you have the discussion that you teach him that masturbation, etc and all this is normal for his age and for sexuality. It's your job, however, to keep lines of communication open for the talks that will come later. While it's scary that he is only 11, that's the normal age for boys and girls to start wondering about their own ability to use their bodies.

I have no idea if you are a church going person or not, but in our denomination we have an actual "sex camp" for kids a year older than him, that teaches kids not the whole True Love Waits curriculum, but a more rational understanding of sex and what it means to be God's creation. The camp gives kids the tools they need to make sound decisions in regards to sexuality and also biologically teaches them about how their bodies work so that it normalizes those feelings that puberty brings on of attraction to others and fascination with masturbating, etc. You can PM me if you want some info on that, or if you want some of the tools the curriculum itself uses. I think what it teaches is life changing and empowering for young people.

Horrible idea. No teenager is gonna wanna listen to that crap.

[Jilly]

What I'm saying is that the porn is secondary to the hormones at work, I think it's healthy at this point to teach him that what's happening is normal, give him some solid material to use, and let him know there are appropriate and inappropriate ways of satisfying what is for humans a basic need.

[NewChief]

My dad had a talk with me when I was like 16 years old or so because he found my brother's porn stash and figured out I'd been looking at them. My parents were extremely religious, but even my dad had a "real" talk with me. He said something like, "Son, it's natural to want to look at porn. There's nothing really wrong with it. The main problem is that it gives you a skewed and inaccurate view of women. You know that your mom and I don't agree with pornography and don't want it in our house, so I threw away those magazines."

I think what he said about porn not being a "real" depiction of women is a good point.

[Jilly]

Originally Posted by CoMoChief

Horrible idea. No teenager is gonna wanna listen to that crap.

yeah, it's the most successful camp we have and has changed the lives of thousands of teens, but whatever

[Brock]

Originally Posted by Jilly

yeah, it's the most successful camp we have and has changed the lives of thousands of teens, but whatever

Yeah, sure it has.

[KCUnited]

Can't get preggers in the butt.