Parenting advice needed: 13 yo female

[cdcox]

Originally Posted by wutamess

This is what I need... We don't mind her turning on us (I say that now). But I don't want to give her the space where we'll be grandparents raising a grandchild in our 30's. In my mind I'm thinking be on her like flies to shit and when she's 18 let her loose.

Once she's 18 she's an adult and we've done our jobs as far as held up our end of the bargain in raising a good kid. Wifey and I have never had an issue with being together on things and always talk things through and out of site of the kiddos.
I have to go through this 3 more times ! UGH!

Here's what I mean when I say her turning on you:

Scenario A: You set some clear boundaries with consequences. She knows what they are. You give her age-appropriate freedoms (you have to determine what age appropriate means). When she violates a boundary, you follow through with consequences. And then you take your chances just like every other parent. And you probably don't go digging for information that you don't want to learn.

Scenario B: You keep her under close surveillance. You monitor her every activity. You scare away every boy that comes close. You limit her opportunities to be without adult supervision. She becomes bitter and feels like you don't respect her. How do you think she will respond when she turns 18 or goes away to college?

As I said, my daughter is 20. She is no where near ready to support herself financially. But if she gets knocked up I'll help her give the child up for adoption. I won't support one of her kids and I won't help her with an abortion. If she doesn't want to give the child up for adoption, she can figure things out for herself. That is my boundary that I am comfortable with. Someone else's might be different. I hope I never need to resort to that contingency, but I have a plan in place if worse comes to worse.

[Dante84]

Originally Posted by cdcox

As I said, my daughter is 20. She is no where near ready to support herself financially. But if she gets knocked up I'll help her give the child up for adoption. I won't support one of her kids and I won't help her with an abortion. If she doesn't want to give the child up for adoption, she can figure things out for herself. That is my boundary that I am comfortable with. Someone else's might be different. I hope I never need to resort to that contingency, but I have a plan in place if worse comes to worse.

Damn, that would be tough to kick a grandkid to the curb like that. But I understand what you are saying.

[cdcox]

Originally Posted by Dante84

Damn, that would be tough to kick a grandkid to the curb like that. But I understand what you are saying.

The kid would be in a good home if adopted.

I just don't have raising another kid in me.

[Lzen]

Originally Posted by Dante84

Damn, that would be tough to kick a grandkid to the curb like that. But I understand what you are saying.

It sounds harsh until you hear the other side of it. My dumb ass sister is too accepting of his behavior. She had a kid when she was a teen so I think that is part of it.

When her middle daughter was 16, she got pregnant. Instead of making a big deal out of it, she was almost too excited about it. She chose to raise the child while my niece was able to run and play and not be forced to be a mother. I think that is sending the absolute wrong message. Keep in mind that my neither my niece or my sister are married.

Then her oldest (son) is on his second kid (out of wedlock). He has no job and no way to support these kids. Sure, he's not a teen anymore (24), but he is not exactly ready to settle down and raise kids either.

Most recently, my sister's youngest kid got pregnant when she was 17 and still in high school (couple years ago). When I found out my sister made some smart ass comment about my son (who was 16 at the time) was next. I said **** you, I'm not accepting of that behavior like she is. Yeah, I know it is possible and I can't control everything they do all the time. You have to hope you raised them right and they make the right decisions. But they know I will kill them if they make me a grandparent while still in my 30s or 40s.

[Hootie]

Originally Posted by cdcox

As I said, my daughter is 20. She is no where near ready to support herself financially. But if she gets knocked up I'll help her give the child up for adoption. I won't support one of her kids and I won't help her with an abortion. If she doesn't want to give the child up for adoption, she can figure things out for herself. That is my boundary that I am comfortable with. Someone else's might be different. I hope I never need to resort to that contingency, but I have a plan in place if worse comes to worse.

Hmm...

I could see his at 17 or 18...

but 20?

20 is still young...but a child at 20 isn't something to really frown at...mistake or not.

16? 17? 18 even...? Yeah...I'd agree.

lets get back to this 20 year old daughter though...she into older guys?! Older guys with low ceilings?

Let me know.

[PornChief]

tell her to bring the little dude around for a BBQ or something so you get to meet him at least. Trying to stop teen girls from talking to boys? Might as well try stop time and tide.

[wutamess]

Originally Posted by PornChief

tell her to bring the little dude around for a BBQ or something so you get to meet him at least. Trying to stop teen girls from talking to boys? Might as well try stop time and tide.

That's another thing... I don't want to meet my daughter's BF's. I know I have to but that's weird. First lil fugger that comes around with their pants hanging around their knees I'm going to blow a gasket and embarrass her. Really not prepared for the next 5 years.

[dj56dt58]

Originally Posted by PornChief

tell her to bring the little dude around for a BBQ or something .

I see where your going with this

[WebGem]

Oh and kissing and grinding on a guy is as far as she's gone? Damn she's behind. Someone needs to show her a good time. Rams Fan, you're about her age...right?

[Rams Fan]

Originally Posted by WebGem

Oh and kissing and grinding on a guy is as far as she's gone? Damn she's behind. Someone needs to show her a good time. Rams Fan, you're about her age...right?

Nope. You son of a.....

[Hammock Parties]

Become a Jehovah's Witness, and have the elders talk with her.

[wutamess]

Originally Posted by ClayWhit

Become a Jehovah's Witness, and have the elders talk with her.

OKAY!

[JOhn]

If you figure it out let me know....seriously Mine turns 14 this month. All I know is doing the best I can.

[BigCatDaddy]

Wow, what a mess.

[Buck]

Why don't you buy her an old shitty phone that doesn't have web access or apps? The pre-flip phone era ones.
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