Life Confronting a cheater - Page 18

The Dude Abides · 05:30 PM

Haven't been here in awhile, so check this out. Guess this could be related to the cheaters thread, but oh well. I had been seeing this woman for about 3 years. Everything was great, we got along, amazing sex, etc. But during this whole time, I live in Wichita, she in Newton, a 30 minute drive. She always had to visit me at my house because she lived with her ex. They had never been married, just dated for 9 years. Long story short, I saw the end coming, she was pulling away, as she had done before a few years ago, so I found where she lived and told her supposed ex the whole story of me and his woman. Oh yeah, they were very much together, he said. But he was a big puss and didn't get mad or anything. But needless to say, she got hysterical, said she hated me, i ruined her life, etc. I knew all this was going to happen anyway, but I just couldn't let her get away with her doing the whole player thing. So basically, what is your opinion on confronting the cheaters significant other?

**DeezNutz** · 02-17-2009, 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phobia

They are? Not in the last 20-30 years, they're not. Women are wired so that their self-worth is defined by their family - their kids. That's why their maternal instinct is so unbelievable to we men.

I'm not talking June Cleaver, here. The traditional romantic comedy is not far removed from the traditional Disney ending.

In a lot of ways, our culture still preaches that to be happy, especially for women, they need to be someone's wife, with 2.5 kids.

**Iowanian** · 02-17-2009, 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dirk digler

You have met my ex-wife?

Seriously though you are pretty much correct.

There are a lot of useless dickholes posing as men/husbands/boyfriends too. I'll not defend them.

men cheating on their wives/kids is just as wrong.

Jilly · 02-17-2009, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katipan

I think it's because I like looking at women.
Really.

I think I'm not nuts in that way because when I see a pretty girl, I think "Oh wow, pretty girl." Like her asthetic beauty is art. Not competition. Her "value" has nothing to do with mine.

I find myself competing far more with men than I do with women.

Plus, honestly. How we look is the one thing we can't control. Maybe some adjustments, but ultimately you don't get to control what you look like. I'd much rather walk into a room and have the boys come running because I'm loads of fun to be around.

I don't know why you're not nuts that way, but I like it!

Awww....excuse us, while we have a moment.

But I think that's true. I love women. Think they are beautiful, gorgeous creatures, even at their ugliest (for the most part). But, the self esteem part comes in, for you - in that you are gifted, talented, funny...so you've never needed your looks, they've just been a bonus. Hell, i think you're gorgeous and haven't a clue what you look like. But I think there are so many women who have no clue that they have gifts other than their beauty.

**dirk digler** · 02-17-2009, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katipan

I hurt everyone in the end. Even my kids. I've moved worlds since to try and make ammends. Some have allowed me to, some haven't.

That is good that you are trying to make amends.

I feel sorry mostly for my daughter having to be around her mom the whore and slut. I only say that because she is on her 3rd marriage having cheated on her first 2 husbands.

Funny thing is her new husband is Catholic and she recently became a Catholic against my objections but that is a whole other story.

Jilly · 02-17-2009, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeezNutz

I know what you're saying.

The counter-argument for this, however, is that women shouldn't give a shit about what men think or say. A woman's individual sense of self worth should absolutely not be defined by a man.

This is a learned response, though. From an early age, women are often taught that the "happily ever after" involves finding the prince. Think classic Disney ending. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, but women need additional healthy models for what defines success.

Back to my manly roots: I value a woman's ass as much as her tits. I keed. Sort of.

Hey, we have that in common!

Nah, I just heard at church on Sunday someone ask this 5 year old girl in the congregation if she had a boyfriend? she said, gross no, and this lady actually said to her, "well, you better get one soon." I found it disgusting.

02-17-2009, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeezNutz

I'm not talking June Cleaver, here. The traditional romantic comedy is not far removed from the traditional Disney ending.

In a lot of ways, our culture still preaches that to be happy, especially for women, they need to be someone's wife, with 2.5 kids.

Really? I see a lot of career glamorizing, dual income families, broken homes.

People are tired of the goofy dude with the hot wife and 2.5 kids sitcoms. They're watching Desperate Housewifes and other soap operas which glamorize divorcees sleeping around trying desperately to have their basic needs met.

02-17-2009, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dirk digler

That is good that you are trying to make amends.

I feel sorry mostly for my daughter having to be around her mom the whore and slut. I only say that because she is on her 3rd marriage having cheated on her first 2 husbands.

Funny thing is her new husband is Catholic and she recently became a Catholic against my objections but that is a whole other story.

Count your blessings. My ex became Muslim and still practices Islam even after she split from her new husband.

**dirk digler** · 02-17-2009, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phobia

Count your blessings. My ex became Muslim and still practices Islam even after she split from Mohammed.

That is crazy.

I just got finished going through the whole annulment process. I was led to believe Catholics were against abortion but I guess they make exceptions or they are hypocrites.

Katipan · 02-17-2009, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phobia

I think it's cool that you'll openly discuss it. I share for two reasons:
1. Venting is healthy.
2. I hope somebody reading can learn something from my mistakes and life experience.

I probably share too much. And no one has ever asked me the questions that I'd avoid like the plague anyways, but there is an intrinsic need to be understood.

I guess.

stevieray · 02-17-2009, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeezNutz

In a lot of ways, our culture still preaches that to be happy, especially for women, they need to be someone's wife, with 2.5 kids.

I'd say the culture has done a great job in telling women they can have it all.

Katipan · 02-17-2009, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jilly

But I think there are so many women who have no clue that they have gifts other than their beauty.

No one told them.

...But then I get impatient with that argument.

They SHOULD be able to identify all the ways they are uniquely glorious. Without being told. But then I've had what I'd consider to be a perfect 10 crying on my shoulder wondering why no one wanted her. On stage or in real life.

Women are ****ing nuts, and should just a free pass at life.

**DeezNutz** · 02-17-2009, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevieray

I'd say the culture has done a great job in telling women they can have it all.

It's better now than it's ever been. But I still don't think it's where it needs to be.

stevieray · 02-17-2009, 03:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeezNutz

It's better now than it's ever been. But I still don't think it's where it needs to be.

it is unrealistic..the price gets paid somewhere along the line. already has.

Jilly · 02-17-2009, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katipan

No one told them.

...But then I get impatient with that argument.

They SHOULD be able to identify all the ways they are uniquely glorious. Without being told. But then I've had what I'd consider to be a perfect 10 crying on my shoulder wondering why no one wanted her. On stage or in real life.

Women are ****ing nuts, and should just a free pass at life.

I get impatient with that argument as well....it's just weak. Why does anyone have to be told anyways? Look at men, the best thing you can do for them is stroke their ego...hell, sometimes that's better than stroking their cocks. I think humanity is just wired to want encouragement and to feel accepted, in all honesty.

and

except me, of course. I'm not nuts. I'm sticking with that.

Katipan · 02-17-2009, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevieray

I'd say the culture has done a great job in telling women they can have it all.

True.

But if a woman fails at her job, it's no big deal. If she fails at being a mother, she's a social pariah.

It's the opposite for men.

02-16-2009, 04:21 PM
The Dude Abides Starter Join Date: Jan 2006 Casino cash: $6744940	Confronting a cheater Haven't been here in awhile, so check this out. Guess this could be related to the cheaters thread, but oh well. I had been seeing this woman for about 3 years. Everything was great, we got along, amazing sex, etc. But during this whole time, I live in Wichita, she in Newton, a 30 minute drive. She always had to visit me at my house because she lived with her ex. They had never been married, just dated for 9 years. Long story short, I saw the end coming, she was pulling away, as she had done before a few years ago, so I found where she lived and told her supposed ex the whole story of me and his woman. Oh yeah, they were very much together, he said. But he was a big puss and didn't get mad or anything. But needless to say, she got hysterical, said she hated me, i ruined her life, etc. I knew all this was going to happen anyway, but I just couldn't let her get away with her doing the whole player thing. So basically, what is your opinion on confronting the cheaters significant other? Last edited by The Dude Abides; 02-16-2009 at 05:30 PM..
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