Worst Movies Evar

[Saccopoo]

The Megan Fox thread got me to thinking...what are your personal "worst" movies you've ever seen?

Here's my top five right off the top of my head:

1. Crank
- And Statham was so good in Snatch. WTF happened to that guy? This movie is a trainwreck of epic proportions. I'm getting physically sick just thinking about this pail of warm spit.

2. Nothing But Trouble
- No words to discribe how bad this piece of shit is as Dan Ackroyd builds up his acting resume with this triumphant followup to his Oscar worthy performance in Caddyshack 2. Everyone associated with this movie should be killed.

3. Clerks 2
- Why does Kevin Smith even make movies? He's like a really bad Quentin Tarrantino, and that's saying a lot (or very little). Blew his wad on the original Clerks and has treated us with calamities such as this ever since.

4. Any Given Sunday
- See #3 for description on Oliver Stone. The fact that he is actually putting out Wallstreet 2: Money Never Sleeps, put out Alexander and this steaming pile of monkey shit. I mean, when was the last time anyone played NFL football in the dark? Probably the last time Al Pacino didn't mail it in on a movie. HOOOHAAA! Al. Hoohaa indeed.

5. Righteous Kill
- Pacino. DeNiro. It's got to be great, right? OMG. They didn't even put a stamp on the letter to mail it in for this lump of festering goat bile. And next time, remember to get a stand in double for anytime you are being filmed trying to throw a ball or run Bobby. I mean, shit. Who would of thought that DeNiro throws like a girl. An old, wrinkled up sissy armed girl who runs like a hobbled 89 year old lady in six inch stilettos.

[JimNasium]

Gotta go old school with The fish that saved Pittsburgh FTW.

[Saccopoo]

Originally Posted by JimNasium

Gotta go old school with The fish that saved Pittsburgh FTW.

What?! With Set Shot? No wai!

[Sweet Daddy Hate]

Originally Posted by Pioli Zombie

Hot Dog: The Movie. Only one decent line. "What the Fruck is "Chinese downhill?". The rest was a big steaming pile of dogshit.
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Don't forget "Hamburger: The Movie"!

Honorable mentions:

Up The Creek.

Losin' It.
Tom Cruise, Shelly Long, and Jackie Earl Haley. You would think something watchable would come from this. You would be thinking incorrectly. I think this was Haley's last movie before going underground, and if you watch it you'll see why.

[Baby Lee]

Originally Posted by Saccopoo

I'm adding another one to the list:

Southland Tales

Starring: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Sean Thomas Michael Steven Lester Theodore Scott, Justin Timberlake, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Chris "Man I wish I could make just one more Highlander movie" Lambert, a plethora of other horrible B rate actors, and a host of the worst of the worst from Saturday Night Live from the past 15 years.

Premise: In post-nuclear holocaust Texas 2008, society deals with the GWB administrations failures in Iraq and Syria, an evil corporate international power possessing fascist Orwellian level control, and a national underground Marxist movement led by the most unbelievably stupid characters that one could imagine while Boxer Santanananaosomething lives a life of surreal, transcendental moments due to his being force through a rift in the time-space continuum along with fellow protagonist Dude Where's My Car. Features Justin Timberlake as a pyschotic super actor turned PTSS army veteran sniper who has a great chorus line song and dance number where he drinks beer and pours it over his head.

Exploding zeppelins, suicide, martyrdom, implied FFM poorly executed tango dance offs and the revelation of mankinds new messiah cap this stunner off.

Whoever wrote this, directed this and produced this steaming pile of gopher shit should be wrapped in chicken wire and cinder blocks and dumped over the side of a boat in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

One guy, same guy responsible for Donnie Darko.

[Pioli Zombie]

Blame it on Rio. Michael Caine has sex with Joseph Bologna's FIFTEEN year old daughter and they have an affair. Nice. But even beyond that hideous plot the directing, the music, the everything about this movie makes one wince the whole way through.
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[BigMeatballDave]

Could probably add Surrogates to this list...

[WolfStanssonDDS]

Originally Posted by Saccopoo

I'm adding another one to the list:

Southland Tales

Starring: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Sean Thomas Michael Steven Lester Theodore Scott, Justin Timberlake, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Chris "Man I wish I could make just one more Highlander movie" Lambert, a plethora of other horrible B rate actors, and a host of the worst of the worst from Saturday Night Live from the past 15 years.

Premise: In post-nuclear holocaust Texas 2008, society deals with the GWB administrations failures in Iraq and Syria, an evil corporate international power possessing fascist Orwellian level control, and a national underground Marxist movement led by the most unbelievably stupid characters that one could imagine while Boxer Santanananaosomething lives a life of surreal, transcendental moments due to his being force through a rift in the time-space continuum along with fellow protagonist Dude Where's My Car. Features Justin Timberlake as a pyschotic super actor turned PTSS army veteran sniper who has a great chorus line song and dance number where he drinks beer and pours it over his head.

Exploding zeppelins, suicide, martyrdom, implied FFM poorly executed tango dance offs and the revelation of mankinds new messiah cap this stunner off.

Whoever wrote this, directed this and produced this steaming pile of gopher shit should be wrapped in chicken wire and cinder blocks and dumped over the side of a boat in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

"I'm a pimp, and pimps don't commit suicide."
effing terrible

[WolfStanssonDDS]

I hate nicolas cage. he can't act at all.. so i turn on hbo and "the wicker man" remake he did is on, and i watch the whole thing.. and of course it was terrible.. but, i will give the movie this. there was a span where i couldn't stop laughing.. Cage beat the crap out of a bunch of ladies mercilessly. it was unexpected and great.

[Rain Man]

Nicholas Cage won a lifetime pass from me when I saw Raising Arizona. So I can't say anything bad about Nicholas Cage.

[Saccopoo]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Nicholas Cage won a lifetime pass from me when I saw Raising Arizona. So I can't say anything bad about Nicholas Cage.

Was it Cage or was it the Coen Bros. getting the most out of this overrated nepotistic actor? For me, based on his body of work, I think that the accolades need to go to the directors versus the actor.

[CoMoChief]

The Master of Disguise starring Dana Carvey has to be up there.


Another one of my g/f fabulous movie selections.

[Sweet Daddy Hate]

Is it no wonder people don't go to theaters much anymore?


More crap:

Either "Mannequin" movie. There was a shit-ton of throw away movies in the 80's.

Twister. Good God that sucked.

[Pioli Zombie]

Originally Posted by Raised On Riots

Is it no wonder people don't go to theaters much anymore?


More crap:

Either "Mannequin" movie. There was a shit-ton of throw away movies in the 80's.

Twister. Good God that sucked.

What was that awful Andrew McCarthy movie when he gets drunk and gets married to the hottie and they go to some island resort and Helen Hunt steals his heart. AWFUL
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[Pioli Zombie]

Blue Brothers 2000. Dear Lord what a letdown.
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[Sweet Daddy Hate]

Originally Posted by Pioli Zombie

What was that awful Andrew McCarthy movie when he gets drunk and gets married to the hottie and they go to some island resort and Helen Hunt steals his heart. AWFUL
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First, I would never knowingly watch ANY movie that paired those two up; they both suck so ****ing bad, they should have their SAC Cards burned.

And Helen Hunt? **** Helen Hunt. Just looking at her makes something in my soul rage with fury. I ****ing HATE Paul Riser, I HATED that stupid ****ing show of theirs, and when they ended up divorced in the finale and Janine Garofalo was their baby "grown up"; I all but did a jig of pure evil happiness in my living room.