Ask Iowanian. Pt II, the Keyboard of Doom

[Iowanian]

If you've got a problem, yo Ahll Solve it, check out my hooks, while DJ revolves it..tss tss ts tss tst

If Dr Laura, Dr Phil or Ann Landers couldn't help you.....Serve it up.


Its the offseason, the board needs something other than politics. This thread, and the answers will go where you take it. A serious Question....I'll try to help, and or rely on others......A not serious question....You'll get what you ask for.


disclaimer: Iowanian is not a licensed Doctor, Psychologist or anything else. No responsibility shall be taken by advisors on any issue within the thread. The answer "I have no #@%&* idea " is valid and acceptable for these purposes. If the thread sucks, it shall fade into planet oblivion.

[Iowanian]

If you're not willing to engage in the longest term solution, I have a suggestion.

Purchase 2 whistles....1 referee whistle, one Dog whistle. You can also purchase a high frequency device that annoys the hell out of animals.

Option 1. The dog barks....you blow the dog whistle in the back yard like its your job...the dog will whine, moan and stfu.

if that doesn't work....

When the dog barks, go in the back yard and blow your whistle until the neighbors come outside and keep blowing like you're in the desert, its' full of water and your wedding tackle is on fire. When the neighbor comes outside, say something like "kind of like having a dog bark"

If that doesn't work.....spray the dog with a hose over the fence.....or engage the "meatball surprise".

Originally Posted by FAX

Dear Dr. Doom:

Serious question here.

We have a neighbor across the street who has recently acquired a small dog who is, apparently, kept out-of-doors and yaps continually, incessantly, relentlessly and without let up both day and night. Did I mention it never stops? I'm certain that someone has already contacted the home owners' association, but the asshole dog continues to bark in its high-pitched, shrill, and extremely aggrevating manner so it's safe to assume that the association is doing nothing about it.

To make matters worse, the dog is in their back yard which is enclosed by a very high, wooden fence that would be difficult, if not impossible, to breach without a ladder. Also, the fence prevents me from getting a good shot at the little bastard. What should I do?

FAX

[Iowanian]

Originally Posted by tooge

I hate people and I am not sure what to do about it. I really would rather not go to jail. Thanks.

There are people on this earth that make it difficult for me to not be in jail.

If you're a full time, cranky bastard, may I suggest a career move to a remote location, like the oil fields on the north slope, or as a researcher on the South Pole. You'll either learn to get along, or you'll be remote enough that you'll be fed to bears by the others, or you can make Eskimo Jerky.

[Iowanian]

Originally Posted by JASONSAUTO

would that lake be table rock?

Good guess, but I'm partial to the other lake in that vicinity, which I will not say by name as to reveal it to the masses of assholes I'm fortunate enough to have believe the Ozarks is the lake of utopia.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Table Rock Lake kicks ass. I'm going to guess that the man is a fan of Lake Taneycomo. Which got me in a lot of ****ing trouble shooting bottle rockets into the lake at 2am 1 night. Tim was not a happy copper.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Plus I think Iowanian is a fan of "The Jolly".

[FAX]

Originally Posted by Iowanian

There are people on this earth that make it difficult for me to not be in jail.

If you're a full time, cranky bastard, may I suggest a career move to a remote location, like the oil fields on the north slope, or as a researcher on the South Pole. You'll either learn to get along, or you'll be remote enough that you'll be fed to bears by the others, or you can make Eskimo Jerky.

I have a pair of authentic mukluks that have never been worn. I'll sell them for only $5000.00 in cold, hard casino cash.

FAX

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Sold!!!!! I'll PM my shipping address.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Oh, do you take CPPal?

[FAX]

I do, indeed. I also accept MasterMukluk.

FAX

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Originally Posted by FAX

I do, indeed. I also accept MasterMukluk.

FAX

Priceless. Can you ship those via dog sled?

[FAX]

Originally Posted by Mr Flopnuts

Priceless. Can you ship those via dog sled?

I would, except that the dogs chew the heck out of them. Perhaps UPS would be better. Although it does happen, it's rare that a UPS delivery man bites into another man's mukluk.

FAX

[rockchalkgirl]

Originally Posted by luv

Looong story, but I'm just fed up with being nice. He may be 34, but he acts the same age as his girlfriend, which is 17.

Let me get this straight. He's 34, you are no longer in a relationship with him, and you are still paying for his cell phone??? It's time to be done. Now of course, that means he'll characterize you as a bitch. Rest assured, you're not. You are taking care of yourself and protecting yourself financially, which is way more important than whether he can make calls away from his house.

[stumppy]

Originally Posted by luv

Looong story, but I'm just fed up with being nice. He may be 34, but he acts the same age as his girlfriend, which is 17.

He has another gf ans you're still paying his phone bill ???


I'll let you in on one of his conversations with his buddies " And the dumb bitch is still paying for my cell phone........"

[Brock]

low self esteem

[luv]

Originally Posted by Brock

low self esteem

Procrastinator.