Science Hypothetical: Serving as a Prison Proxy - Page 3

**Rain Man** · 06-11-2015, 08:16 AM

In the Civil War, a rich person who was drafted into the Army could pay someone else to serve for him as a "substitute". One would think that this was a popular program among wealthy people.

In a hypothetical situation, assume that a scandal occurs in Congress of epic proportions. It appears that 52 Senators are about to go to prison for selling their votes to fund a new program to build a hypersonic stagecoach.

In a late-night voting session, the Senate and House approve a bill that allows people to pay someone else to serve time for them in prison. The final Senate vote was 52 to 48 to approve it.

You are approached by a wealthy business owner from your state by the name of Hiram Higginbotham. Mr. Higginbotham is willing to pay you to serve a one-year prison term that he got due to inciting a brawl in a wine and cheese bar.

You don't know the exact prison you'd be going to, but you can generally assume that it is a state prison with the following attributes:

1. You'll share a cell with one random prisoner.

2. 10 percent of prisoners are violent criminals, 10 percent are gang members, and 80 percent are nonviolent.

3. You'll be in your cell for 14 hours a day, working for 6, in a big group room for another 2, then 1 hour for meals and 1 hour outside.

4. You will have "wake up" and "lights out" at specified times.

5. Your work will likely involve cleaning stuff, working in the prison laundry, working in the prison cafeteria, or work of a similar nature. You'll earn roughly 28 cents an hour that will go into your prison commissary account.

6. You can be visited by your immediate family (spouse, kids, parents, etc.) and by an attorney or other advocate.

7. The cost of your room and board is, of course, provided by the state.

You will be allowed to tell anyone you wish - inside or outside prison - that you are there as a "substitute" and it will not appear on your criminal record. Assume that society views serving as a "substitute" to be a relatively low-class activity, but recognizes that it's not like being a felon or anything.

What's the lowest amount that you would take to serve Mr. Higginbotham's sentence?

**Bugeater** · 06-11-2015, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KurtCobain

You would do well in prison.

Oh hell, I'm going to get raped. I'm out.

cosmo20002 · 06-11-2015, 04:39 PM

Is there potential for a lot of rape? Because if so, it might not be so bad.

/livesteam

Kman34 · 06-11-2015, 04:44 PM

The money would have to be up front for me to do it...2 Million, 1 Million before I go in for my family then 1 mill when I get out...

**Rain Man** · 06-11-2015, 04:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThaVirus

I'd do it for $1,000,000.

I'm working a dead end job with no future currently anyway. I'm good friends with the owner/GM so I could probably just put on my resume that I was still working there for the past year while serving the time. Combine that with the fact that my record stays clean and I'd really be no worse for wear by doing a bid.

I don't have kids or a wife.

As far as doing the time, I could have some issues. I'm a bit on the small side and I've been called "pretty" before. At the same time I'm not a bitch and I do lift. No one's touching my sweet ass without losing some teeth or an eyeball or something.

Truthfully, my biggest issue with being locked up would probably be the boredom/lack of freedom. I'm moody and my mind state is easily affected by weather/surroundings. 23 hours of being surrounded by concrete walls every day for 365 days would wreck my spirit.

Still, $1M tax free after all's said and done would be a huge boost. I could buy a house and my retirement fund would essentially be taken care of. I could also go back to school and get a more useful degree while not having to work and focusing more on internships and networking.

You seem like a good candidate for this type of thing. I'll put you in my file.

I would defer to KurtCobain on this one, but I suspect that the violence may be oversold. I've heard that if a guy my age goes in, he gets pretty much left alone. It's only the young pretty ones like ThaVirus who are at risk of that. So I would agree that the locked-up part might be the most grinding problem. I like to travel, and I like to eat at restaurants, and I like to run long distances, and I like to hang out with my wife in our house, and all four would probably be severely curtailed in prison.

**Rain Man** · 06-11-2015, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BucEyedPea

Will I have internet access? If so cool. I can post here all day!

But due to bodily risk $2 million.

A women's prison? I don't think you face much bodily risk, though I hear that other prisoners may make a lot of cutting statements behind one's back.

Now, you might have to get married at some point, but I don't think that lesbian prison weddings are legally binding.

DJ's left nut · 06-11-2015, 04:52 PM

What would prevent me from sub-contracting?

Why couldn't I take this fellow's $500K and then pay $50K to a homeless loon to stand in on my behalf? This is America; economic efficiency rules the day.

If there are by-laws prevent the sale of a sale of a prison sentence, then it would depend on my continued job status. As a partner, it would be difficult but not impossible to excise my ass. If that were the case, this could go penny wise and pound foolish in a hurry.

If I'm guaranteed renewed employment at my present position/salary, I'd do it for $500K. It would give me more than enough for a large payment on any home I'd ever want to buy and my renewed income stream upon exit would supplement it nicely.

If I'm getting fired, however, it's gonna take more than $2 million. I don't want to start over this saturated damn job market. I know what we can get the newbies for these days...not interested in that slog. I'd need 'invest, retire and live off the interest' money. $3 million gets me enough to pretty well lock in about $100K/yr and enough buffer to ride out a market crash if I'm diversified. That works for me.

**Rain Man** · 06-11-2015, 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

What would prevent me from sub-contracting?

Why couldn't I take this fellow's $500K and then pay $50K to a homeless loon to stand in on my behalf? This is America; economic efficiency rules the day.

For the sake of this discussion, let's assume that subcontracting isn't allowed, though from an economic efficiency standpoint it's a good idea. But then again, in that scenario you wouldn't get many gigs because eventually someone would start a temp agency of homeless people willing to do it for $10,000.

The substitution law in the Civil War had a somewhat similar problem. People would get paid to be a substitute and then they would desert. They would then be a substitute for someone else in a different unit and show up there, and then desert again. In the pre-computer age it was hard to track these people.

**Mr. Flopnuts** · 06-12-2015, 09:42 AM

So you get on the inside and a guard doesn't like you. He sets you up to be shanked by a gang member. You either A. Die, or B. Defend yourself and kill the guy. Now the gang is after you and you're going up on murder charges. That's a realistic Outlook. How much would it cost now?

Give me the same country club prison these white collar ****s go to and I'll think about something in the 7-8 figure range. Otherwise, forget it!

**mikeyis4dcats.** · 06-12-2015, 10:12 AM

I'd do it for $500k. Because I'm confident I'd be realeasy after about 90 days.

**Rain Man** · 06-12-2015, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jerok

In these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women? OK I'll do it.

I think you still have to provide the women. I don't think the prison provides them.

TLO · 06-12-2015, 12:03 PM

I'll do it for $5,743,654.01 and not a penny less.

TLO · 06-12-2015, 12:05 PM

Are there weights provided during the outside time?

KurtCobain · 06-12-2015, 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Smoke

Are there weights provided during the outside time?

Missouri camps have really nice gyms, and lots of outdoor equipment.

BucEyedPea · 06-12-2015, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

A women's prison? I don't think you face much bodily risk, though I hear that other prisoners may make a lot of cutting statements behind one's back.

Now, you might have to get married at some point, but I don't think that lesbian prison weddings are legally binding.

Sounds like a decent deal. Think of all that reading, graphics and artwork I could do for myself. I'd so it for $2 million. Then start a business mass producing some of my work when I got out. Plus no bills for the year while in. Oh well maybe for art materials.

BucEyedPea · 06-12-2015, 03:14 PM

The gym is another perk. Nice. I like it. When does the real offer materialize Rain Main. You doing this survey/poll for a client?

View Poll Results: What's the lowest payment you would accept to be a 1-year prison proxy?
Room and board provided? I'd do it for free.	0	0%
$1,000	0	0%
$5,000	0	0%
$10,000	0	0%
$25,000	0	0%
$50,000	0	0%
$75,000	0	0%
$100,000	0	0%
$200,000	1	2.22%
$300,000	3	6.67%
$400,000	0	0%
$500,000	6	13.33%
$1 million	10	22.22%
$2 million or more	16	35.56%
I wouldn't do it for any price. Life Free Or Die.	9	20.00%
I'm already in prison.	0	0%
I would need to interview Mr. Higginbotham first to learn more about him.	0	0%
Voters: 45. You may not vote on this poll

06-11-2015, 08:16 AM
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-692449 VARSITY	Hypothetical: Serving as a Prison Proxy In the Civil War, a rich person who was drafted into the Army could pay someone else to serve for him as a "substitute". One would think that this was a popular program among wealthy people. In a hypothetical situation, assume that a scandal occurs in Congress of epic proportions. It appears that 52 Senators are about to go to prison for selling their votes to fund a new program to build a hypersonic stagecoach. In a late-night voting session, the Senate and House approve a bill that allows people to pay someone else to serve time for them in prison. The final Senate vote was 52 to 48 to approve it. You are approached by a wealthy business owner from your state by the name of Hiram Higginbotham. Mr. Higginbotham is willing to pay you to serve a one-year prison term that he got due to inciting a brawl in a wine and cheese bar. You don't know the exact prison you'd be going to, but you can generally assume that it is a state prison with the following attributes: 1. You'll share a cell with one random prisoner. 2. 10 percent of prisoners are violent criminals, 10 percent are gang members, and 80 percent are nonviolent. 3. You'll be in your cell for 14 hours a day, working for 6, in a big group room for another 2, then 1 hour for meals and 1 hour outside. 4. You will have "wake up" and "lights out" at specified times. 5. Your work will likely involve cleaning stuff, working in the prison laundry, working in the prison cafeteria, or work of a similar nature. You'll earn roughly 28 cents an hour that will go into your prison commissary account. 6. You can be visited by your immediate family (spouse, kids, parents, etc.) and by an attorney or other advocate. 7. The cost of your room and board is, of course, provided by the state. You will be allowed to tell anyone you wish - inside or outside prison - that you are there as a "substitute" and it will not appear on your criminal record. Assume that society views serving as a "substitute" to be a relatively low-class activity, but recognizes that it's not like being a felon or anything. What's the lowest amount that you would take to serve Mr. Higginbotham's sentence?
Posts: 145,525

06-11-2015, 04:39 PM	#32
cosmo20002 Debunking your bullshit Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: KC area Casino cash: $3630890	Is there potential for a lot of rape? Because if so, it might not be so bad. /livesteam
Posts: 52,592

06-11-2015, 04:44 PM	#33
Kman34 My Mamma Says Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Glass Cage Of Emotion Casino cash: $-1948214 VARSITY	The money would have to be up front for me to do it...2 Million, 1 Million before I go in for my family then 1 mill when I get out...
Posts: 15,147

06-11-2015, 04:52 PM	#36
DJ's left nut Sauntering Vaguely Downwards Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Columbia, Mo Casino cash: $-860901	What would prevent me from sub-contracting? Why couldn't I take this fellow's $500K and then pay $50K to a homeless loon to stand in on my behalf? This is America; economic efficiency rules the day. If there are by-laws prevent the sale of a sale of a prison sentence, then it would depend on my continued job status. As a partner, it would be difficult but not impossible to excise my ass. If that were the case, this could go penny wise and pound foolish in a hurry. If I'm guaranteed renewed employment at my present position/salary, I'd do it for $500K. It would give me more than enough for a large payment on any home I'd ever want to buy and my renewed income stream upon exit would supplement it nicely. If I'm getting fired, however, it's gonna take more than $2 million. I don't want to start over this saturated damn job market. I know what we can get the newbies for these days...not interested in that slog. I'd need 'invest, retire and live off the interest' money. $3 million gets me enough to pretty well lock in about $100K/yr and enough buffer to ride out a market crash if I'm diversified. That works for me. __________________ "If there's a god, he's laughing at us.....and our football team..." "When you look at something through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags."
Posts: 66,857

06-12-2015, 10:12 AM	#39
mikeyis4dcats. Scarlett Johansson's boytoy Join Date: Nov 2006 Casino cash: $9555998	I'd do it for $500k. Because I'm confident I'd be realeasy after about 90 days. __________________
Posts: 12,526

06-12-2015, 12:03 PM	#41
TLO Life is changing.. Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: NW Missouri Casino cash: $-2600000	I'll do it for $5,743,654.01 and not a penny less.
Posts: 43,119

06-12-2015, 12:05 PM	#42
TLO Life is changing.. Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: NW Missouri Casino cash: $-2600000	Are there weights provided during the outside time?
Posts: 43,119

06-12-2015, 03:14 PM	#45
BucEyedPea Here comes Peter Cottontail! Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: None of your business Casino cash: $-300037	The gym is another perk. Nice. I like it. When does the real offer materialize Rain Main. You doing this survey/poll for a client? __________________ Hello, Bearcat. Two Questions: Are you Malcor? Because call-out threads don't get moved to the Romper Room, but asking who Malcor is, as in being mult was moved there. Only a mod can do that. Why is DC getting over-moderated these days?
Posts: 168,500