Who wins in a fight? Round #1 - Featuring Titty Meat and Hammock Parties

[TLO]

We're in the dog days of April here in the off-season, so we're going to have to find ways to entertain ourselves for a while.

The members of www.chiefsplanet.com started a fight club! All fights will take place at the George Brett Statue inside a steel cage. There is no escape from the cage. The only way to win is to incapacitate your opponent. Jim Ross and Jerry the King Lawler will call each fight.

Any type of advantage can/will be given to whoever I feel like. The rules are made up and the points don't matter.

Now let's get ready to rumble!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hammock - has a pair of helicopter ride tickets in his pocket. He also has a small container of pawn shop grade mace.

Titty - Has the dildo that was thrown at Tom Brady in Buffalo in his back pocket. Also has a pocket full of sand.

Who wins?

[T-post Tom]

What’s all this fighting about? Did someone threw a rock at someone’s car?

[Fish]

[Vladimir_Kyrilytch]

I voted Titty Meat cause I've seen him challenge a bunch of posters to meetings at the George Brett statue since I've been posting here. He's probably tops on the leaderboard of statue challenges. For this reason I'd probably vote Titty over most anyone else here too, except for Lew Dog. I've heard Lew is a barrel-chested 6'8 dude.

[Bowser]

Originally Posted by Fish

[PunkinDrublic]

I’ll tell you who wins, fans of body positivity.

[TLO]

Titty Meat is the winner!!

[Jewish Rabbi]

Originally Posted by George Brett Statue

Titty Meat is the winner!!

Me and Vlad next

[Titty Meat]

Originally Posted by Vladimir_Kyrilytch

I voted Titty Meat cause I've seen him challenge a bunch of posters to meetings at the George Brett statue since I've been posting here. He's probably tops on the leaderboard of statue challenges. For this reason I'd probably vote Titty over most anyone else here too, except for Lew Dog. I've heard Lew is a barrel-chested 6'8 dude.

Ya nobody wants to show up because they know I'm taking something either their ass virginity or money

[Jewish Rabbi]

Originally Posted by Titty Meat

Ya nobody wants to show up because they know I'm taking something either their ass virginity or money

Jokes on you clay doesn’t have either one of those things

[ThyKingdomCome15]

Git'em Clay!

[Rasputin]

It would be a tie. Both would have the dildo stuck inside their anus.

[Raiderhater]

[Pablo]

I bet titty has been in at least 8x the amount of actual physical altercations as clay. He grew up as a ginger and turned into a pansexual bartender, there's no better route to try.

Also gonna say bill growing up in Midtown KC was a bit spicier than the mean streets of Great Britain. Get robbed with a ****ing butter knife soft type of people. They'd be scared to hold such a dangerous weapon like mace.

[Hammock Parties]

Originally Posted by Pablo

I bet titty has been in at least 8x the amount of actual physical altercations as clay. He grew up as a ginger and turned into a pansexual bartender, there's no better route to try.

Also gonna say bill growing up in Midtown KC was a bit spicier than the mean streets of Great Britain. Get robbed with a ****ing butter knife soft type of people. They'd be scared to hold such a dangerous weapon like mace.

I'll have you know I was assaulted by a doberman in my youth across the pond. This was only my first altercation, of many. The dog died.

Later some passing ruffians mugged me and tried to steal a family pet. While we escaped, due to my elite athletic ability, my animal was forever scarred. He wore a cardboard prothesis for the rest of his life. This trauma caused me to turn to a life of crime as a petty thief. No local establishment was safe.

These incidents would have broken anyone else, but moving to America and experiencing culture shock turned me into a man at a young age. And it was manlike strength that saved the day, when three boys at my school accosted me in a bathroom and violently attempted to drown me in the nearest lavatory. Only my beastly forearms, braced against the walls of a restroom stall, prevented certain death.

So shocked were these youths by my show of superiority, that they never bothered me again. After that, my rivals learned the only way to attack me was to fight me with their wits. Eventually a conspiracy took place to involve adults, which is how the front page of the 1995 Dallas Morning News ended up on my desk in first period math the day after Bono blew the ****ing game at Texas Stadium.

This lit a fire inside me, that no one would ever be able to break me mentally. I trained my mind to troll the shit out of anyone that dared to challenge me. Eventually this led to me committing vehicular theft. Of course, no one caught me. I was a seasoned pro.

As a hardened criminal mastermind, I eventually expanded my deceit to fool the adults who had so willingly been drawn into the vast conspiracy to destroy me. Truancy typically resulted in detention, but with my reputation as a well-behaved student, it was easy to cut class whenever I felt like it. I had better things to do, like steal movies.

No one could break me. Not ever. And so it was that I found my way here. Where the administrator of this place, knowing attempts in real life were futile, attempted to kill me digitally, over...and over...and over. But each time, like a Phoenix, I rose from the ashes, until now, my digital avatar is literally A GOD.

I have transcended to a higher plane of existence. While the consensus here indicates I am vulnerable, my very LIFE has been spent wallowing in the pit of vulnerability and climbing out of it over and over.

I have perfected my art, and come full circle, where half a dozen people get so ****ing tired of my shit they threaten to kick my ass every year.

But no one ever has.

And now, this poll. THIS POLL! I am getting my ass kicked in this poll. But the worst thing a man can do is underestimate me. And while I am billay's facebook friend, that proximity has allowed me to understand his strengths and weaknesses.

I know how his head works. The positions he can get into. His level of stamina. There will be no surprise, because I know exactly when he will be coming.

Billay sees the poll. He becomes confident. He comes at me HARD.

And then...and only then...is when he will suddenly realize my advantage.

I WANT HIM TO COME HARD.

So I'll ask our friend Billay here one question...do you feel lucky?

[Jewish Rabbi]

Originally Posted by Hammock Parties

I'll have you know I was assaulted by a doberman in my youth across the pond. This was only my first altercation, of many. The dog died.

Later some passing ruffians mugged me and tried to steal a family pet. While we escaped, due to my elite athletic ability, my animal was forever scarred. He wore a cardboard prothesis for the rest of his life. This trauma caused me to turn to a life of crime as a petty thief. No local establishment was safe.

These incidents would have broken anyone else, but moving to America and experiencing culture shock turned me into a man at a young age. And it was manlike strength that saved the day, when three boys at my school accosted me in a bathroom and violently attempted to drown me in the nearest lavatory. Only my beastly forearms, braced against the walls of a restroom stall, prevented certain death.

So shocked were these youths by my show of superiority, that they never bothered me again. After that, my rivals learned the only way to attack me was to fight me with their wits. Eventually a conspiracy took place to involve adults, which is how the front page of the 1995 Dallas Morning News ended up on my desk in first period math the day after Bono blew the ****ing game at Texas Stadium.

This lit a fire inside me, that no one would ever be able to break me mentally. I trained my mind to troll the shit out of anyone that dared to challenge me. Eventually this led to me committing vehicular theft. Of course, no one caught me. I was a seasoned pro.

As a hardened criminal mastermind, I eventually expanded my deceit to fool the adults who had so willingly been drawn into the vast conspiracy to destroy me. Truancy typically resulted in detention, but with my reputation as a well-behaved student, it was easy to cut class whenever I felt like it. I had better things to do, like steal movies.

No one could break me. Not ever. And so it was that I found my way here. Where the administrator of this place, knowing attempts in real life were futile, attempted to kill me digitally, over...and over...and over. But each time, like a Phoenix, I rose from the ashes, until now, my digital avatar is literally A GOD.

I have transcended to a higher plane of existence. While the consensus here indicates I am vulnerable, my very LIFE has been spent wallowing in the pit of vulnerability and climbing out of it over and over.

I have perfected my art, and come full circle, where half a dozen people get so ****ing tired of my shit they threaten to kick my ass every year.

But no one ever has.

And now, this poll. THIS POLL! I am getting my ass kicked in this poll. But the worst thing a man can do is underestimate me. And while I am billay's facebook friend, that proximity has allowed me to understand his strengths and weaknesses.

I know how his head works. The positions he can get into. His level of stamina. There will be no surprise, because I know exactly when he will be coming.

Billay sees the poll. He becomes confident. He comes at me HARD.

And then...and only then...is when he will suddenly realize my advantage.

I WANT HIM TO COME HARD.

So I'll ask our friend Billay here one question...do you feel lucky?

Yeah no way I’m reading all of that but not surprised as I scroll down that I WANT HIM TO COME HARD is at the end