Marriage problems: First one to mention Anti-freeze wins

[Huffman83]

So....the wife is taking her 15 minute breather from a big fight in reference to finances. For the past 3 years, I've been the "bread winner." as in I pay the bills, buy dinner, entertainment...etc.

She has a lot of student loan dept that I was already aware of. However, some things I was not aware of initially was how much credit card debt she had due to her charging random shit to her credit card while she was a student.

Therefore I'm lucky to get $250 bucks a month from her in order to pay bills.

Between mortgage, insurance, utilities, entertainment, (cable,internet etc.) cell/phone bills. 58% of my earnings goes towards house bills. Not to mention food, gas and my own personal debt.

The wife gets a new job and is making more money. COOL!!!! Initially she states she'll be able to give me double of what she can. I'm still paying 45% of my monthly income. While she is only paying aprox 36 % of the bills. That's $500 bucks if you're still following.

I've been broke and barely able to make ends meet...and when the wife asks me to only give me $400 a month to help w/ bills and then we can start having kids in 2012. And I say no...that's bullshit, I'm at my wits end.

I'm still the asshole aren't I?

[Huffman83]

Originally Posted by Param

Ut oh, you're messing with nesting.

heh....was!

[Mr. Plow]

Originally Posted by Reerun_KC

WTF?

This is very strange?

We put all the money in one account, pay the bills and what ever is left we either save or do fun stuff with...

No shit. What is all this "she gives me money for bills" stuff? You're married. They aren't your bills....or her bills...they are both your bills.

[CoMoChief]

Something tells me that the more money the "money pot" has in it, the more she's going to play with it.....if you catch my drift.

[Just Passin' By]

Get her to cancel all her credit cards, take her check when it comes in, pay her bills for her, and give her an agreed upon amount from each check until the bills are all paid off.

if she gives you some nonsense about not being supportive of her, or about trust, or equality, point out that getting rid of her debt is going to put you into debt, and that she's not being supportive of you if she can't help you avoid that burden.

Frame the debate.

[BigRedChief]

Originally Posted by frazod

One of my best friends has a marriage like this, where he and his wife bicker and argue about who pays what percentage of what like they're college roommates. I don't get it.

My money is our money. My wife's money is our money. It goes in one big pot, and everything gets paid/saved/whatever out of it.

I can't see it working any other way. But for some it works to have seperate accounts.

[Pablo]

1) Take on life insurance policy on said wife.

2) Make sure she has an "accident" sometime this fall.

[Rain Man]

I don't get the separate finance thing, either. You're married and pledged to be with each other forever through thick and thin, in sleet and hail and dark of night, and you plan to raise children together, but you don't share your money? It doesn't make sense to me.

So if one of you loses your job, does that person starve? They can't get food stamps if the other one is working. And would you evict the other person if they can't pay rent?

[DeezNutz]

Originally Posted by Just Passin' By

Get her to cancel all her credit cards, take her check when it comes in, pay her bills for her, and give her an agreed upon amount from each check until the bills are all paid off.

if she gives you some nonsense about not being supportive of her, or about trust, or equality, point out that getting rid of her debt is going to put you into debt, and that she's not being supportive of you if she can't help you avoid that burden.

Frame the debate.

.

[rwalke10]

That's the way we do it. Dump the majority in a joint acct, and then each of us have our personal accounts we do what we please with. Makes it easy during xmas, b'days, anniversaries, etc., so you can buy something without it showing up and tipping the other one off its coming.

In today's age, with all the BS ya gotta go thru to make a living, knowing you have at least a little 'mad money' for totally discretionary spending makes the week go by a bit better.

But, I agree with others, you should know exactly how much she's out there. That affects not only your liability, but your ability to plan for things like cars, furniture, nice vacations, etc. Not to mention if she should be off work for a few months and her liabilities get dumped into your lap...

[boogblaster]

joint acc.. beer money every weekend .. no kids till 2016 .. new boat with truck to pull it .. blow-job every friday nite after you get home from a nite with the boys ....

[SenselessChiefsFan]

Originally Posted by Huffman83

So....the wife is taking her 15 minute breather from a big fight in reference to finances. For the past 3 years, I've been the "bread winner." as in I pay the bills, buy dinner, entertainment...etc.

She has a lot of student loan dept that I was already aware of. However, some things I was not aware of initially was how much credit card debt she had due to her charging random shit to her credit card while she was a student.

Therefore I'm lucky to get $250 bucks a month from her in order to pay bills.

Between mortgage, insurance, utilities, entertainment, (cable,internet etc.) cell/phone bills. 58% of my earnings goes towards house bills. Not to mention food, gas and my own personal debt.

The wife gets a new job and is making more money. COOL!!!! Initially she states she'll be able to give me double of what she can. I'm still paying 45% of my monthly income. While she is only paying aprox 36 % of the bills. That's $500 bucks if you're still following.

I've been broke and barely able to make ends meet...and when the wife asks me to only give me $400 a month to help w/ bills and then we can start having kids in 2012. And I say no...that's bullshit, I'm at my wits end.

I'm still the asshole aren't I?

I have been the breadwinner since we got married. At one point, we had separate accounts. It was stupid.

We have been through a ton together. And, although it is tough sometimes, we put our money in the same checking account, and write out a budget each month. We each get the same amount of spending money, and we pay cash for everything. If we can't pay cash, we don't buy it.

We get along better than we ever have. Before, when I tried to 'reel in' her spending, I was a controlling jerk.

Now, we make those decisions together and set goals. And, we know that foregoing an extra pair of shoes now, will pay off in the long run.

Separate accounts just lead to fights and each of you being possessive over what you earn. The fact is you are married, and it is all half hers anyways.

[joesomebody]

Originally Posted by noswad

Best thing hubby and I ever did was separate checkbooks (we are both on both) and split up the bills according to our take home leaving us both with extra money.

If we mess up our piece of the bills, we only have ourselves to kick...

It has totally eliminated any fights about money and neither one feels that they have to be in "control of the checkbook"

We still work together, but we both have responsibilities. For example, He pays the car payment and insurance...I pay the mortgage

I'm not married, and don't plan on it any time soon, but this is how I would imagine my married life being. I'm far too much of a control freak when it comes to money to allow someone else dipping into my checking account.

I like the idea of a joint account for bills, and then separate accounts for everything else. Or like you said, each party being solely responsible for certain bills.

[DonTellMeShowMe]

my 2 cents and in relation to an old law: keep it separate, but equal

[BWillie]

Originally Posted by frazod

One of my best friends has a marriage like this, where he and his wife bicker and argue about who pays what percentage of what like they're college roommates. I don't get it.

My money is our money. My wife's money is our money. It goes in one big pot, and everything gets paid/saved/whatever out of it.

Jesus Christ that would suck. Reason #9274 I cannot get married. When you are a Texas, you don't really want to share w/ Baylor. Now, if you are Michigan, then sharing with Ohio State or Penn State isn't a big deal.

[bevischief]

Originally Posted by noswad

Best thing hubby and I ever did was separate checkbooks (we are both on both) and split up the bills according to our take home leaving us both with extra money.

If we mess up our piece of the bills, we only have ourselves to kick...

It has totally eliminated any fights about money and neither one feels that they have to be in "control of the checkbook"

We still work together, but we both have responsibilities. For example, He pays the car payment and insurance...I pay the mortgage

We do the same. The only thing that is joint is a savings account.
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