Poll: Love languages

[Chiefshrink]

One of my favorite authors to read about relationships is Dr. Gary Chapman who who has been a psychologist for over 40yrs and after many years of therapy and observance of married couples and couples just dating who were not married he came up with his "5 Love Languages" of people. I'm sure some of you have read this book. He say's we all have an 'emotional tank' and like to be filled up in a positive way.

The challenge is that we all liked to be filled up in different ways and it is important that we not only know our own dominant love language but even just as important is to know what our significant other's dominant love language is so that you are communicating to each other on a deeper intimate level and show each other(in their language) that you truly "get each other" and how each of you is truly wired. I can't tell you how many couples I've seen that thought they knew each other and really did not.

Now with all this being said, this is just not for marriage and dating only this works in all aspects of life, work,friends, etc.....

When you read through each of the love languages several of them will stand out for you but one will dominate. Read below a brief description of each of these and see which of these love languages is what emotionally motivates your heart.

Understanding the Five Love Languages
By Gary Chapman

My conclusion after many years of marriage counseling is that there are five emotional love languages — five ways that people speak and understand emotional love.

1.Words of affirmation

One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build up. Solomon, author of ancient Hebrew Wisdom Literature, wrote, "The tongue has the power of life and death" (Proverbs 18:21, NIV). Many couples have never learned the tremendous power of verbally affirming each other.

Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation, such as:

"You look sharp in that suit."

"Do you ever look incredible in that dress! Wow!"

"I really like how you're always on time to pick me up at work."

"You can always make me laugh."

Words of affirmation are one of the five basic love languages. Within that language, however, there are many dialects. All of the dialects have in common the use of words to affirm one's spouse. Psychologist William James said that possibly the deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated. Words of affirmation will meet that need in many individuals.

2.Quality time

By "quality time," I mean giving someone your undivided attention. I don't mean sitting on the couch watching television together. When you spend time that way, Netflix or HBO has your attention — not your spouse. What I mean is sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking, devices put away, giving each other your undivided attention. It means taking a walk, just the two of you, or going out to eat and looking at each other and talking.

Time is a precious commodity. We all have multiple demands on our time, yet each of us has the exact same hours in a day. We can make the most of those hours by committing some of them to our spouse. If your mate's primary love language is quality time, she simply wants you, being with her, spending time.


3.Receiving gifts

Almost everything ever written on the subject of love indicates that at the heart of love is the spirit of giving. All five love languages challenge us to give to our spouse, but for some, receiving gifts, visible symbols of love, speaks the loudest.

A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, "Look, he was thinking of me," or, "She remembered me." You must be thinking of someone to give him or her a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought. It doesn't matter whether it costs money. What is important is that you thought of him or her. And it is not the thought implanted only in the mind that counts but the thought expressed in actually securing the gift and giving it as the expression of love.

But what of the person who says, "I'm not a gift giver. I didn't receive many gifts growing up. I never learned how to select gifts. It doesn't come naturally for me." Congratulations, you have just made the first discovery in becoming a great lover. You and your spouse speak different love languages. Now that you have made that discovery, get on with the business of learning your second language. If your spouse's primary love language is receiving gifts, you can become a proficient gift giver. In fact, it is one of the easiest love languages to learn.

4.Acts of service

Michelle's primary love language was what I call "acts of service." By acts of service, I mean doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. You seek to please her by serving her, to express your love for her by doing things for her.

Consider actions such as cooking a meal, setting a table, emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming, changing the baby's diaper, picking up a prescription, keeping the car in operating condition — they are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love.

A willingness to examine and change stereotypes is necessary in order to express love more effectively. Remember, there are no rewards for maintaining stereotypes, but there are tremendous benefits to meeting the emotional needs of your spouse. If your spouse's love language is acts of service, then "actions speak louder than words."

5.Physical touch

We have long known that physical touch is a way of communicating emotional love. Numerous research projects in the area of child development have made that conclusion: Babies who are held, stroked and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact.

Physical touch is also a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love. Holding hands, kissing, embracing and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one's spouse. For some individuals, physical touch is their primary love language. Without it, they feel unloved. With it, their emotional tank is filled, and they feel secure in the love of their spouse.

Implicit love touches require little time but much thought, especially if physical touch is not your primary love language and if you did not grow up in a "touching family." Sitting close to each other as you watch your favorite television program requires no additional time but may communicate your love loudly. Touching your spouse as you walk through the room where he is sitting takes only a moment. Touching each other when you leave the house and again when you return may involve only a brief kiss or hug but will speak volumes to your spouse.

Once you discover that physical touch is the primary love language of your spouse, you are limited only by your imagination on ways to express love.

Dr. Gary Chapman is a family counselor, radio host, associate pastor and author of several books, including The Five Love Languages and One More Try.

Which love language dominates your heart ?

Which love language do you struggle with the most in relationships with others ?

[listopencil]

2,4,1,5,3

[Chiefshrink]

Originally Posted by milkman

I'd like to reaffirm that you are a dipshit, Lucy.

I'd like to reaffirm your mom left you for long periods of time with very little holding/kissing as an infant

[BucEyedPea]

Trust, affirmation and security—not all listed. Of course all of those matter but personally I am not into getting lots of gifts. Makes me feel bought. A few for special dates but that's about it.

[listopencil]

Originally Posted by DaFace

You can't. Congrats on spamming the Lounge.

Meh. This is the lowest point in the off season. Not a damn thing going on.

[Chiefshrink]

1,4,2,5,3

[Sorter]

Was excited when I thought this would be about Spanish, Portuguese, French or Italian.

Now I have no idea what the **** I wasted 3 minutes of my life reading.

[stevieray]

Originally Posted by Sorter

Was excited when I thought this would be about Spanish, Portuguese, French or Italian.

Now I have no idea what the **** I wasted 3 minutes of my life reading.

#2

[Chiefshrink]

Originally Posted by stevieray

#2

[Sorter]

Originally Posted by stevieray

#2

Quality time is how I express my love?


I'm going to be honest with you, *puts on best Larry David shrug and wince* I disagree.

[Chiefshrink]

Originally Posted by Sorter

Was excited when I thought this would be about Spanish, Portuguese, French or Italian.

Now I have no idea what the **** I wasted 3 minutes of my life reading.

What turns your heart crank the most when others relate to you? And how you can relate better with others when you recognize what turns their heart crank the most.

I'll assume since you didn't understand anything you read that 'life is all about you' to this point in your life.

[Chiefshrink]

Originally Posted by Sorter

Quality time is how I express my love?


I'm going to be honest with you, *puts on best Larry David shrug and wince* I disagree.

stevie made a funny since you stated that you wasted 3 minutes of your time.

When someone says that "quality time' is their love language that means if you want to tug on their heart strings in the most effective way or reach in the deepest part of their heart(what moves them emotionally the most) spend quality time with them doing whatever they want to do whether it be gardening, walking,conversation,coffee, fishing, whatever the activity. And it's not about the activity so much as it is the time spent specifically with them that makes them feel special. So read them all again and decide which one stands out for you.

[stevieray]

Originally Posted by Sorter

Quality time is how I express my love?


I'm going to be honest with you, *puts on best Larry David shrug and wince* I disagree.

It was a joke based off of wasting time.

*does his best James Dean*

[Sorter]

Originally Posted by stevieray

It was a joke based off of wasting time.

*does his best James Dean*

[Sorter]

Originally Posted by Chiefshrink

stevie made a funny since you stated that you wasted 3 minutes of your time.

When someone says that "quality time' is their love language that means if you want to tug on their heart strings in the most effective way or reach in the deepest part of their heart(what moves them emotionally the most) spend quality time with them doing whatever they want to do whether it be gardening, walking,conversation,coffee, fishing, whatever the activity. And it's not about the activity so much as it is the time spent specifically with them that makes them feel special. So read them all again and decide which one stands out for you.

My special human being upon whose heartstrings I tug is on vacation whilst I work.


That's why I am spending some of my "quality time" with you fine fellows this week.

[Sorter]

Originally Posted by Chiefshrink

What turns your heart crank the most when others relate to you?

Personal sacrifice?

And how you can relate better with others when you recognize what turns their heart crank the most.

Figuring out how best to utilize what turns their "heart crank" sounds a great deal better.

I'll assume since you didn't understand anything you read that 'life is all about you' to this point in your life.

Maybe.

Maybe I've thought that life is about everyone but me.