Misc Poll: Love languages

Chiefshrink · 06-20-2016, 09:44 PM

One of my favorite authors to read about relationships is Dr. Gary Chapman who who has been a psychologist for over 40yrs and after many years of therapy and observance of married couples and couples just dating who were not married he came up with his "5 Love Languages" of people. I'm sure some of you have read this book. He say's we all have an 'emotional tank' and like to be filled up in a positive way.

The challenge is that we all liked to be filled up in different ways and it is important that we not only know our own dominant love language but even just as important is to know what our significant other's dominant love language is so that you are communicating to each other on a deeper intimate level and show each other(in their language) that you truly "get each other" and how each of you is truly wired. I can't tell you how many couples I've seen that thought they knew each other and really did not.

Now with all this being said, this is just not for marriage and dating only this works in all aspects of life, work,friends, etc.....

When you read through each of the love languages several of them will stand out for you but one will dominate. Read below a brief description of each of these and see which of these love languages is what emotionally motivates your heart.

Understanding the Five Love Languages
By Gary Chapman

My conclusion after many years of marriage counseling is that there are five emotional love languages — five ways that people speak and understand emotional love.

1.Words of affirmation

One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build up. Solomon, author of ancient Hebrew Wisdom Literature, wrote, "The tongue has the power of life and death" (Proverbs 18:21, NIV). Many couples have never learned the tremendous power of verbally affirming each other.

Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation, such as:

"You look sharp in that suit."

"Do you ever look incredible in that dress! Wow!"

"I really like how you're always on time to pick me up at work."

"You can always make me laugh."

Words of affirmation are one of the five basic love languages. Within that language, however, there are many dialects. All of the dialects have in common the use of words to affirm one's spouse. Psychologist William James said that possibly the deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated. Words of affirmation will meet that need in many individuals.

2.Quality time

By "quality time," I mean giving someone your undivided attention. I don't mean sitting on the couch watching television together. When you spend time that way, Netflix or HBO has your attention — not your spouse. What I mean is sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking, devices put away, giving each other your undivided attention. It means taking a walk, just the two of you, or going out to eat and looking at each other and talking.

Time is a precious commodity. We all have multiple demands on our time, yet each of us has the exact same hours in a day. We can make the most of those hours by committing some of them to our spouse. If your mate's primary love language is quality time, she simply wants you, being with her, spending time.

3.Receiving gifts

Almost everything ever written on the subject of love indicates that at the heart of love is the spirit of giving. All five love languages challenge us to give to our spouse, but for some, receiving gifts, visible symbols of love, speaks the loudest.

A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, "Look, he was thinking of me," or, "She remembered me." You must be thinking of someone to give him or her a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought. It doesn't matter whether it costs money. What is important is that you thought of him or her. And it is not the thought implanted only in the mind that counts but the thought expressed in actually securing the gift and giving it as the expression of love.

But what of the person who says, "I'm not a gift giver. I didn't receive many gifts growing up. I never learned how to select gifts. It doesn't come naturally for me." Congratulations, you have just made the first discovery in becoming a great lover. You and your spouse speak different love languages. Now that you have made that discovery, get on with the business of learning your second language. If your spouse's primary love language is receiving gifts, you can become a proficient gift giver. In fact, it is one of the easiest love languages to learn.

4.Acts of service

Michelle's primary love language was what I call "acts of service." By acts of service, I mean doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. You seek to please her by serving her, to express your love for her by doing things for her.

Consider actions such as cooking a meal, setting a table, emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming, changing the baby's diaper, picking up a prescription, keeping the car in operating condition — they are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love.

A willingness to examine and change stereotypes is necessary in order to express love more effectively. Remember, there are no rewards for maintaining stereotypes, but there are tremendous benefits to meeting the emotional needs of your spouse. If your spouse's love language is acts of service, then "actions speak louder than words."

5.Physical touch

We have long known that physical touch is a way of communicating emotional love. Numerous research projects in the area of child development have made that conclusion: Babies who are held, stroked and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact.

Physical touch is also a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love. Holding hands, kissing, embracing and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one's spouse. For some individuals, physical touch is their primary love language. Without it, they feel unloved. With it, their emotional tank is filled, and they feel secure in the love of their spouse.

Implicit love touches require little time but much thought, especially if physical touch is not your primary love language and if you did not grow up in a "touching family." Sitting close to each other as you watch your favorite television program requires no additional time but may communicate your love loudly. Touching your spouse as you walk through the room where he is sitting takes only a moment. Touching each other when you leave the house and again when you return may involve only a brief kiss or hug but will speak volumes to your spouse.

Once you discover that physical touch is the primary love language of your spouse, you are limited only by your imagination on ways to express love.

Dr. Gary Chapman is a family counselor, radio host, associate pastor and author of several books, including The Five Love Languages and One More Try.

Which love language dominates your heart ?

Which love language do you struggle with the most in relationships with others ?

ClevelandBronco · 06-20-2016, 09:45 PM

Dude.

Chiefshrink · 06-20-2016, 09:48 PM

Will a mod please post this thread in Big Chief Dave's place please. I made a mistake and accidentally posted it here in DC. Obviously this isn't a political thread. Thx guys !!

Chiefshrink · 06-20-2016, 09:57 PM

Which love language are you ?

KChiefs1 · 06-20-2016, 10:04 PM

Words of Affirmation & Physical Touch.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Chiefshrink · 06-20-2016, 10:05 PM

I'll go first. Quality Time is a struggle for me because I am very selfish in nature with my time and of course my wife's No.1 love language is "quality time"

God does have a sense of humor for sure.

Don Corlemahomes · 06-20-2016, 10:05 PM

Raunchy anal sex

EPodolak · 06-20-2016, 10:06 PM

The guy that wrote the book these are based on visited my workplace. Applies the theory to include languages of appreciation for effectively recognizing employee performance. Pretty useful.

**pr_capone** · 06-20-2016, 10:06 PM

Definitely words of affirmation followed by physical touch.

Words of Affirmation: "Damn baby you look good in that dress... come here and **** me"

Physical Touch: We ****

**Gonzo** · 06-20-2016, 10:06 PM

Tongue-punching the ol' fart box.

Chiefshrink · 06-20-2016, 10:08 PM

I apologize ahead of time for not being CP bulletin board savvy enough to make these polls all one thread. If a mod can do it please make it one. Much appreciated.

**Gonzo** · 06-20-2016, 10:09 PM

Actually, I prefer acts of quality affirmation that receive physical gifts in return.

**Rain Man** · 06-20-2016, 10:10 PM

This pretty much convinces me that I'm not a people person.

Chiefshrink · 06-20-2016, 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EPodolak

The guy that wrote the book these are based on visited my workplace. Applies the theory to include languages of appreciation for effectively recognizing employee performance. Pretty useful.

A huge help for sure for managers in motivation for their employees.

eDave · 06-20-2016, 10:12 PM

1) Quality time - We both like our space so giving it is tough sometimes.
1.1) Receiving gifts - If this means ME receiving gifts. That makes me uncomfortable. But she receives lots of gifts.

View Poll Results: Which love language dominates your heart ?
Affirmation	6	30.00%
Acts of Service	3	15.00%
Quality Time	3	15.00%
Receiving Gifts	1	5.00%
Physical Touch	7	35.00%
Voters: 20. You may not vote on this poll

06-20-2016, 09:44 PM
Chiefshrink Replaced by a future HOFer !! Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: donkey land Casino cash: $6487901	Which one is your love language ? One of my favorite authors to read about relationships is Dr. Gary Chapman who who has been a psychologist for over 40yrs and after many years of therapy and observance of married couples and couples just dating who were not married he came up with his "5 Love Languages" of people. I'm sure some of you have read this book. He say's we all have an 'emotional tank' and like to be filled up in a positive way. The challenge is that we all liked to be filled up in different ways and it is important that we not only know our own dominant love language but even just as important is to know what our significant other's dominant love language is so that you are communicating to each other on a deeper intimate level and show each other(in their language) that you truly "get each other" and how each of you is truly wired. I can't tell you how many couples I've seen that thought they knew each other and really did not. Now with all this being said, this is just not for marriage and dating only this works in all aspects of life, work,friends, etc..... When you read through each of the love languages several of them will stand out for you but one will dominate. Read below a brief description of each of these and see which of these love languages is what emotionally motivates your heart. Understanding the Five Love Languages By Gary Chapman My conclusion after many years of marriage counseling is that there are five emotional love languages — five ways that people speak and understand emotional love. 1.Words of affirmation One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build up. Solomon, author of ancient Hebrew Wisdom Literature, wrote, "The tongue has the power of life and death" (Proverbs 18:21, NIV). Many couples have never learned the tremendous power of verbally affirming each other. Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation, such as: "You look sharp in that suit." "Do you ever look incredible in that dress! Wow!" "I really like how you're always on time to pick me up at work." "You can always make me laugh." Words of affirmation are one of the five basic love languages. Within that language, however, there are many dialects. All of the dialects have in common the use of words to affirm one's spouse. Psychologist William James said that possibly the deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated. Words of affirmation will meet that need in many individuals. 2.Quality time By "quality time," I mean giving someone your undivided attention. I don't mean sitting on the couch watching television together. When you spend time that way, Netflix or HBO has your attention — not your spouse. What I mean is sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking, devices put away, giving each other your undivided attention. It means taking a walk, just the two of you, or going out to eat and looking at each other and talking. Time is a precious commodity. We all have multiple demands on our time, yet each of us has the exact same hours in a day. We can make the most of those hours by committing some of them to our spouse. If your mate's primary love language is quality time, she simply wants you, being with her, spending time. 3.Receiving gifts Almost everything ever written on the subject of love indicates that at the heart of love is the spirit of giving. All five love languages challenge us to give to our spouse, but for some, receiving gifts, visible symbols of love, speaks the loudest. A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, "Look, he was thinking of me," or, "She remembered me." You must be thinking of someone to give him or her a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought. It doesn't matter whether it costs money. What is important is that you thought of him or her. And it is not the thought implanted only in the mind that counts but the thought expressed in actually securing the gift and giving it as the expression of love. But what of the person who says, "I'm not a gift giver. I didn't receive many gifts growing up. I never learned how to select gifts. It doesn't come naturally for me." Congratulations, you have just made the first discovery in becoming a great lover. You and your spouse speak different love languages. Now that you have made that discovery, get on with the business of learning your second language. If your spouse's primary love language is receiving gifts, you can become a proficient gift giver. In fact, it is one of the easiest love languages to learn. 4.Acts of service Michelle's primary love language was what I call "acts of service." By acts of service, I mean doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. You seek to please her by serving her, to express your love for her by doing things for her. Consider actions such as cooking a meal, setting a table, emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming, changing the baby's diaper, picking up a prescription, keeping the car in operating condition — they are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love. A willingness to examine and change stereotypes is necessary in order to express love more effectively. Remember, there are no rewards for maintaining stereotypes, but there are tremendous benefits to meeting the emotional needs of your spouse. If your spouse's love language is acts of service, then "actions speak louder than words." 5.Physical touch We have long known that physical touch is a way of communicating emotional love. Numerous research projects in the area of child development have made that conclusion: Babies who are held, stroked and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact. Physical touch is also a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love. Holding hands, kissing, embracing and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one's spouse. For some individuals, physical touch is their primary love language. Without it, they feel unloved. With it, their emotional tank is filled, and they feel secure in the love of their spouse. Implicit love touches require little time but much thought, especially if physical touch is not your primary love language and if you did not grow up in a "touching family." Sitting close to each other as you watch your favorite television program requires no additional time but may communicate your love loudly. Touching your spouse as you walk through the room where he is sitting takes only a moment. Touching each other when you leave the house and again when you return may involve only a brief kiss or hug but will speak volumes to your spouse. Once you discover that physical touch is the primary love language of your spouse, you are limited only by your imagination on ways to express love. Dr. Gary Chapman is a family counselor, radio host, associate pastor and author of several books, including The Five Love Languages and One More Try. Which love language dominates your heart ? Which love language do you struggle with the most in relationships with others ?
Posts: 27,108

06-20-2016, 09:45 PM	#2
ClevelandBronco I'm with the banned. Join Date: Sep 2006 Casino cash: $5658955	Dude.
Posts: 28,113

06-20-2016, 10:04 PM	#5
KChiefs1 I’m a Mahomo! Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Mid-Missouri Casino cash: $6771021	Poll: Love languages Words of Affirmation & Physical Touch. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________
Posts: 54,038

06-20-2016, 10:05 PM	#7
Don Corlemahomes Veteran Join Date: May 2014 Casino cash: $10025348	Raunchy anal sex __________________ Damn, Chiefs
Posts: 4,554

06-20-2016, 10:06 PM	#8
EPodolak Spooky Action Join Date: Dec 2003 Casino cash: $-987442	The guy that wrote the book these are based on visited my workplace. Applies the theory to include languages of appreciation for effectively recognizing employee performance. Pretty useful.
Posts: 6,707

06-20-2016, 10:06 PM	#9
pr_capone THREEPEAT!!! Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: NWMO Casino cash: $9948214	Definitely words of affirmation followed by physical touch. Words of Affirmation: "Damn baby you look good in that dress... come here and ** me" Physical Touch: We **
Posts: 19,897

06-20-2016, 10:10 PM	#13
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-482449 VARSITY	This pretty much convinces me that I'm not a people person. __________________ Active fan of the greatest team in NFL history.
Posts: 145,278

06-20-2016, 10:12 PM	#15
eDave Banned Join Date: Jan 2013 Casino cash: $9998560	1) Quality time - We both like our space so giving it is tough sometimes. 1.1) Receiving gifts - If this means ME receiving gifts. That makes me uncomfortable. But she receives lots of gifts. Last edited by eDave; 06-21-2016 at 12:52 PM..
Posts: 53,803