The Herm Edwards Bible - Page 5

Direckshun · 07:14 PM

Here's a boom-or-bust, 400-post or 0-post thread for bored Chiefs fans.

I think we can all agree Herm Edwards is far more straightforward in his football philosophies than most coaches.

Well submit your axioms that you honestly believe that Herm Edwards follows when it comes to building a football team, and hark!, I shalt do mine best to incorporate them into a two- or three-book mini-Bible, written in the holiest of prose, and constantly adapting to incorporate your newly-added Commandments.

The axioms can relate to offense, defense, leadership, game strategies, team chemistry, public speaking, his own personal history ("and Dungy begat Edwards") -- whatever you can reasonably relate to Herm. The more the better, I would ideally like this to be a good-sized Good Book.

A couple serious axioms I can think up off the top of my head (I figure you folks won't have any trouble thinking up punchlines) would be like the following:

Thou shalt build thy teams through the Draft.
Thou shalt draft Best Player Available.
Thou shalt not get things twisted.

Then I'll take your suggestions later and try to write out The New Testament Of Herm or whatever. The following is what I've got so far for this gloriously makeshift Holy Word.

The Book of Herm

Chapter 1

1 In 1978, year of our Lord, the Ancient Giants found themselves ensconced in a comfortable lead in the waning seconds of a 17-12 victory over thine Golden Eagles upon the gridiron of the Meadowlands. 2 All that stood between themselves and victory was a 3rd-and-2 kneel-down to kill off the remaining seconds off the clock. 3 But in those crucial seconds that echo throughout the Heavens and the Earth, there would be no kneel-down. 5 Instead, a Miracle reared itself, as the Lord slipped the ball from the hands of Pisarcik, and from this Immaculate Separation doth borne Herman Edwards. 6 To be known among God’s children as “Herm,” he made good work of the Lord’s blessing, hauling the fumbled treasure 26-yards for a defensive touchdown and a 19-17 shocker. Prodigy was borne this day.

7 Truly infused in the mind of this man of football was a dedication to all that is righteous and outspoken. 8 Herm would grow into a head coach and spiritual learner of this most holiest of sports, enduring trials and tribulations in the strange lands of Tampa Bay and New York, before riding into Arrowhead, the Lord’s Promised Land, on the back of a 4th round pick.

9 His words would ring throughout the press, enlightening and befuddling a city that continued to worship the false idol Dick Vermeil. 10 He implored to his newfound flock that they misunderstood what a successful organization looked like. That they, in fact, knew not what they do.

11 And upon Arrowhead Drive he stood in a snappy sweater vest, and thus began Herman’s Sermon on the Mount. 12 A truer test of character the world had never known.

**007** · 06-22-2007, 04:43 PM

Only LJ shall perform a Hermgasm in public.

Direckshun · 06-22-2007, 07:18 PM

Alright.

The Book of Herm is in construction. I'm just going to tack it onto the OP.

Keep all suggestions coming. This is the world's first democratic Bible.

**luv** · 06-22-2007, 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Direckshun

Alright.

The Book of Herm is in construction. I'm just going to tack it onto the OP.

Keep all suggestions coming. This is the world's first democratic Bible.

You're very creative. You should do the compilation, print it, and send it to a publisher. The first ever Chiefsplanet Herm Edwards Bible.

**luv** · 06-22-2007, 07:22 PM

The CPV Herm Edwards Bible.

ChiefsPlanet Version.

KurtCobain · 06-22-2007, 07:29 PM

Don't forget the Johnson pounding Commandment, and you should make a wikipage for the herm bible.

FAX · 06-22-2007, 09:38 PM

And so it came to pass that Herm sayeth unto the veterans, Because thou hast eaten from the tree of experience, thou art cursed above all mortals, and upon thy belly shalt thou go unto free agency and in sorrow shalt thy incentive bonus be withheld. And unto the rookies he sayeth, Because thou hast hearkened unto my voice and partaken of my noobley stick, thou shalt be blessed and thy career shalt be exalted and thy locker be near the shower and thy shalt have unto thine own the private room on the road.

And thus did the veterans depart from Arrowhead and great was the wailing among fans and the media also was corrupt before Herm, and the executive offices were filled with violence and wickedness and every evil imagination.

FAX

Direckshun · 06-22-2007, 10:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FAX

And so it came to pass that Herm sayeth unto the veterans, Because thou hast eaten from the tree of experience, thou art cursed above all mortals, and upon thy belly shalt thou go unto free agency and in sorrow shalt thy incentive bonus be withheld. And unto the rookies he sayeth, Because thou hast hearkened unto my voice and partaken of my noobley stick, thou shalt be blessed and thy career shalt be exalted and thy locker be near the shower and thy shalt have unto thine own the private room on the road.

And thus did the veterans depart from Arrowhead and great was the wailing among fans and the media also was corrupt before Herm, and the executive offices were filled with violence and wickedness and every evil imagination.

You are showing me up, my friend. Brilliant work.

FAX · 06-22-2007, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Direckshun

You are showing me up, my friend. Brilliant work.

Just trying to help, Mr. Direckshun.

I am like unto a scribe.

FAX

**the Talking Can** · 06-23-2007, 01:01 AM

Hicks + DV = Sodom and Gamorrha (sp?)

Megbert · 09-10-2007, 05:18 PM

And Herm said unto the QB's "one must use the check down first and if that is covered one must back into the line of scrimmage for a sack".

beach tribe · 09-10-2007, 05:25 PM

Thou shalt be glorified by ones personality, and not by the carrying out of onests tasks.

Logical · 09-10-2007, 05:28 PM

And on the day nigh after the opener Herm said kicker Medlock ye shall be cast out to wander the wilderness, and lo unto the squad would come a Rayner to rescuse the heathens.

FAX · 09-10-2007, 05:32 PM

And if thy kicker offendeth thee, cut his ass.

FAX

siberian khatru · 09-10-2007, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr. Doom

And on the day nigh after the opener Herm said kicker Medlock ye shall be cast out to wander the wilderness, and lo unto the squad would come a Rayner to rescuse the heathens.

HonestChieffan · 09-10-2007, 05:43 PM

And then the sky was rent and out came the booteth leggeth. And silence filled the land.

06-22-2007, 12:47 PM
Direckshun __ Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Springpatch Casino cash: $2033447	The Herm Edwards Bible Here's a boom-or-bust, 400-post or 0-post thread for bored Chiefs fans. I think we can all agree Herm Edwards is far more straightforward in his football philosophies than most coaches. Well submit your axioms that you honestly believe that Herm Edwards follows when it comes to building a football team, and hark!, I shalt do mine best to incorporate them into a two- or three-book mini-Bible, written in the holiest of prose, and constantly adapting to incorporate your newly-added Commandments. The axioms can relate to offense, defense, leadership, game strategies, team chemistry, public speaking, his own personal history ("and Dungy begat Edwards") -- whatever you can reasonably relate to Herm. The more the better, I would ideally like this to be a good-sized Good Book. A couple serious axioms I can think up off the top of my head (I figure you folks won't have any trouble thinking up punchlines) would be like the following: Thou shalt build thy teams through the Draft. Thou shalt draft Best Player Available. Thou shalt not get things twisted. Then I'll take your suggestions later and try to write out The New Testament Of Herm or whatever. The following is what I've got so far for this gloriously makeshift Holy Word. The Book of Herm Chapter 1 1 In 1978, year of our Lord, the Ancient Giants found themselves ensconced in a comfortable lead in the waning seconds of a 17-12 victory over thine Golden Eagles upon the gridiron of the Meadowlands. 2 All that stood between themselves and victory was a 3rd-and-2 kneel-down to kill off the remaining seconds off the clock. 3 But in those crucial seconds that echo throughout the Heavens and the Earth, there would be no kneel-down. 5 Instead, a Miracle reared itself, as the Lord slipped the ball from the hands of Pisarcik, and from this Immaculate Separation doth borne Herman Edwards. 6 To be known among God’s children as “Herm,” he made good work of the Lord’s blessing, hauling the fumbled treasure 26-yards for a defensive touchdown and a 19-17 shocker. Prodigy was borne this day. 7 Truly infused in the mind of this man of football was a dedication to all that is righteous and outspoken. 8 Herm would grow into a head coach and spiritual learner of this most holiest of sports, enduring trials and tribulations in the strange lands of Tampa Bay and New York, before riding into Arrowhead, the Lord’s Promised Land, on the back of a 4th round pick. 9 His words would ring throughout the press, enlightening and befuddling a city that continued to worship the false idol Dick Vermeil. 10 He implored to his newfound flock that they misunderstood what a successful organization looked like. That they, in fact, knew not what they do. 11 And upon Arrowhead Drive he stood in a snappy sweater vest, and thus began Herman’s Sermon on the Mount. 12 A truer test of character the world had never known. Last edited by Direckshun; 06-22-2007 at 07:14 PM..
Posts: 59,693

06-22-2007, 04:43 PM	#61
007 Shaken. Not stirred. Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: London Casino cash: $12100126 VARSITY	Only LJ shall perform a Hermgasm in public. __________________ My dear girl, there are some things that just aren’t done. Such as, drinking Dom Perignon ’53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit. That’s just as bad as listening to the Beatles without earmuffs.
Posts: 65,741

06-22-2007, 07:18 PM	#62
Direckshun __ Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Springpatch Casino cash: $2033447	Alright. The Book of Herm is in construction. I'm just going to tack it onto the OP. Keep all suggestions coming. This is the world's first democratic Bible.
Posts: 59,693

06-22-2007, 07:22 PM	#64
luv You think you can get by this? Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Springfield, MO Casino cash: $-1270000	The CPV Herm Edwards Bible. ChiefsPlanet Version.
Posts: 63,567

06-22-2007, 07:29 PM	#65
KurtCobain legend Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Independence, MO Casino cash: $-3377903	Don't forget the Johnson pounding Commandment, and you should make a wikipage for the herm bible.
Posts: 28,547

06-22-2007, 09:38 PM	#66
FAX testing ... 1, 2, 3 Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Tennessee Casino cash: $6753759	And so it came to pass that Herm sayeth unto the veterans, Because thou hast eaten from the tree of experience, thou art cursed above all mortals, and upon thy belly shalt thou go unto free agency and in sorrow shalt thy incentive bonus be withheld. And unto the rookies he sayeth, Because thou hast hearkened unto my voice and partaken of my noobley stick, thou shalt be blessed and thy career shalt be exalted and thy locker be near the shower and thy shalt have unto thine own the private room on the road. And thus did the veterans depart from Arrowhead and great was the wailing among fans and the media also was corrupt before Herm, and the executive offices were filled with violence and wickedness and every evil imagination. FAX
Posts: 44,492

06-23-2007, 01:01 AM	#69
the Talking Can Supporter Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: street Casino cash: $9082208	Hicks + DV = Sodom and Gamorrha (sp?) __________________ Clark Hunt: "Thank god for the Dominican pool boy"
Posts: 51,585

09-10-2007, 05:18 PM	#70
Megbert New and shiny. Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: KC KS Casino cash: $9270260	And Herm said unto the QB's "one must use the check down first and if that is covered one must back into the line of scrimmage for a sack".
Posts: 10,198

09-10-2007, 05:25 PM	#71
beach tribe Keep doubting J MFing Houston Join Date: May 2007 Location: ft.lauderdale Casino cash: $3868036	Thou shalt be glorified by ones personality, and not by the carrying out of onests tasks.
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09-10-2007, 05:28 PM	#72
Logical Screw U if U can't take a joke Join Date: Aug 2000 Casino cash: $10004900	And on the day nigh after the opener Herm said kicker Medlock ye shall be cast out to wander the wilderness, and lo unto the squad would come a Rayner to rescuse the heathens.
Posts: 31,579

09-10-2007, 05:32 PM	#73
FAX testing ... 1, 2, 3 Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Tennessee Casino cash: $6753759	And if thy kicker offendeth thee, cut his ass. FAX
Posts: 44,492

09-10-2007, 05:43 PM	#75
HonestChieffan Seeking the Truth daily Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: In the Country in MO Casino cash: $-1685691	And then the sky was rent and out came the booteth leggeth. And silence filled the land. __________________ "We read books for knowledge; We read the Bible for wisdom!"
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