The Herm Edwards Bible

[Direckshun]

Here's a boom-or-bust, 400-post or 0-post thread for bored Chiefs fans.

I think we can all agree Herm Edwards is far more straightforward in his football philosophies than most coaches.

Well submit your axioms that you honestly believe that Herm Edwards follows when it comes to building a football team, and hark!, I shalt do mine best to incorporate them into a two- or three-book mini-Bible, written in the holiest of prose, and constantly adapting to incorporate your newly-added Commandments.

The axioms can relate to offense, defense, leadership, game strategies, team chemistry, public speaking, his own personal history ("and Dungy begat Edwards") -- whatever you can reasonably relate to Herm. The more the better, I would ideally like this to be a good-sized Good Book.

A couple serious axioms I can think up off the top of my head (I figure you folks won't have any trouble thinking up punchlines) would be like the following:

• Thou shalt build thy teams through the Draft.
• Thou shalt draft Best Player Available.
• Thou shalt not get things twisted.

Then I'll take your suggestions later and try to write out The New Testament Of Herm or whatever. The following is what I've got so far for this gloriously makeshift Holy Word.

The Book of Herm

Chapter 1

1 In 1978, year of our Lord, the Ancient Giants found themselves ensconced in a comfortable lead in the waning seconds of a 17-12 victory over thine Golden Eagles upon the gridiron of the Meadowlands. 2 All that stood between themselves and victory was a 3rd-and-2 kneel-down to kill off the remaining seconds off the clock. 3 But in those crucial seconds that echo throughout the Heavens and the Earth, there would be no kneel-down. 5 Instead, a Miracle reared itself, as the Lord slipped the ball from the hands of Pisarcik, and from this Immaculate Separation doth borne Herman Edwards. 6 To be known among God’s children as “Herm,” he made good work of the Lord’s blessing, hauling the fumbled treasure 26-yards for a defensive touchdown and a 19-17 shocker. Prodigy was borne this day.

7 Truly infused in the mind of this man of football was a dedication to all that is righteous and outspoken. 8 Herm would grow into a head coach and spiritual learner of this most holiest of sports, enduring trials and tribulations in the strange lands of Tampa Bay and New York, before riding into Arrowhead, the Lord’s Promised Land, on the back of a 4th round pick.

9 His words would ring throughout the press, enlightening and befuddling a city that continued to worship the false idol Dick Vermeil. 10 He implored to his newfound flock that they misunderstood what a successful organization looked like. That they, in fact, knew not what they do.

11 And upon Arrowhead Drive he stood in a snappy sweater vest, and thus began Herman’s Sermon on the Mount. 12 A truer test of character the world had never known.

[Hammock Parties]

Thou Shalt Take Solace In Field Goals.

[KurtCobain]

Thou Shalt Pound Thy Johnson

[the Talking Can]

Whenst thou dismantle-est an offense, one must never say, "Begone foul dragon of an offense, I dismantle thee!"....

[luv]

Can I get the FFDV (Football For Dummies Version)? It's so much easier to read.

[Chiefnj]

Thou shalt simplify the offense.

The shalt feel better when thy Dick is Curl(ed).

Thou shalt never watch the Super Bowl on television.

Thou shalt die Easter Eggs when Thy telleth to.

Thou shall not enjoy the circus.

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by luv

Can I get the FFD (Football For Dummies) version? It's so much easier to read.

There is no New American Standard version of the Herm Bible.

It will be written and printed in King Carl Version.

[Fly O.T. McWall]

Final verse: It's OK!

[Redrum_69]

Thou shall not lose in Cleveland during the month of December

[Reerun_KC]

Thou shalt not out score they brethern on their own land

[luv]

Originally Posted by Direckshun

There is no New American Standard version of the Herm Bible.

It will be written and printed in King Carl Version.

Niiice. Rep.

[Tribal Warfare]

Run, Run, Pass,Punt

As it's written shall it be done

[Megbert]

And on the 7th day Herm rested and forgot clock management.

[Redrum_69]

Thou shall not bend to the will of spectators and arm-chair quarterbacks who worship backup quarterbacks looking to dethrone said starting quarterback, regardless of illness or desperation.

[Hammock Parties]

Thou Shalt Run On Third Down, Occasionally.