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Old 06-14-2010, 06:50 PM  
Huffman83 Huffman83 is offline
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Marriage problems: First one to mention Anti-freeze wins
So....the wife is taking her 15 minute breather from a big fight in reference to finances. For the past 3 years, I've been the "bread winner." as in I pay the bills, buy dinner, entertainment...etc.

She has a lot of student loan dept that I was already aware of. However, some things I was not aware of initially was how much credit card debt she had due to her charging random shit to her credit card while she was a student.

Therefore I'm lucky to get $250 bucks a month from her in order to pay bills.

Between mortgage, insurance, utilities, entertainment, (cable,internet etc.) cell/phone bills. 58% of my earnings goes towards house bills. Not to mention food, gas and my own personal debt.

The wife gets a new job and is making more money. COOL!!!! Initially she states she'll be able to give me double of what she can. I'm still paying 45% of my monthly income. While she is only paying aprox 36 % of the bills. That's $500 bucks if you're still following.

I've been broke and barely able to make ends meet...and when the wife asks me to only give me $400 a month to help w/ bills and then we can start having kids in 2012. And I say no...that's bullshit, I'm at my wits end.

I'm still the asshole aren't I?
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Old 06-15-2010, 05:53 AM   #61
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I dunno, it amazes me that you had no idea she was like this before you got married...did you guys even talk about this shit?
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Old 06-15-2010, 06:02 AM   #62
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Sorry man but it sounds like there may be seem deeper issues about commitment.

You are essentially 1/2 of a whole unit now and if the money is being divided like roomates, then it seems to me that deep down neither of you see's your marriage as a union of 2 to make 1.

Most people I know who do the roommate routine with money don't have a stable marriage or in a few cases, have divorced.

If this is your partner for life, then I'd advise both of you to stop seeing finances as "his" and "hers" but rather "ours".

Just my .02 cents.
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Old 06-15-2010, 06:13 AM   #63
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Old 06-15-2010, 06:47 AM   #64
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I don't get the separate finance thing, either. You're married and pledged to be with each other forever through thick and thin, in sleet and hail and dark of night, and you plan to raise children together, but you don't share your money? It doesn't make sense to me.

So if one of you loses your job, does that person starve? They can't get food stamps if the other one is working. And would you evict the other person if they can't pay rent?
I didn't know they worked for the Post Office.
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Old 06-15-2010, 07:03 AM   #65
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Old 06-15-2010, 07:07 AM   #66
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I don't get the separate finance thing, either. You're married and pledged to be with each other forever through thick and thin, in sleet and hail and dark of night, and you plan to raise children together, but you don't share your money? It doesn't make sense to me.

So if one of you loses your job, does that person starve? They can't get food stamps if the other one is working. And would you evict the other person if they can't pay rent?
I agree 100% it really makes no sense to me.
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Old 06-15-2010, 07:14 AM   #67
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you guys are running your marriage like it is a corporation and you are bickering about whos department contributes more and therefore should get more. That is not a good way to have it arranged. You can't "keep score" in a marriage, it doesn't work that way. Remember for better or for worse? You two are supposed to be a family unit working as one. We put our money (I pretty much make 95% of it) into a checking account and a savings account. Invest a little, and when all the bills are paid, if there is much left, do something fun or talk about what one of us wants or needs. If you guys cant agree on this sort of stuff, there are bigger issues than who makes what
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Old 06-15-2010, 07:26 AM   #68
Dayze Dayze is offline
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WTF?

This is very strange?

We put all the money in one account, pay the bills and what ever is left we either save or do fun stuff with...
us too.

everyone we know who have seperate accounts seem to always be complaining about $/ who pays what, etc.

it might work for some people, I'm sure. Just not for us.
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Old 06-15-2010, 07:30 AM   #69
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us too.

everyone we know who have seperate accounts seem to always be complaining about $/ who pays what, etc.

it might work for some people, I'm sure. Just not for us.
Our agreement is pretty much the same.

Money goes in the pot. Bills get paid.

Whatever is left over is split up by what was put in. If I put in 60%, and she 40%, that's what we each get out of the left over cash.

Not that there has been any leftover cash lately, but...
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Old 06-15-2010, 07:30 AM   #70
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I see that as women's lib being responsible for the divorce rate.

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Old 06-15-2010, 07:50 AM   #71
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My wife and I had a joint checking account for the first 7 years of our marriage. We constantly fought about money during this time. The past year we have done a seperate account deal and things have never been better. We still pay all the bills together. I pay about 54% and she pays 46%. Those figures are based on our income. There is no right or wrong way to do it. You just have to figure out what works for you as a couple and roll with it.
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Old 06-15-2010, 07:56 AM   #72
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My wife and I had a joint checking account for the first 7 years of our marriage. We constantly fought about money during this time. The past year we have done a seperate account deal and things have never been better. We still pay all the bills together. I pay about 54% and she pays 46%. Those figures are based on our income. There is no right or wrong way to do it. You just have to figure out what works for you as a couple and roll with it.
This is how we do it, pretty much. I think I'm about to change it up, though, because it's become harder to budget.

I think we're going to get one joint account (and really all of our accounts are "joint" in that we can transfer money between them at will) that we use to pay all bills from (through automated bill pay). Both of our paychecks will direct deposit into this account.

After that, we'll pull out a set "allowance" into each of our individual accounts to spend as we see fit.
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Old 06-15-2010, 07:57 AM   #73
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i'm curious. do the separate finance people do so because their spouses have different saving/spending philosophies? and if you save diligently and your spouse spends every penny, how will retirement go? will you be going on cruises by yourself? will the two of you go grocery shopping and you'll be putting steak in your cart while she's stocking up on fancy feast? I would think the odds are high that one of you will have much more money over a 50-year time period.
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Old 06-15-2010, 07:59 AM   #74
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This is how we do it, pretty much. I think I'm about to change it up, though, because it's become harder to budget.

I think we're going to get one joint account (and really all of our accounts are "joint" in that we can transfer money between them at will) that we use to pay all bills from (through automated bill pay). Both of our paychecks will direct deposit into this account.

After that, we'll pull out a set "allowance" into each of our individual accounts to spend as we see fit.
If that works for you then there is nothing wrong with it. If problems arise over time with the current system you are using you can always change it up. It doesn't have to be one way or the highway as many here seem to think.
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Old 06-15-2010, 08:00 AM   #75
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