Flabbergasted and pissed

[RedThat]

Totally felt this way yesterday and Im a little bit better today. Im just wondering if I have good reason to feel this way and ask for the opinions of the readers of this thread. I'll explain.

I was at a wedding last night, and happened to be part of a bridal party. The person who got married I had been friends with for years, dating back since high school. I've done him favors left, right, and center throughout the time knowing him but he just happens to be one of those people that depends on you to do stuff for him, but when it comes to you, he would do very little. Last night topped it off and fully convinced me that I shall never do anything for this guy again.

He orders a limo to pick us up at his house. The limo took us to the church, to the park to take pictures for the wedding, and finally to the banquet hall. I was kind enough to bring some booze and play batender in the limo by serving drinks for everyone. Oh and to mention I gave him a good chunk of change to support him and his wife for both the hall and honeymoon.

So last night at around 1am in the morning were at the banquet hall and I asked him out of the blue, I said, "How am I going to get home?" The reason I asked him this question was because I recall that the limo driver told me he wasn't coming back. Now, my friend never mentioned this to me before the wedding. When I asked him that very question you know what his response was? "IT'S NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY!"

When he said that, I wanted to grab him and choke him to death. What he said, definately made me feel very angry and like sh*t. I was going to tell him off then and there, but felt it wasn't a good idea since it was his special day, and I didn't want any animosity to arise or did not want to put other peoples nights down as a result. With that being said, I managed to keep my cool.

But I told him straight, that he should of got a bus to escort us back home to his house because thats where all of our cars were when the limo came to pick us up. But, what really ticked me off even more was that his eff'n wife ordered a bus because she had family that came over from greece. The bus took them back to her house where they stayed over night to sleep. but then Im like, "What about the F***'N bridal party?! Why aren't we getting this very same type of treatment? Just totally surprised and upset at the way this a**hole had treated me. Later on in the night, he kept insisting that I should hitch rides with other people like other distant friends or members of his family that happened to come along and were about to leave. Is this right? To go around doing something like that? Im thinking in my head, are you stupid? do you think I am going to go around asking people for rides, and doing that especially when you are a part of the groom? You know how silly and stupid that looks.

*So I just got up, and left. I didn't even say goodbye, never turned back, I just called a cab and fucked off! Im never EVER doing a favor for this guy again. So, finally let me ask you planteers, do you think Im right? Do I have reason to feel this way or should I just relax and not take it too hard?

[boogblaster]

douche

[Hoover]

I think you are really pissed because you didn't get a wedding hook up

[wutamess]

Dude you have every right to be. That sounds like a arrogant pompous little prick. That and it sounds like you're that one friend that gets shit all over by him and he knows it.

Either way... chalk it up as a lesson learned and start handling him with a long handle spoon. Keep your distance.

[DaFace]

Originally Posted by The Bad Guy

Wait, what?

Since when is it the groom's responsibility to pay for everyone's tux? Now, as part of being in the wedding party, I gave them a sweet gift, but I never knew of this theory that the groom pays for the GM tux.

It just depends on the situation. I've been in 6 weddings and didn't pay for the tux (or other outfit) in any of them. That said, it was considered a "that's cool of them to pay for it" thing in each one rather than a "they'd better pay for it" thing.

In my opinion, your friends shouldn't have to pay for you to get married, but that's just me.

[DaFace]

For what it's worth...

http://www.yourwedding101.com/mail-b...etiquette.aspx

Costs For Wedding Party Clothing

Is it the bride's parent's responsibility to pay for the tuxedo rental for ushers and ring bearer? Who is responsible for paying for the tuxedos in the wedding party? If someone is asked to participate in the wedding, does the bride's family pay for the tuxedos? Who pays for the wedding party's tuxedos, the bride's family or the person themselves?

- Sandy

Answer:
Who pays for what is one of the most common wedding questions. Traditionally, the groom's family pays for the groom's and groomsmen's attire, and the bride's family pays for the bride's and bridal party's attire. These days, it is not unusual for the wedding party to pay for their own attire, though.

When you ask your friends and family to be in your wedding party, it's a good idea to make sure they are aware that they will be expected to purchase their attire themselves. Some people may have to decline your invitation due to the expense, so be prepared to find an alternate attendant or foot the bill yourself.

[The Bad Guy]

Originally Posted by DaFace

It just depends on the situation. I've been in 6 weddings and didn't pay for the tux (or other outfit) in any of them. That said, it was considered a "that's cool of them to pay for it" thing in each one rather than a "they'd better pay for it" thing.

In my opinion, your friends shouldn't have to pay for you to get married, but that's just me.

It must be where I'm from. I've never heard of this practice before and I've been in tons of wedding parties.

[Iowanian]

I've been in several weddings over the years and I think I've probably not paid for my own tux 2-3.

I assume it's part of the honor of standing up with your friend and family. They have enough expenses and problems, that myself and my attire aren't going to be one of them.

[DaneMcCloud]

Originally Posted by Iowanian

I've been in several weddings over the years and I think I've probably not paid for my own tux 2-3.

I assume it's part of the honor of standing up with your friend and family. They have enough expenses and problems, that myself and my attire aren't going to be one of them.

Yeah, no shit. RedThat is a ****ing reerun.

First off, it's an HONOR to be in someone's wedding party. You don't make the groom PAY for your services, especially if you're such good friend that he asks you to stand up for him.

Secondly, I've had friends fly cross-country (and visa-versa) for weddings and to be in wedding parties. I'd NEVER ask ANYONE that took time out of their busy schedule to pay for their own tux, and I'd never THINK of asking anyone to pay for mine.

It reeks of ****ing DOUCHEBAGGERY.

RedThat should be ashamed.

If this were an isolated incident - I'd say blow it off. Men don't always plan well and they have enough on their mind on wedding day. But since it's a pattern with him feel free to vent and cut your losses. No worries. You're sick of being taken advantage of and we all reach that point eventually. I think you handled it well, rather than to make it about you on his day you just moved on. It's probably the same thing I would have done - though I might have reached the conclusion a little earlier - or maybe later. Dunno without having been in your shoes.

[RedThat]

Originally Posted by DaneMcCloud

Yeah, no shit. RedThat is a ****ing reerun.

First off, it's an HONOR to be in someone's wedding party. You don't make the groom PAY for your services, especially if you're such good friend that he asks you to stand up for him.

Secondly, I've had friends fly cross-country (and visa-versa) for weddings and to be in wedding parties. I'd NEVER ask ANYONE that took time out of their busy schedule to pay for their own tux, and I'd never THINK of asking anyone to pay for mine.

It reeks of ****ing DOUCHEBAGGERY.

RedThat should be ashamed.

Ashamed of what? I've been in and seen wedding parties where the groom does pay for services. It happens. It all depends on the person and how they are as individuals or how they feel towards you. I never made the groom pay for my services so quit putting words in my mouth you stupid a**hole. All I was getting at was this situation brings out the true colours of my friend.

You don't even know our past relationship to make such comments. I bent over backwards for this guy, but he rarely did it for me. Ive always done stuff, but never asked for anything back. That represents goodness, but eventually after a while you get sick of that. i sensed he depended on my kindness. He has been doing that for years and years. He chose me to be a part of his party because he feels and knows im a kind person, and everytime we were together he feels im good for a laugh. You know what? I tried dude. I tried to be as good as I could with this guy, and eventually I got sick. Its hard to sustain goodness with someone when they in turn treat you like a piece of trash. As a result, you end up becoming garbage back to them. Yeah you can be good, but when there is a lack of respect towards you that is a reflection on how others in turn will be treated back. Treat others the way you wish to be treated. I treat people with kindness and generousity and wished I was treated the same way. Treat others the way you wish to be treated is biblical. And Im not trying to get biblical on you here.

Honored? yes..i feel that way to be in someones wedding party. but still cant neglect the way a person treats you because if you do then you're not listening to your own consciousness inside you. Eventually the negatives will show up no matter how positive you are about a situation. That is part of being human! Kindness is part of my identity, but after this situation, I feel robbed and stripped of that quality. I learned to never bend backwards for people who are selfish. NOBODY likes to be used...You fail to see the humanitarian aspect of how I feel..But why am I telling you this, im wasting my time.

[DaFace]

Originally Posted by RedThat

Ashamed of what? I've been in and seen wedding parties where the groom does pay for services. It happens. It all depends on the person and how they are as individuals or how they feel towards you. I never made the groom pay for my services so quit putting words in my mouth you stupid a**hole. All I was getting at was this situation brings out the true colours of my friend.

You don't even know our past relationship to make such comments. I bent over backwards for this guy, but he rarely did it for me. Ive always done stuff, but never asked for anything back. That represents goodness, but eventually after a while you get sick of that. i sensed he depended on my kindness. He has been doing that for years and years. He chose me to be a part of his party because he feels and knows im a kind person, and everytime we were together he feels im good for a laugh. You know what? I tried dude. I tried to be as good as I could with this guy, and eventually I got sick. Its hard to sustain goodness with someone when they in turn treat you like a piece of trash. As a result, you end up becoming garbage back to them. Yeah you can be good, but when there is a lack of respect towards you that is a reflection on how others in turn will be treated back. Treat others the way you wish to be treated. I treat people with kindness and generousity and wished I was treated the same way. Treat others the way you wish to be treated is biblical. And Im not trying to get biblical on you here.

Honored? yes..i feel that way to be in someones wedding party. but still cant neglect the way a person treats you because if you do then you're not listening to your own consciousness inside you. Eventually the negatives will show up no matter how positive you are about a situation. That is part of being human! Kindness is part of my identity, but after this situation, I feel robbed and stripped of that quality. I learned to never bend backwards for people who are selfish. NOBODY likes to be used...You fail to see the humanitarian aspect of how I feel..But why am I telling you this, im wasting my time.

Dude...don't let people get you all riled up. You know how this place works.

Clearly, you know your situation better than anyone. He probably should have figured out the ride thing, but obviously he had other things on his mind. Only you can decide if this was a case of "dude is being an asshole like he always does" or "the guy forgot and didn't want to be bugged about it after he really couldn't do anything about it."

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

Look at the bright side, he's the one that got married. I'll bet he's already having to cheat on her to get some sex and she's probably laying on the sofa with a box of donuts trying to see how fast she can hit 200 pounds.

Originally Posted by RedThat

The dude even reserved tuxedo's, and made us pay $144 bucks for them.

Oh and he ordered them without shoes too!

*Cheapa** mother****er

That's standard for the most part. Most men have a pair of black dress shoes that are suitable to wear with a tux as well.

Maybe you are being a little whiny. I dunno. I wasn't there. Don't know your friend. But if he takes advantage of you then cut him off. This stuff isn't rocket science. Some friends are for life and some aren't. It's not a big deal either way.

[RedThat]

Originally Posted by The Bad Guy

Seriously, what are you complaining about?

It sounds like you aren't versed in wedding responsibilities. Every single wedding I've been in resulted in me paying for the tux. I did my best to get discounts for my GM for my wedding, but they paid for it like I always have in weddings.

Secondly, you should have worked out transportation before hand. I think it's bad form on your part to get mad about this whole thing, when it could have been averted if you made plans prior. Carpool with someone, get a hotel somewhere, something should have been arranged prior. That's not the grooms responsibility.

It sounds like he's a dick, but I besides telling you like a dick, I fail to see the problem here.

I maintained my composure while I was there. I kept it inside, and Im just sharing how I felt about the whole incident. Never told him, hey you're a dick didn't like the way I was treated etc..Never said anything like that..Deep down in my own heart Im mad, I just never express it out to him in person.

Alright. It could have been a lot more organized. Like I said previously, if I was told beforehand that it was my responsibility to find my way back home, no complaints about that. I understand its a wedding and sh*t gets stressful and stuff like that can easily be overlooked. But when you ask a simple question, and someone says to you, "it's not my responsibility." Or, offers me suggestions on what I should do..i.e, like go hitch a ride with someone else. Think about that? Put that together, and the guy sounds like a real dick to me.

Now, if he was apologetic about the incident and said it straight like, "hey you know something, Im really sorry about that. I should of told you beforehand, that it is your own responsibility to find a ride home. Or you know something, let me see if I could do something for you." THATS WHAT A DECENT FRIEND IS ALL ABOUT BUDDY!

[Bugeater]

Originally Posted by RedThat

I treat people with kindness and generousity and wished I was treated the same way.

Well, you can wish in one hand and shit in the other...

Seriously, if you continue to go through life with that line of thinking, this won't be the last time you'll be enraged over something like this. Personally, I've found that expecting the worst from people and being occasionally surprised is far better than expecting the best and being constantly disappointed.