Confronting a cheater

[The Dude Abides]

Haven't been here in awhile, so check this out. Guess this could be related to the cheaters thread, but oh well. I had been seeing this woman for about 3 years. Everything was great, we got along, amazing sex, etc. But during this whole time, I live in Wichita, she in Newton, a 30 minute drive. She always had to visit me at my house because she lived with her ex. They had never been married, just dated for 9 years. Long story short, I saw the end coming, she was pulling away, as she had done before a few years ago, so I found where she lived and told her supposed ex the whole story of me and his woman. Oh yeah, they were very much together, he said. But he was a big puss and didn't get mad or anything. But needless to say, she got hysterical, said she hated me, i ruined her life, etc. I knew all this was going to happen anyway, but I just couldn't let her get away with her doing the whole player thing. So basically, what is your opinion on confronting the cheaters significant other?

['Hamas' Jenkins]

Originally Posted by Phobia

After a couple of guys swinging from a rope the rest of the thieves start thinking long and hard about their chosen profession. Somewhere along the line, we stopped holding people accountable for their actions. I won't continue to contribute to that in my life.

If you honestly think that the severity of punishment equates to lessening the chances of crime, I think you should probably take a look at how the war on drugs has impacted rates of drug use in this country.

[keg in kc]

Originally Posted by Phobia

If somebody came into my house and disrespected me I'd put them out on their tail and hoped they learned a lesson. If we, as a society don't hold scumbags accountable then who will? This lackadaisical attitude is what allows scumbags to continue their scumbag behavior.

A mere 150 years ago, civilized people in this country shot or hung men who stole cattle. It was an acceptable part of culture at the time. After a couple of guys swinging from a rope the rest of the thieves start thinking long and hard about their chosen profession. Somewhere along the line, we stopped holding people accountable for their actions. I won't continue to contribute to that in my life.

There's nothing "lackadaisical" about it, because that's exactly my point: hold the committed people who cheat responsible for their actions.

The way I see it, socially we have some weird views on things. If a husband cheats, the wife generally wants to forgive him and beat up the other woman. If a wife cheats, the husband generally wants to forgive her and beat up the other man. It's this whole "I'm sorry, baby, let's go into couples therapy and work this out" approach. I say **** that. You broke your vow. Marriage over, do not pass go, do not collect half of everything.

To me, the other person in this trio of dismay is guilty of being an asshole, but that's pretty much it. They certainly haven't 'stolen' anything, unless there was some form of rape involved. The reality, to use your analogy, is that your partner, whether we're talking about a man or a woman, unlocked the door for them, let them into your house and said 'please, go ahead, take whatever you want'.

So do we hang them both, then?

[Mecca]

You're making to much sense, you obviously aren't a good family man sense that's what I was told.

Originally Posted by 'Hamas' Jenkins

If you honestly think that the severity of punishment equates to lessening the chances of crime, I think you should probably take a look at how the war on drugs has impacted rates of drug use in this country.

Drugs are mind-altering substances. I don't really expect anybody to demonstrate common sense, an ability to reason, or expectations of consequences under those circumstances.

[Abba-Dabba]

Is this Chi's hairdresser? I gotta know I gotta know

[stevieray]

no offense, but let's recap...

keg..has sworn off women...was repeatedly cheated on
mecca..has slept with a mariied woman
hamas..fights chicks in bars.

maybe a little bias going on?

c'mon, now nobody is denying the girl isn't without fault, just that if the guy knows he's just as deserving...he is insulting your marriage as well.

[keg in kc]

I actually have dated since I was divorced, I just don't talk about it. I have a persona on here that I enjoy maintaining.

And yes, I have been cheated on, which I think gives me a little insight into this.

I don't think anybody would argue that the person outside the relationship isn't 'insulting' it in some way - all I'm saying is that the primary responsibility should be on the head of person involved in the relationship who cheated. They're not a victim, and are in my eyes, by far the most wrong. Which isn't absolving the third party, who've also committed a wrong.

But for some reason, it seems to me that the people in the relationships are held less to account than the people outside of it. People actually take back spouses, which just blows my mind.

Originally Posted by keg in kc

There's nothing "lackadaisical" about it, because that's exactly my point: hold the committed people who cheat responsible for their actions.

The way I see it, socially we have some weird views on things. If a husband cheats, the wife generally wants to forgive him and beat up the other woman. If a wife cheats, the husband generally wants to forgive her and beat up the other man. It's this whole "I'm sorry, baby, let's go into couples therapy and work this out" approach. I say **** that. You broke your vow. Marriage over, do not pass go, do not collect half of everything.

To me, the other person in this trio of dismay is guilty of being an asshole, but that's pretty much it. They certainly haven't 'stolen' anything, unless there was some form of rape involved. The reality, to use your analogy, is that your partner, whether we're talking about a man or a woman, unlocked the door for them, let them into your house and said 'please, go ahead, take whatever you want'.

So do we hang them both, then?

My example of hanging was exclusive to the "crime" of cheating. The point was that there was a tangible accountability in the past and now there's not.

The jerk cheating with your wife is stealing your dignity and disrespecting you. He's wrecking your home. It's one thing if we're talking about a young married couple w/out children but it's COMPLETELY another when a dude humps your wife and destroys a family. That's an inexcusable crime for me and yes, in my mind, it's criminal. There's absolutely no excuse for any man to participate in that. Anybody who does it or condones it is a complete piece of garbage and I won't associate with them. That goes for the man who does the same thing to his family.

['Hamas' Jenkins]

Originally Posted by Phobia

Drugs are mind-altering substances. I don't really expect anybody to demonstrate common sense, an ability to reason, or expectations of consequences under those circumstances.

It's not just drugs. Increasing the punishment for a given infraction does not reduce the chances of that infraction being committed.

You are trying to apply a reasonable and logical approach to acts committed by people who are generally sociopaths.

The death penalty was reinstated in 1976. The next fifteen years saw the greatest amount of violent crime in the history of this country at the same time when we were setting records for incarceration rates, both numerically and per capita.

[Mecca]

Did Stevie just call me a bad person?

['Hamas' Jenkins]

Originally Posted by stevieray

no offense, but let's recap...

keg..has sworn off women...was repeatedly cheated on
mecca..has slept with a mariied woman
hamas..fights chicks in bars.

maybe a little bias going on?

c'mon, now nobody is denying the girl isn't without fault, just that if the guy knows he's just as deserving...he is insulting your marriage as well.

Yes, because throwing a beer in someone's face after they've done that to you equals fighting them.

Maybe that's what the husband should do. Throw a Miller Lite in his face, since that now equates to a fight.

Give me a ****ing break.

[Mecca]

Originally Posted by 'Hamas' Jenkins

Yes, because throwing a beer in someone's face after they've done that to you equals fighting them.

Maybe that's what the husband should do. Throw a Miller Lite in his face, since that now equates to a fight.

Give me a ****ing break.

It's not like you bodyslammed her through the table dudley style....it was the first story that popped in my head.

['Hamas' Jenkins]

Originally Posted by Phobia

The jerk cheating with your wife is stealing your dignity and disrespecting you. He's wrecking your home. It's one thing if we're talking about a young married couple w/out children but it's COMPLETELY another when a dude humps your wife and destroys a family. That's an inexcusable crime for me and yes, in my mind, it's criminal. There's absolutely no excuse for any man to participate in that. Anybody who does it or condones it is a complete piece of garbage and I won't associate with them. That goes for the man who does the same thing to his family.

The man cheating with your wife didn't make vows to you, or your kids. Your wife did.

The wife didn't slip and fall on the guy's dick, she made a conscious decision to do that.

I've yet to understand why people outside of a marriage are responsible for it. It's the responsibility of the people inside the marriage to maintain it, not people outside.

[Mecca]

Originally Posted by 'Hamas' Jenkins

The man cheating with your wife didn't make vows to you, or your kids. Your wife did.

The wife didn't slip and fall on the guy's dick, she made a conscious decision to do that.

I've yet to understand why people outside of a marriage are responsible for it. It's the responsibility of the people inside the marriage to maintain it, not people outside.

It's easier to project those feelings onto some guy they don't know and want to kick his ass than the person or peoples fault it really is.

[stevieray]

Originally Posted by 'Hamas' Jenkins

Yes, because throwing a beer in someone's face after they've done that to you equals fighting them.

Maybe that's what the husband should do. Throw a Miller Lite in his face, since that now equates to a fight.

Give me a ****ing break.

that and an unattractive attitude towards women.