96 year old woman's letter to her bank

Dr. Johnny Fever · 01-24-2005, 03:34 PM

This is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you I am
confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press the buttons as follows:

1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year.

Your Humble Client

**Saulbadguy** · 01-24-2005, 03:37 PM

Probably fake.

http://www.snopes.com/business/bank/takethat.asp

Dr. Johnny Fever · 01-24-2005, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saulbadguy

Probably fake.

http://www.snopes.com/business/bank/takethat.asp

Funny anyway. Just an e-mail I got.

**Saulbadguy** · 01-24-2005, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beer me

Funny anyway. Just an e-mail I got.

No..no..not really.

Dr. Johnny Fever · 01-24-2005, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saulbadguy

No..no..not really.

Thanks for ruining an otherwise perfectly good thread. I can't help it if you liberals have no sense of humor.

JazzzLovr · 01-24-2005, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beer me

I can't help it if you liberals have no sense of humor.

Okay, THAT was kinda funny.

DenverChief · 01-24-2005, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beer me

Thanks for ruining an otherwise perfectly good thread. I can't help it if you liberals have no sense of humor.

chiefs4me · 01-24-2005, 03:59 PM

I thought it was awesome,,and spoke the truth.

stanleychief · 01-24-2005, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saulbadguy

Probably fake.

http://www.snopes.com/business/bank/takethat.asp

The mention of 'salary', and 'to reach me on my cell phone' are kind of out of place when the author claims to be 96 years old. Not to mention that I don't know any 96 year old women that know how to access their bank account via phone or Internet

01-24-2005, 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stanleychief

The mention of 'salary', and 'to reach me on my cell phone' are kind of out of place when the author claims to be 96 years old. Not to mention that I don't know any 96 year old women that know how to access their bank account via phone or Internet

I know a 96 year old woman who can gum the hell out of a stack of Lasagna. She can also use the phone by herself, so long as the buttons are half an inch wide.

Eleazar · 01-24-2005, 11:37 PM

Ultra Peanut · 01-25-2005, 12:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saulbadguy

Probably fake.

http://www.snopes.com/business/bank/takethat.asp

Also extremely ****ing old.

tk13 · 01-25-2005, 12:10 AM

I don't know, but I think this is old guys...

01-24-2005, 03:34 PM
Dr. Johnny Fever stax of wax Join Date: Feb 2004 Casino cash: $10004900	96 year old woman's letter to her bank This is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times. Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press the buttons as follows: 1. To make an appointment to see me. 2. To query a missing payment. 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. 7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact. 8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7. 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year. Your Humble Client
Posts: 34,865

01-24-2005, 03:37 PM	#2
Saulbadguy When a nightmare becomes real Join Date: Nov 2003 Casino cash: $2566966	Probably fake. http://www.snopes.com/business/bank/takethat.asp __________________ http://www.goemaw.com
Posts: 46,968

01-24-2005, 03:59 PM	#8
chiefs4me Whatever.. Join Date: Sep 2004 Casino cash: $10004900	I thought it was awesome,,and spoke the truth.
Posts: 9,512

01-24-2005, 11:37 PM	#11
Eleazar Beyond the Rapids Join Date: May 2003 Location: Langley, VA Casino cash: $-370000	ghey
Posts: 80,659

01-25-2005, 12:10 AM	#13
tk13 ... Join Date: Nov 2001 Casino cash: $1912500	I don't know, but I think this is old guys...
Posts: 54,966