Friends

mcan · 07-14-2005, 06:26 PM

Here's the story. I have a couple of friends that I've known since junior high. Both are true friends, and I believe that I'll never lose touch with them.

I hadn't talked with my friend Mike in a long time, but the other night I went over to his place with Angela (most of you know her). It was the first time I'd seen his new place. He lives there with his fiance. While we were over there, Mike told me he was getting really frustrated with our mutual friend Joe. Mikes upset because Joe "never" calls him back unless he is asking for a favor. Mike's a mechanic, so Joe sometimes asks him if he can do some minor work to his car, or to help him move or something. Joe, on the other hand, just got engaged himself and now has a new place with his fiance by the Plaza, and has a morning job. He's also doing a lot of local theatre. So, they are both really busy. Mike works in excess of 60 hours a week, and Joe has like three things going all the time.

So, yesterday I call Joe up (and leave a message) basically giving him a heads up that Mike is upset and that he might want to call Mike and maybe get some dinner or whatever and talk it out.

Today, I get a message from Joe on my phone. Basically, it was a 'thanks for the heads up... I don't know what Mike's problem is... I've called him twice since he's called me... Now he's got you calling me like his Mom... I'm having a party on Saturday...'

My question to the board is: How hard do you guys work on your friendships when everybody is really busy? How often do you meet up with your same sex friends? How important are your friendships and relationships outside of your wife, girlfriend, family? How often do most people run into these kinds of issues, and how hard do you work to resolve them?

Sorry for the long post. But, since these guys are my oldest friends, it got me wondering...

Joe Seahawk · 07-14-2005, 06:33 PM

I'm assuming you, Mike and Joe are girls??

chiefs4me · 07-14-2005, 06:34 PM

Your family always comes first...I have a best friend of 25 years that I only see 3 or 4 times a year, but we talk every week. People change and get very busy with work,kids,extended family... it doesn't mean you are not friends, just busy.

ps...friends don't have to work at being friends...

jspchief · 07-14-2005, 06:34 PM

Welcome to adult life.

keg in kc · 07-14-2005, 06:36 PM

This should be interesting.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcan

How hard do you guys work on your friendships when everybody is really busy?

I have never cared about having friends.

Quote:

How often do you meet up with your same sex friends?

Never.

Quote:

How important are your friendships and relationships outside of your wife, girlfriend, family?

Not at all.

Quote:

How often do most people run into these kinds of issues, and how hard do you work to resolve them?

I'm not most people, obviously.

I'd say fuck 'em all. It's a waste of time. But people tell me I'm weird.

**Nzoner** · 07-14-2005, 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chiefs4me

ps...friends don't have to work at being friends...

**Rain Man** · 07-14-2005, 06:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jspchief

Welcome to adult life.

Yep.

I miss my friends, but between my company and their kids and everything else in between, I see my best friends (in town) maybe a couple of times a year, and I talk to my best out of town friends maybe a couple of times a year as well. We'll generally e-mail each other a few times a year, both in-town friends and out-of-town friends.

It really kind of stinks, but it's hard to fix. Earlier this year, it took over four months to get a dinner arranged with a couple that we're friends with. FOUR MONTHS!

DJay23 · 07-14-2005, 06:41 PM

I'm the last of my friends to be single. It's hard to not call my buddies up and see if they just want to hang out. I can't just do that all the time though because they have wives, husbands, kids, girlfriends, fiances, etc.

Luckily, I work with some of my closest friends at school. That leaves the summer pretty wide open and sometimes boring. During the summer, I guess I see my closest friends at least once a week, depending on what's going on.

My best friend from high school though, who's wedding I was best man at, moved about an hour and a half away. I've seen him twice this year. Kinda sucks when everyone grows up and moves on.

Simplex3 · 07-14-2005, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joe Seahawk

I'm assuming you, Mike and Joe are girls??

That's exactly what I was thinking.

Simplex3 · 07-14-2005, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by keg in kc

This should be interesting.I have never cared about having friends.Never.Not at all.I'm not most people, obviously.

I'd say fuck 'em all. It's a waste of time. But people tell me I'm weird.

Holy crap! My long lost brother?!?!

I have business contacts and a few people I will IM when I'm bored. I'll bet I don't see my friends more than once or twice a year.

**Iowanian** · 07-14-2005, 07:26 PM

you sound like a bunch of women...Maybe you should all get together for a mud bath or something.

I'm at a point in my life, where "Friends" that 5-7 years ago, I'd have knocked a train off of its tracks to defend their name, We barely speak 5' apart in a bar. I don't respect them anymore for things they've done and finally see some things more clearly. I'm social when we see each other, and I suppose if they were in real trouble, Something in me would flare up and defend/help them, even though, they're probably the asshole.

I have another HS Friend I hadn't spoken to in 10 years....he moved and got busy..never comes home...yadayadayada...I called him last year out of the blue because I was having a meeting near his town...after 2 minutes of catching up, it was like we'd gone fishing last saturday. A true Friend.

People Change...Friends come and go in my experience. I found that the only people I can REALLy count on when the Chips are on the line is family(in my case). Wife, Brothers, cousins et al.

Then again....maybe its just me, and I'm not that likeable....maybe I'm just the guy they always knew they could call when they were in trouble at 4am, and knew I'd come.

Whatever you do....just don't be Chics about it.

Shit happens...walk it off, crack a beer and do something that gets your hands dirty.

Hammock Parties · 07-14-2005, 07:31 PM

I find shooting my friends in the head online is a great stress relief.

**cdcox** · 07-14-2005, 07:39 PM

In the 25 years since I started college I've had maybe 12 other men that I've considered close friends. Right now I'm in frequent contact with 3 of them. With any of them I could pick up where we left off in 5 minutes. Life gets in the way of keeping things going. If I go a stretch without having a close friend, it is not a big deal.

mcan · 07-14-2005, 08:14 PM

As far as us acting like "chicks"

-This isn't an emotional baggage kinda thing. These guys are like brothers to me, and I'd do anything for them. I'd seriously take a bullet for either of them.

I just think that the only thing in life that is truly important is our friendships. I believe that friendships even supercede family. Ideally, your family members are friends as well (my brother is my best friend). I have cousins that I am fond of, but I wouldn't probably be "friends" with them if they weren't family. Those are the same cousins that I see once or twice a year and it's no big deal.

**ChiTown** · 07-14-2005, 08:22 PM

I see my BEST friend every morning when I wake up. Sometimes we don't even talk until dinner time. Best part is, we are also friends with benefits.

Sorry, I can't answer your question cuz I've never worked real hard at friendships. It just happens and takes care of itself. Then again, I have a really cool and understanding set of friends. They know I'm a prick and just deal with it

07-14-2005, 06:26 PM
mcan Apr 13,1949 – Dec 15, 2011 Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Kansas City, MO Casino cash: $9996085	Friends Here's the story. I have a couple of friends that I've known since junior high. Both are true friends, and I believe that I'll never lose touch with them. I hadn't talked with my friend Mike in a long time, but the other night I went over to his place with Angela (most of you know her). It was the first time I'd seen his new place. He lives there with his fiance. While we were over there, Mike told me he was getting really frustrated with our mutual friend Joe. Mikes upset because Joe "never" calls him back unless he is asking for a favor. Mike's a mechanic, so Joe sometimes asks him if he can do some minor work to his car, or to help him move or something. Joe, on the other hand, just got engaged himself and now has a new place with his fiance by the Plaza, and has a morning job. He's also doing a lot of local theatre. So, they are both really busy. Mike works in excess of 60 hours a week, and Joe has like three things going all the time. So, yesterday I call Joe up (and leave a message) basically giving him a heads up that Mike is upset and that he might want to call Mike and maybe get some dinner or whatever and talk it out. Today, I get a message from Joe on my phone. Basically, it was a 'thanks for the heads up... I don't know what Mike's problem is... I've called him twice since he's called me... Now he's got you calling me like his Mom... I'm having a party on Saturday...' My question to the board is: How hard do you guys work on your friendships when everybody is really busy? How often do you meet up with your same sex friends? How important are your friendships and relationships outside of your wife, girlfriend, family? How often do most people run into these kinds of issues, and how hard do you work to resolve them? Sorry for the long post. But, since these guys are my oldest friends, it got me wondering...
Posts: 3,761

07-14-2005, 06:33 PM	#2
Joe Seahawk This place entertains.. Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Seattle Casino cash: $6724435	I'm assuming you, Mike and Joe are girls??
Posts: 5,503

07-14-2005, 06:34 PM	#3
chiefs4me Whatever.. Join Date: Sep 2004 Casino cash: $10004900	Your family always comes first...I have a best friend of 25 years that I only see 3 or 4 times a year, but we talk every week. People change and get very busy with work,kids,extended family... it doesn't mean you are not friends, just busy. ps...friends don't have to work at being friends...
Posts: 9,512

07-14-2005, 06:34 PM	#4
jspchief BAMF Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Your Face Casino cash: $9998710	Welcome to adult life. __________________ Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all.
Posts: 27,207

07-14-2005, 06:41 PM	#8
DJay23 Rock Chalk Jayhawk Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: PA Casino cash: $2703317	I'm the last of my friends to be single. It's hard to not call my buddies up and see if they just want to hang out. I can't just do that all the time though because they have wives, husbands, kids, girlfriends, fiances, etc. Luckily, I work with some of my closest friends at school. That leaves the summer pretty wide open and sometimes boring. During the summer, I guess I see my closest friends at least once a week, depending on what's going on. My best friend from high school though, who's wedding I was best man at, moved about an hour and a half away. I've seen him twice this year. Kinda sucks when everyone grows up and moves on. __________________ "True bliss is not something you search for, true bliss is already living inside us all, and sometimes it takes a roomfull of others to lead us to the mirror of your soul." - CosmicPal (10-3-03)
Posts: 8,771

07-14-2005, 07:26 PM	#11
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $4638454	you sound like a bunch of women...Maybe you should all get together for a mud bath or something. I'm at a point in my life, where "Friends" that 5-7 years ago, I'd have knocked a train off of its tracks to defend their name, We barely speak 5' apart in a bar. I don't respect them anymore for things they've done and finally see some things more clearly. I'm social when we see each other, and I suppose if they were in real trouble, Something in me would flare up and defend/help them, even though, they're probably the asshole. I have another HS Friend I hadn't spoken to in 10 years....he moved and got busy..never comes home...yadayadayada...I called him last year out of the blue because I was having a meeting near his town...after 2 minutes of catching up, it was like we'd gone fishing last saturday. A true Friend. People Change...Friends come and go in my experience. I found that the only people I can REALLy count on when the Chips are on the line is family(in my case). Wife, Brothers, cousins et al. Then again....maybe its just me, and I'm not that likeable....maybe I'm just the guy they always knew they could call when they were in trouble at 4am, and knew I'd come. Whatever you do....just don't be Chics about it. Shit happens...walk it off, crack a beer and do something that gets your hands dirty. Last edited by Iowanian; 07-14-2005 at 10:26 PM..
Posts: 61,556

07-14-2005, 07:31 PM	#12
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $4430478	I find shooting my friends in the head online is a great stress relief. __________________ Chiefs game films
Posts: 278,667

07-14-2005, 07:39 PM	#13
cdcox www.nfl-forecast.com Join Date: Sep 2000 Casino cash: $2201769	In the 25 years since I started college I've had maybe 12 other men that I've considered close friends. Right now I'm in frequent contact with 3 of them. With any of them I could pick up where we left off in 5 minutes. Life gets in the way of keeping things going. If I go a stretch without having a close friend, it is not a big deal.
Posts: 45,543

07-14-2005, 08:14 PM	#14
mcan Apr 13,1949 – Dec 15, 2011 Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Kansas City, MO Casino cash: $9996085	As far as us acting like "chicks" -This isn't an emotional baggage kinda thing. These guys are like brothers to me, and I'd do anything for them. I'd seriously take a bullet for either of them. I just think that the only thing in life that is truly important is our friendships. I believe that friendships even supercede family. Ideally, your family members are friends as well (my brother is my best friend). I have cousins that I am fond of, but I wouldn't probably be "friends" with them if they weren't family. Those are the same cousins that I see once or twice a year and it's no big deal.
Posts: 3,761

07-14-2005, 08:22 PM	#15
ChiTown Stroking to the SB Champs! Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Flatlands of Kansas Casino cash: $3013962	I see my BEST friend every morning when I wake up. Sometimes we don't even talk until dinner time. Best part is, we are also friends with benefits. Sorry, I can't answer your question cuz I've never worked real hard at friendships. It just happens and takes care of itself. Then again, I have a really cool and understanding set of friends. They know I'm a prick and just deal with it __________________
Posts: 39,360