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Old 07-20-2006, 03:07 PM  
TinyEvel TinyEvel is offline
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Get a great nickname for your penis at IKEA
Hopefully you're familiar with IKEA, the cavernous Swedish furniture store?

While spending the better part of two hours in there the other day I noticed that a lot of the Swedish names for their furniture and stuff would make great nicknames for your unit. Stuff like the Schlong lamp, Shmedvik chair, etc.

I mean, names like Peter, Mr. Happy, One-Eyed Willy, the little Spelunker, etc. get old after a while, right?

So I jumped on-line for a look at their catalog, and wouldn't you know it's a virtual treasure trove of great nicknames for your Johnson.

Here are just a few REAL names from the IKEA catalog (typing restrictions kept me from using the little two-dots, flying "v"s and other additional Swedish accent marks, but you'll get the idea. Happy shopping)

NAME (what it is) when to use it

AGEN (chair) name it this if you’re on the Viagra
AKTION (spice mill) name it this if you get girls by saying you’re a director.
ALVINE (curtain) name it this, and you can call your balls “the chipmunks”
ANTONIUS (storage) macho as hell Roman name
BAGN (bed tray) if you always use a condom
BAREN (cabinet) if you shave it
BJARNUM JARPEN (shelf) if you want to give it a Star Wars-ish name
BLANKEN (soap dish) if you’ve had a vasectomy
BOLSNAS (basket) named after the other stuff down there.
BONA (vase) good name if it’s always stiff
BUMERANG (hanger) if it’s bent
BYGGA (construction set) if you’ve had it enlarged
DRAG (handle) if your penis will be a “surprise” to someone.
DRAGON (fork) Actually Short for “Peter B. Dragon”
bundle of sticksELBO (sofa) If you’re ghey, and it’s bent
FLYGEL (lamp) if it shoots far
FUNKIS (magazine rack) if it smells
FORMA (bowl) if you can bend it into shapes
GRIP (handle) if you’ve always got your hand on it
HOPEN (table) if you keep a condom in your wallet
INNER (cushion) where it wishes it can be
JERKER ( drawer) see GRIP
JABBA (hanger) If you like Star Wars names, though not recommended
KNUFF (file cabinet) if it’s just over five inches
MANE (chair) if it’s hairy
POKAL (glass) if you’d do anyone
PROMPT (muffin tin) if it comes on time
PLUGG (clock) what better name for something designed to fill a hole?
RAMBERG (wardrobe) Good name for it if you’re German
RIBBA (frame) if it will reach all the way up to her lungs
SCHLAGER (lamp) Perfect Swedish name for your wood. Say it out loud. See?
SIGFRID (bracket) great name if you have just one testicle, named Roy.
STORM (lamp) if it comes unexpectedly
SULTAN (bed) if you keep a turban on it
UTANG (lamp) with this name, you can use an awesome slogan “Utang wants some p**ntang”
VORK (rug) sounds like a Swedish Superhero. Plus, you can say, “Vork wants to pork”
WILMA (curtain) only a good name when coupled with the surname Cockfit

--TinyE
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Old 07-20-2006, 04:00 PM   #2
bogie bogie is offline
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Old 07-20-2006, 04:57 PM   #3
bishop_74 bishop_74 is offline
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PLUGG - That would defintely be appropriate. Buuuuut I'll just stick with Deathbringer....
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Old 07-20-2006, 05:53 PM   #4
CHENZ A! CHENZ A! is offline
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CHENZ A! 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliCHENZ A! 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliCHENZ A! 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliCHENZ A! 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliCHENZ A! 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliCHENZ A! 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliCHENZ A! 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliCHENZ A! 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliCHENZ A! 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliCHENZ A! 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliCHENZ A! 's adopt a chief was Sabby Piscitelli
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Old 07-23-2006, 06:49 PM   #5
TinyEvel TinyEvel is offline
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Bump (thought this would help a slow news week BEFORE THE TY LAW NEWS YYYYAAAAAHOOOOOOO!!!!!

My BJARNUM JARPEN is at full Schligerlaag!!!
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Old 07-23-2006, 07:26 PM   #6
tyton75 tyton75 is offline
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UTANG (lamp) with this name, you can use an awesome slogan “Utang wants some p**ntang”

That one made me laugh out loud
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Old 07-23-2006, 08:45 PM   #7
Ultra Peanut Ultra Peanut is offline
v^V^v^V^v^V^
 
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what
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Old 07-23-2006, 08:47 PM   #8
Mr. Flopnuts Mr. Flopnuts is offline
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Originally Posted by Ultra Peanut
what


whoa tiger
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Old 07-23-2006, 09:00 PM   #9
TinyEvel TinyEvel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ultra Peanut
what

Actually, "Ultra Peanut" is a pretty damn good Johnson nickname, too!

Touche, sir!
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Old 07-23-2006, 09:08 PM   #10
KcMizzou KcMizzou is offline
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This man approves of this thread.
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Old 07-23-2006, 09:10 PM   #11
luv luv is offline
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Alvine and the chipmunks.... ....how cute!
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Old 07-23-2006, 09:11 PM   #12
luv luv is offline
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what
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Old 07-23-2006, 09:19 PM   #13
greg63 greg63 is offline
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Alvine and the chipmunks.... ....how cute!

The three stooges.
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Old 12-02-2008, 01:44 AM   #14
TinyEvel TinyEvel is offline
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This was a good one.
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TinyEvel is obviously part of the inner Circle.TinyEvel is obviously part of the inner Circle.TinyEvel is obviously part of the inner Circle.TinyEvel is obviously part of the inner Circle.TinyEvel is obviously part of the inner Circle.TinyEvel is obviously part of the inner Circle.TinyEvel is obviously part of the inner Circle.TinyEvel is obviously part of the inner Circle.TinyEvel is obviously part of the inner Circle.TinyEvel is obviously part of the inner Circle.TinyEvel is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 12-02-2008, 01:49 AM   #15
Mr Luzcious Mr Luzcious is offline
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This....was a good one. I'm surprised it didn't take off.
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