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Old 01-16-2007, 05:48 PM  
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Gorilla Trapping.
Well, here's the problem as I see it. Bananas might work, but gorillas in the wild aren't used to finding them just laying on the ground. Gorillas are likely genetically inclined to climbing trees for those and distrustful of earth-bound bananas. Alternatively, using a sexually attractive female gorilla for bait is a possibility. Unfortunately, selecting an attractive female gorilla is difficult at best, I mean, how can you tell what a gorilla looks for in a girl? Flat nose? Sloping forehead?

Then, there's the problem of the trapping device itself. Do you use a big net and sling up the gorilla with snare ropes when he comes by? Or, do you use a bamboo box trap hung from the trees and drop it on the bugger? How fast are gorillas anyway? Anybody know? The one thing you don't want is an almost trapped, pissed off gorilla looking for the big joker that tried to catch him in a box.

I know that you, the Planeteers, are men of science and are well versed in the ways of metalurgy, explosives, and sexual tension. So, I figured that, if a guy wants to know how to trap a gorilla, this would be the best place to start. To that end, please advise as to the methods you would employ and thanks.

FAX

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Old 01-16-2007, 08:14 PM   #46
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FAX
Maybe we just send Mr. frazod up the friggin' tree after him if he doesn't come down all peaceful like.

FAX
If we can't get the fugger trapped how the hell do you propose we get it into a refrigerator costume?
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Old 01-16-2007, 08:16 PM   #47
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Get the annual crop report estimate out of the hands of Mr. Beeks after he gets in the cage.
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Old 01-16-2007, 08:16 PM   #48
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adept Havelock
Then we'd need a thread on how to dress a hostile gorilla as a refrigerator, wouldn't we?

Or am I confusing frazod with another Planeteer?
Damnit! I was seconds late.
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Old 01-16-2007, 08:16 PM   #49
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Simplex3
If we can't get the fugger trapped how the hell do you propose we get it into a refrigerator costume?
You're right, of course. Bad plan.

How about this? We find the biggest, fattest, most obese gorilla in the jungle and show him Mr. Ecto-1's web site. Then, when he goes to the gym, we can grab him while he's on the stair master and unawares.

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Old 01-16-2007, 08:18 PM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adept Havelock
Then we'd need a thread on how to dress a hostile gorilla as a refrigerator, wouldn't we?

Or am I confusing frazod with another Planeteer?
Nope. Mr. frazod is a fridge killer par excellence.

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Old 01-16-2007, 08:18 PM   #51
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FAX
You're right, of course. Bad plan.

How about this? We find the biggest, fattest, most obese gorilla in the jungle and show him Mr. Ecto-1's web site. Then, when he goes to the gym, we can grab him while he's on the stair master and unawares.

FAX
Bad plan, he'll be all hopped up on endorphins.
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Old 01-16-2007, 08:46 PM   #52
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Originally Posted by Extra Point
Get the annual crop report estimate out of the hands of Mr. Beeks after he gets in the cage.
i saw the same documentary and they used a tranquilizer gun, i believe.
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Old 01-16-2007, 09:31 PM   #53
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Gorillas are angry, aren't they? Those stories about the ones in captivity named Koko who learn to play the piano and share their ideas about global market commerce through sign language are all false.

I think the idea is to not lure the gorilla, but piss it off so much it becomes confused, and then we casually throw an enormous weighted net over it from atop some trees.

I recommend we convert the gorilla into a Chiefs fan, then wait until the most convenient scheduled Herm Edwards press conference in order to bag it. We can provoke it in the meantime by strategically placing cardboard cutouts of Carl Peterson around the jungle area. Like in the gorilla love-making grounds, or places where a high percentage of gorillas poop. Nothing is more upsetting than looking at Carl Peterson while having gorilla sex or taking a poop.
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Old 01-16-2007, 10:11 PM   #54
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SNR
Nothing is more upsetting than looking at Carl Peterson while having gorilla sex or taking a poop.


I couldn't agree with you more. Being a married man with a 3 y/o I wouldn't want Carl interrrupting one of my rare chances at gorilla sex. As to taking a poop....hey, that's my quiet time. Back off, carl, and let a guy read the paper.

F***ing Peterson!
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Old 01-16-2007, 10:49 PM   #55
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The Iowanian bag of tricks contains a full body gorilla suit, complete with feet and hands. This pic doesn't do it justice.


Last fall, my brothers attempted a "sasquatch" hoax, and did the "bigfoot walk" in front of some trail cams.

This year, it will work better, and Shall be stupendous!
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Old 01-16-2007, 10:51 PM   #56
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Maybe it would be a good idea to let the corn ripen a little more, Mr. Iowanian.

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Old 01-16-2007, 10:58 PM   #57
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I think what our friend fax really wants to know is how to get a post menapausal lady who looks like a gorilla to blow him....

The answer is easy.

Tell her your Twinky has a banana flavored filling.
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Old 01-16-2007, 11:13 PM   #58
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No call for that, Mr. Iowanian. Nevertheless, I'll keep your advice in mind.

Meanwhile, I'm working on a plan to attach a giant quarter to a logchain and block and tackle pulley system in order to hypnotize the gorilla, teach him some show tunes, and just let him dance his way right into captivity.

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Old 01-16-2007, 11:15 PM   #59
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Forget the show tunes, the last thing this world needs is another gay gorilla.
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Old 01-16-2007, 11:35 PM   #60
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Iowanian
The Iowanian bag of tricks contains a full body gorilla suit, complete with feet and hands. This pic doesn't do it justice.


Last fall, my brothers attempted a "sasquatch" hoax, and did the "bigfoot walk" in front of some trail cams.

This year, it will work better, and Shall be stupendous!
So YOU are the one that does those hoaxes.
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