Gorilla Trapping. - Page 2

FAX · 01-16-2007, 05:48 PM

Well, here's the problem as I see it. Bananas might work, but gorillas in the wild aren't used to finding them just laying on the ground. Gorillas are likely genetically inclined to climbing trees for those and distrustful of earth-bound bananas. Alternatively, using a sexually attractive female gorilla for bait is a possibility. Unfortunately, selecting an attractive female gorilla is difficult at best, I mean, how can you tell what a gorilla looks for in a girl? Flat nose? Sloping forehead?

Then, there's the problem of the trapping device itself. Do you use a big net and sling up the gorilla with snare ropes when he comes by? Or, do you use a bamboo box trap hung from the trees and drop it on the bugger? How fast are gorillas anyway? Anybody know? The one thing you don't want is an almost trapped, pissed off gorilla looking for the big joker that tried to catch him in a box.

I know that you, the Planeteers, are men of science and are well versed in the ways of metalurgy, explosives, and sexual tension. So, I figured that, if a guy wants to know how to trap a gorilla, this would be the best place to start. To that end, please advise as to the methods you would employ and thanks.

FAX

Disclaimers: Sorry if repost.

FAX · 01-16-2007, 06:19 PM

Maybe we could get 3 or 4 guys to dress up in Gorilla outfits and start playing the DVD version of CSI-Miami, 2nd edition. And, when the Gorilla sees how much fun they're having, he comes over to join in the game. Then, when he's busy trying to figure out how to get the remote control to contact the forensics team for clues, we cover his head with a pillow case real fast, handcuff his hands behind his back, and just walk him out of the forest nice and slow.

FAX

'Hamas' Jenkins · 01-16-2007, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FAX

Maybe we could get 3 or 4 guys to dress up in Gorilla outfits and start playing the DVD version of CSI-Miami, 2nd edition. And, when the Gorilla sees how much fun they're having, he comes over to join in the game. Then, when he's busy trying to figure out how to get the remote control to contact the forensics team for clues, we cover his head with a pillow case real fast, handcuff his hands behind his back, and just walk him out of the forest nice and slow.

FAX

We'll have to use zipties on a Gorilla. Handcuffs are too small.

Adept Havelock · 01-16-2007, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FAX

Maybe we could get 3 or 4 guys to dress up in Gorilla outfits and start playing the DVD version of CSI-Miami, 2nd edition. And, when the Gorilla sees how much fun they're having, he comes over to join in the game. Then, when he's busy trying to figure out how to get the remote control to contact the forensics team for clues, we cover his head with a pillow case real fast, handcuff his hands behind his back, and just walk him out of the forest nice and slow.

FAX

The only problem with that theory is I have been told Gorillas have a genetic aversion to David Caruso.

Perhaps CSI-NY?

KurtCobain · 01-16-2007, 06:21 PM

I'm thinking Damon Huard could do it.

Adept Havelock · 01-16-2007, 06:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joeyranaway

I'm thinking Damon Huard could do it.

I'm not sure about Damon, but perhaps we could get Jack Bauer from the 24 thread to assist. There can't be that much difference between terrorists and guerillas, can there?

FAX · 01-16-2007, 06:30 PM

It might just be possible, if we could spot the gorilla from the air, to send a select team of sky divers down on his position and slap lots of double sided sticky tape on him. Then, we wait.

After a few days, the gorilla is so covered with leaves and sticks and mud and gorilla poo that all we have to do is offer him a shower and he'll come with us voluntarily.

FAX

RJ · 01-16-2007, 06:34 PM

Acme Gorilla Trap -O-Matic. Kit includes:

1 wooden gorilla crate, one size fits all.

1 50 foot rope.

6 plastic bananas

1 life-size Jane Goodall cardboard poster

4 AA batteries

1 rubber gorilla poop

Map of Africa

George of the Jungle audio cassette

Trap -O-Matic is 100% guaranteed. If you're not satisfied with the results within 30 days they'll give you a full refund. The product is endorsed by such notable celebrities as Wile E Coyote, Foghorn Leghorn and Mr Drysdale from the Beverly Hillbillies.

Zebedee DuBois · 01-16-2007, 06:34 PM

Using the adage, "Monkey see, monkey do."

Situate two identidal cages in the jungle.
Put on a gorilla suit.
Get the target gorilla to ape your actions.
Walk inside one cage and close the door.
The target gorilla will walk inside his cage and shut the door.

Walla!

old_geezer · 01-16-2007, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zebedee DuBois

Using the adage, "Monkey see, monkey do."

Situate two identidal cages in the jungle.
Put on a gorilla suit.
Get the target gorilla to ape your actions.
Walk inside one cage and close the door.
The target gorilla will walk inside his cage and shut the door.

Walla!

Walla my butt. You're both trapped in cages in the middle of the jungle. Guess whose friends will be more willing to help. Also could be bad if gorilla decides to enter your cage.

Zebedee DuBois · 01-16-2007, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by old_geezer

Walla my butt. You're both trapped in cages in the middle of the jungle. Guess whose friends will be more willing to help. Also could be bad if gorilla decides to enter your cage.

But...but....it worked perfectly in my mind when I imagined it!

FAX · 01-16-2007, 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RJ

Acme Gorilla Trap -O-Matic. Kit includes:

1 wooden gorilla crate, one size fits all.
1 50 foot rope.
6 plastic bananas
1 life-size Jane Goodall cardboard poster
4 AA batteries
1 rubber gorilla poop
Map of Africa
George of the Jungle audio cassette

Trap -O-Matic is 100% guaranteed. If you're not satisfied with the results within 30 days they'll give you a full refund. The product is endorsed by such notable celebrities as Wile E Coyote, Foghorn Leghorn and Mr Drysdale from the Beverly Hillbillies.

That's wierd, Mr. RJ. Must be a newer version. The old version the Acme Gorilla Trap-O-Matic was a bucket of paint and a brush and you were supposed to paint a big gorilla vagina on a cliff face. Then, when the gorilla ran headlong and konked himself out on the fake gogina, you tied him up.

FAX

Simplex3 · 01-16-2007, 06:56 PM

You guys do know that RainMan is going to come in here and kick all of your asses, right?

Zebedee DuBois · 01-16-2007, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Simplex3

You guys do know that RainMan is going to come in here and kick all of your asses, right?

Figuratively, not literally, right?

RIGHT?!?!?!

Simplex3 · 01-16-2007, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zebedee DuBois

Figuratively, not literally, right?

RIGHT?!?!?!

Well, yeah. I mean, come on. The dude's old, drives a peach Beemer, and he's bald. He even had his bike stolen.

Who's ass is he going to kick? One of the Care Bears, maybe.

FAX · 01-16-2007, 07:06 PM

Why would he do that, Mr. Simplex3?

Is Mr. Rain Man some kind of gorilla lover? Likes big hairy guys with short bowed legs? Hanging out in the trees picking lice off his buddies? Doing the crazy gorilla dance in the African moonlight? Playing hide the banana? We're talking gorilla trapping here, not some wacky ass, save the species, environmentalist, tree kissing, oh-look-at-the-nice-gorilla-honey-through-your-binoculars kind of sport.

FAX

01-16-2007, 05:48 PM
FAX testing ... 1, 2, 3 Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Tennessee Casino cash: $6753759	Gorilla Trapping. Well, here's the problem as I see it. Bananas might work, but gorillas in the wild aren't used to finding them just laying on the ground. Gorillas are likely genetically inclined to climbing trees for those and distrustful of earth-bound bananas. Alternatively, using a sexually attractive female gorilla for bait is a possibility. Unfortunately, selecting an attractive female gorilla is difficult at best, I mean, how can you tell what a gorilla looks for in a girl? Flat nose? Sloping forehead? Then, there's the problem of the trapping device itself. Do you use a big net and sling up the gorilla with snare ropes when he comes by? Or, do you use a bamboo box trap hung from the trees and drop it on the bugger? How fast are gorillas anyway? Anybody know? The one thing you don't want is an almost trapped, pissed off gorilla looking for the big joker that tried to catch him in a box. I know that you, the Planeteers, are men of science and are well versed in the ways of metalurgy, explosives, and sexual tension. So, I figured that, if a guy wants to know how to trap a gorilla, this would be the best place to start. To that end, please advise as to the methods you would employ and thanks. FAX Disclaimers: Sorry if repost.
Posts: 44,492

01-16-2007, 06:19 PM	#16
FAX testing ... 1, 2, 3 Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Tennessee Casino cash: $6753759	Maybe we could get 3 or 4 guys to dress up in Gorilla outfits and start playing the DVD version of CSI-Miami, 2nd edition. And, when the Gorilla sees how much fun they're having, he comes over to join in the game. Then, when he's busy trying to figure out how to get the remote control to contact the forensics team for clues, we cover his head with a pillow case real fast, handcuff his hands behind his back, and just walk him out of the forest nice and slow. FAX
Posts: 44,492

01-16-2007, 06:21 PM	#19
KurtCobain legend Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Independence, MO Casino cash: $-3337903	I'm thinking Damon Huard could do it.
Posts: 28,544

01-16-2007, 06:30 PM	#21
FAX testing ... 1, 2, 3 Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Tennessee Casino cash: $6753759	It might just be possible, if we could spot the gorilla from the air, to send a select team of sky divers down on his position and slap lots of double sided sticky tape on him. Then, we wait. After a few days, the gorilla is so covered with leaves and sticks and mud and gorilla poo that all we have to do is offer him a shower and he'll come with us voluntarily. FAX
Posts: 44,492

01-16-2007, 06:34 PM	#22
RJ Supporter Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: In a shotgun shack Casino cash: $9895202	Acme Gorilla Trap -O-Matic. Kit includes: 1 wooden gorilla crate, one size fits all. 1 50 foot rope. 6 plastic bananas 1 life-size Jane Goodall cardboard poster 4 AA batteries 1 rubber gorilla poop Map of Africa George of the Jungle audio cassette Trap -O-Matic is 100% guaranteed. If you're not satisfied with the results within 30 days they'll give you a full refund. The product is endorsed by such notable celebrities as Wile E Coyote, Foghorn Leghorn and Mr Drysdale from the Beverly Hillbillies.
Posts: 14,938

01-16-2007, 06:34 PM	#23
Zebedee DuBois Veteran Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: floating in a tin can Casino cash: $-1794801	Using the adage, "Monkey see, monkey do." Situate two identidal cages in the jungle. Put on a gorilla suit. Get the target gorilla to ape your actions. Walk inside one cage and close the door. The target gorilla will walk inside his cage and shut the door. Walla! __________________ What am I even doing here?
Posts: 3,934

01-16-2007, 06:56 PM	#27
Simplex3 MVP Join Date: Sep 2003 Casino cash: $10004900	You guys do know that RainMan is going to come in here and kick all of your asses, right?
Posts: 28,527

01-16-2007, 07:06 PM	#30
FAX testing ... 1, 2, 3 Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Tennessee Casino cash: $6753759	Why would he do that, Mr. Simplex3? Is Mr. Rain Man some kind of gorilla lover? Likes big hairy guys with short bowed legs? Hanging out in the trees picking lice off his buddies? Doing the crazy gorilla dance in the African moonlight? Playing hide the banana? We're talking gorilla trapping here, not some wacky ass, save the species, environmentalist, tree kissing, oh-look-at-the-nice-gorilla-honey-through-your-binoculars kind of sport. FAX
Posts: 44,492