Other women.

[Micjones]

I had a discussion last night with my girlfriend about a relationship dilemma one of her closest friends is faced with. These kinds of conversations often serve as firestarters. If a man is too candid he can often represent an opinion that will be superimposed onto his own relationship.

So the two of us were talking about the process of a man "settling down".

I told her about a song I'd been listening to that gives the male perspective of this process. A skit preceded the song. In that skit a man lays out his account of how men always wrestle with the urge to sleep with other women. It was an "inside" conversation. The language was brash, but it was something most men could identify and stand in agreement with. Needless to say, she was repulsed by the idea that men are often desirous of other women. So now I'm in an odd position of having to answer to her about my own desires. I think women have these heart-warming ideas that a man who has committed himself to her no longer has an eye for other women. I think that's patently false.

Gents when you settled down to a monogamous relationship...
Was that a by-product of having sewn your oats or are you simply managing the urge to sleep with other women?

In taking to older male friends I've been told time and time again that the desire to be with other women never goes away...you just manage it for fidelity's sake.

True or false?

[Predarat]

Originally Posted by Phobia

I prefer to subscribe to the 48 hour rule but when the wife and I first started going to church several years ago, she heard the 72 hour rule during a break-out session at a marriage conference and has followed it closely ever since. I added the missionary portion.

I prefer the 24 hour rule, but 48 is a good compromise. 72 is stetching it. Any more then that is an F-.

Originally Posted by KC Tattoo

I think a person has to be happy with themselves before they can make any one else happy &

There's a lot of truth here.

it's impossible to understand women so just love them as they are or leave them that way you don't become a miserable smuck.

I think if you work at it, you'll gain a better understanding of why women do the stuff they do. We men do some screwy stuff too - and they have to figure out why we do our stupid things too.

Disagree with the leaving part. I believe if you consider that an option at any point, then your relationship is doomed anyway.

[Micjones]

Originally Posted by Phobia

Nothing wrong with being honest about it. Many women are secure enough and mature enough to understand and accept a man's primal urge. It's a daily battle for us as most reasonable people know. But it might not be the thing she needs to hear from YOU. You just have to figure out what she's able to hear and not hear. It's a lifelong quest in figuring those things out. How long you been with this girl?

If I had worded it that clumsily I'd understand.
If I had given my own personal account of my struggles with fidelity...I'd understand.

This came on the back of me talking, in general terms, about someone else's relationship.
And the dealbreaker was her hearing this very "inside" male conversation about the subject.

[Nzoner]

Originally Posted by Phobia

I prefer to subscribe to the 48 hour rule but when the wife and I first started going to church several years ago, she heard the 72 hour rule during a break-out session at a marriage conference and has followed it closely ever since. I added the missionary portion.

Not to be overly nosey but does she instigate?

I only ask because we went to a few of those conferences and I could've swore I heard it's a two way street,the woman needs to let the man know he is also still desired and therefore take the wheel once in a while.

Originally Posted by Predarat

I prefer the 24 hour rule, but 48 is a good compromise. 72 is stetching it. Any more then that is an F-.

For people who have been married longer than a couple years, every 72 hours would be a huge improvement. I have a neighbor who gets it about once a month. I've had friends who get it 2-3x a year. I've known married couples who don't do it for a year or more. That is just not cutting it at all. I don't think I've ever gone more than a week - even when my marriage wasn't quite as good as it is now.

[DaKCMan AP]

Originally Posted by aturnis

Bullshit. You don't Look at other women? Riiiiight. Bet you stop watching porn altogether too, but huh?

Where did I say I don't look at other women? Seeing a woman and noticing/acknowledging she's attractive is not the same thing as desiring to bang her.

Originally Posted by Micjones

If I had worded it that clumsily I'd understand.
If I had given my own personal account of my struggles with fidelity...I'd understand.

This came on the back of me talking, in general terms, about someone else's relationship.
And the dealbreaker was her hearing this very "inside" male conversation about the subject.

She sounds pretty insecure. Might work out in your favor if you play your cards right.

[Pants]

Originally Posted by Phobia

We men do some screwy stuff too - and they have to figure out why we do our stupid things too.

Examples, please.

[stevieray]

Originally Posted by Phobia

I think you skipped something in his post. That's the way he wrote it - in that order.

intentionally..that first part makes the other parts a non-issue.

hence 'partially disagree'

[ChiefFripp]

It's rare if not impossible to find a significant other who you can be totally honest and open with. Most of the woman I have dated have been hypocrites when it comes to looking at other people ect. They hate it when I do it but get upset and call me jealous or insecure when I point out they're doing it. People are genetically programmed to look for mating partners and them genetics run deep.

Originally Posted by Nzoner

Not to be overly nosey but does she instigate?

I only ask because we went to a few of those conferences and I could've swore I heard it's a two way street,the woman needs to let the man know he is also still desired and therefore take the wheel once in a while.

You know my wife. She's a very strong and assertive woman. If tonight is not the night, I can change her mind once in about 10 times. I learned that early so I don't even try on 10% odds any longer. I'd go almost every night but obviously that's not incredibly realistic when you've been married 10 years so we've kind of figured out non-verbally when it's "on". If we didn't do it last night, I'll make a move. If we didn't do it last night or the night before, I know we're on unless I've been a dick that day. Heh.

Originally Posted by Pants

Examples, please.

Well, the key one is that we have to feel respected. If we feel disrespected for any reason then we turn into pathetic children. Respect isn't nearly as important to women so they don't understand why it is so integral to our existence.

[suds79]

Micjones. The mistake you made was talking about that or any urge.

Honestly what good does it serve to share that? Nothing.

Words of wisdom:
"I've never been hurt by something I didn't say." - Calvin Coolidge

Originally Posted by stevieray

intentionally..that first part makes the other parts a non-issue.

hence 'partially disagree'

Oh - I get it now.

[Pants]

Originally Posted by Phobia

Well, the key one is that we have to feel respected. If we feel disrespected for any reason then we turn into pathetic children. Respect isn't nearly as important to women so they don't understand why it is so integral to our existence.

Ahh, makes sense. Also, I learned from you a long time ago to fight the urge to fix their problems when they come complaining to us about their stupid shit at work. It's so hard to just sit and listen and nod and agree. ARGHHHH!