Other women.

[Micjones]

I had a discussion last night with my girlfriend about a relationship dilemma one of her closest friends is faced with. These kinds of conversations often serve as firestarters. If a man is too candid he can often represent an opinion that will be superimposed onto his own relationship.

So the two of us were talking about the process of a man "settling down".

I told her about a song I'd been listening to that gives the male perspective of this process. A skit preceded the song. In that skit a man lays out his account of how men always wrestle with the urge to sleep with other women. It was an "inside" conversation. The language was brash, but it was something most men could identify and stand in agreement with. Needless to say, she was repulsed by the idea that men are often desirous of other women. So now I'm in an odd position of having to answer to her about my own desires. I think women have these heart-warming ideas that a man who has committed himself to her no longer has an eye for other women. I think that's patently false.

Gents when you settled down to a monogamous relationship...
Was that a by-product of having sewn your oats or are you simply managing the urge to sleep with other women?

In taking to older male friends I've been told time and time again that the desire to be with other women never goes away...you just manage it for fidelity's sake.

True or false?

[Amnorix]

Originally Posted by Phobia

For people who have been married longer than a couple years, every 72 hours would be a huge improvement. I have a neighbor who gets it about once a month. I've had friends who get it 2-3x a year. I've known married couples who don't do it for a year or more. That is just not cutting it at all. I don't think I've ever gone more than a week - even when my marriage wasn't quite as good as it is now.

I have a brother-in-law in the same situation.

To me, that's not married, that's having a roomie...

[durtyrute]

Originally Posted by Micjones

To some degree this is dead on.
I thought I could have a grown up conversation with my lady and be candid about what men go through.
Now I realize that one other part of making a relationship work is lying to keep the peace.

That is almost rule number one. It sucks because they tell you "just be honest, all I want is honesty" Then one day they ask if you think their friend is hot, you say yea, and it's on like donky kong. They want the fairytale. They can't handle the fact that most men love to look at, dream about and picture themselves ****ing other women.

[Predarat]

Originally Posted by Amnorix

I have a brother-in-law in the same situation.

To me, that's not married, that's having a roomie...

Its actually more like imprisonment.

[trndobrd]

Originally Posted by Omega

Find a girl who likes threesomes. PROBLEM SOLVED.

"Threesomes" can mean different things to different folks. You might want to be more specific, or your problem won't be solved at all.

[Micjones]

Originally Posted by durtyrute

That is almost rule number one. It sucks because they tell you "just be honest, all I want is honesty" Then one day they ask if you think their friend is hot, you say yea, and it's on like donky kong. They want the fairytale. They can't handle the fact that most men love to look at, dream about and picture themselves ****ing other women.

If that were the situation I'd been in it'd be different.
Because that would be giving my personal opinion of my own tastes in women.

This wasn't even about my personal views.
This was about another guy (and girl) entirely.

I wish I could talk to this guy...I'd call him an asshole for getting ME in trouble!

[Skyy God]

Originally Posted by Micjones

I concur. This is what I tried to explain, but the idea that the desire is ever even there sent her over the edge.

Your wife has warped, unrealistic expectations. Good luck with that.

[Amnorix]

Threads like this remind me that I'm married to the perfect woman. We are absolutely honest, and (since she had no brothers and no prior relationships), it took a while to educate her on men and what they're about. Luckily, we trust each other completely, and neither would ever betray that trust.

99% of what guys on here bitch about regarding their women doesn't apply to my wife (see Frazod thread regarding things your wife does that drives you insane). And stuff like this -- she understands (now) that men instictively drool over attractive women, but that most men (and certainly me, which is all she cares about) can keep it zipped.

[Amnorix]

Originally Posted by Pittsie

Your wife has warped, unrealistic expectations. Good luck with that.

Agreed. She doesn't seem to understand men.

Marriages will be healthier and happier if you understand what the other sex is about, how they operate, and what is realistic/unrealistic to expect.

[Amnorix]

Originally Posted by Predarat

Its actually more like imprisonment.

Seriously. I told my wife that if my brother-in-law steps out, I wouldn't be surprised, nor would I blame him to be honest.

Originally Posted by eazyb81

Phobia when can I sign up for your marriage seminar? You need to write a book dude.

Hahahaha - yeah. No. It's easy to know what you should do. It's completely something different to execute. I'm probably a lot better husband than I used to be but I'm always screwing something up. I'm very blessed to have a wife who really wants to be with me and is willing to train me for life.

[Nzoner]

Originally Posted by Phobia

Hahahaha - yeah. No. It's easy to know what you should do. It's completely something different to execute. I'm probably a lot better husband than I used to be but I'm always screwing something up. I'm very blessed to have a wife who really wants to be with me and is willing to train me for life.

I'm sure she enjoys using the shock collar more than she'll ever let on.

[durtyrute]

Originally Posted by Micjones

If that were the situation I'd been in it'd be different.
Because that would be giving my personal opinion of my own tastes in women.

This wasn't even about my personal views.
This was about another guy (and girl) entirely.

I wish I could talk to this guy...I'd call him an asshole for getting ME in trouble!

[Hammock Parties]

Originally Posted by trndobrd

"Threesomes" can mean different things to different folks. You might want to be more specific, or your problem won't be solved at all.

This guy is a good columnist. People are different. If we can accept gay couples we should certainly accept this variety of relationship.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/S...e?oid=11412386

"You know lots of couples who have had three-ways and flings who aren't divorced," I told the skeptics a few weeks ago, "you just don't know you know them."

In an effort to introduce the skeptics to some happily monogamish couples, I invited coupled people who'd had successful flings, affairs, three-ways, and swinging experiences to write in and share their stories.

The response was overwhelming—I may do a book—and I'm turning over the rest of this week's column to their stories.

[sedated]

Originally Posted by Micjones

If I'd spoken explicitly about my desires I'd agree.
That's NOT what happened. We were talking about another couple entirely.
And I spoke about the process of a man settling down.

Originally Posted by Micjones

This wasn't even about my personal views.
This was about another guy (and girl) entirely.

Doesn’t matter. Talking in hypotheticals is still going to be reflected onto you. She was (subconsciously) waiting for you to say one thing, and focused solely on that once it was out of the bag.

[Micjones]

Originally Posted by Pittsie

Your wife has warped, unrealistic expectations. Good luck with that.

We're not married...yet.