need advice with family issue

[patteeu]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

It seems to me like he shouldn't push you out of your own family. Just go and keep your distance from him. Your mother will eventually have to be the one who makes the final call on the guy, and you can't control that.

I like this approach best of the ones posted so far. As long as your mother wants him there, I don't know why you (tooge, not Rain Man) think it's a good thing to put her in a position of having to choose between the two of you.

[htismaqe]

Originally Posted by patteeu

I like this approach best of the ones posted so far. As long as your mother wants him there, I don't know why you (tooge, not Rain Man) think it's a good thing to put her in a position of having to choose between the two of you.

Because she is going to HAVE to choose.

We're not talking about love, we're talking about ABUSE.

There is no "choice" here.

[patteeu]

Originally Posted by htismaqe

Because she is going to HAVE to choose.

We're not talking about love, we're talking about ABUSE.

There is no "choice" here.

That's a pretty patronizing position to take. We're talking about the word "abuse" (actually "verbal abuse") but you don't have any idea what that means (and neither do I), so let's not go off half-cocked. I suspect that tooge's mom is old enough to make her own relationship decisions.

I think it's good that this guy knows that tooge is aware of whatever it is that his mother has told him, but I don't see what good it does for tooge to take a harder line than his mother does at this point unless his goal is to cause his mother grief.

[htismaqe]

Originally Posted by patteeu

That's a pretty patronizing position to take. We're talking about the word "abuse" (actually "verbal abuse") but you don't have any idea what that means (and neither do I), so let's not go off half-cocked. I suspect that tooge's mom is old enough to make her own relationship decisions.

I think it's good that this guy knows that tooge is aware of whatever it is that his mother has told him, but I don't see what good it does for tooge to take a harder line than his mother does at this point unless his goal is to cause his mother grief.

So your suggesting that he appease her and allow it to continue to happen, even though he doesn't approve?

I'm guessing his MOTHER raised him better than that.

[patteeu]

Originally Posted by htismaqe

So your suggesting that he appease her and allow it to continue to happen, even though he doesn't approve?

I'm guessing his MOTHER raised him better than that.

Allow what to continue to happen?

[htismaqe]

Originally Posted by patteeu

Allow what to continue to happen?

Abuse.

[patteeu]

Originally Posted by htismaqe

Abuse.

And by "abuse", what do you mean?

[tooge]

Originally Posted by patteeu

I like this approach best of the ones posted so far. As long as your mother wants him there, I don't know why you (tooge, not Rain Man) think it's a good thing to put her in a position of having to choose between the two of you.

Well, I don't trust him, and I'm not the one that caused all of this, so why should I have to "choose" to go and be uncomfortable just to be at thanksgiving for my mom. The guy knows how I feel, and if I were him, I'd stay away for a day or two and give the rest of us some time. Of course, I don't beat women either.

[patteeu]

Originally Posted by tooge

Well, I don't trust him, and I'm not the one that caused all of this, so why should I have to "choose" to go and be uncomfortable just to be at thanksgiving for my mom. The guy knows how I feel, and if I were him, I'd stay away for a day or two and give the rest of us some time. Of course, I don't beat women either.

You would be there right? Are you worried that he might overpower you and light into your mom or your kids while you're licking your wounds? This just has the ring of rationalization to me. Your mom didn't take your advice and it irks you. If you're too uncomfortable, then by all means stay home. But let's be clear that you're putting your feelings ahead of your mom's if you make that choice.

If this guy is really a serious, imminent threat to your mom or anyone who shows up at Thanksgiving, then maybe you and your siblings should be holding an intervention instead of worrying about where to have Thanksgiving.

[tooge]

Originally Posted by patteeu

You would be there right? Are you worried that he might overpower you and light into your mom or your kids while you're licking your wounds? This just has the ring of rationalization to me. Your mom didn't take your advice and it irks you. If you're too uncomfortable, then by all means stay home. But let's be clear that you're putting your feelings ahead of your mom's if you make that choice.

If this guy is really a serious, imminent threat to your mom or anyone who shows up at Thanksgiving, then maybe you and your siblings should be holding an intervention instead of worrying about where to have Thanksgiving.

Nah, I'm not worried about danger to my family or anything like that. I'm hoping the guy gets help. I'm just not over it yet, and I don't think a person changes in 4 weeks. Not worried about being overpowered either. I wish my mother could see it from my side.

[Amnorix]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

It seems to me like he shouldn't push you out of your own family. Just go and keep your distance from him. Your mother will eventually have to be the one who makes the final call on the guy, and you can't control that.

Originally Posted by patteeu

I like this approach best of the ones posted so far. As long as your mother wants him there, I don't know why you (tooge, not Rain Man) think it's a good thing to put her in a position of having to choose between the two of you.

I'm with these two.