So this jaust happened...

[rabblerouser]

Originally Posted by scho63

No pussy is worth that kind of drama.

However from your past stories you do seem to be a Crazy Chick Magnet.

I had a lot of toxicity of my own I had to deal with, and once I started processing all the childhood shit, it wasn't the hugest step to get out of the whole "look at what those ****ed up females did to me!?" victimstance. Like, what did I EXPECT out of them? I deluded myself into thinking she was a whore with a heart of gold but in reality she had your regular old basic cold ass whore's heart.

It was MY fault. I put myself in that position.

Gold Star wanted to marry me, but I wouldn't commit, my unprocessed trauma ruined that. I didn't deal with it, wouldn't process it.

My grandma who raised me died. I wouldn't process it.

Fun Bags never wanted to, like, marry me...but she genuinely liked me and wanted me to grow and there were issues....and I wouldn't even talk to her about them.

So when it ended, and I was hurt, it was foreign because I was used to feeling NOTHING. This was painful, and I had been conditioned since childhood to ignore pain.

So I ignored it and ran into the Superfreak buzzsaw aka Crazy Town.

I had no business being in a relationship with ANYONE, but especially not her. But I was just running from pain.

Now I know not to run from pain. Just sit in it. Allow it to happen. It hurt because I cared. And it's okay to care. It's GOOD to care about someone that much. Not a weakness.

So, Funbags will probably hurt me again. She hurts me now, because we are keeping our distance, and it totally hurts. But I know it's necessary, because I'm still healing. And she's probably going to hurt me in the future. Or someone else will, eventually. I accept that. I'm so sensitive, everything hurts me anyway. Might as well be her. Pain is inevitable; it's suffering that is the choice. I no longer choose to suffer.

But I am 100% accountable for the action I made that put me in that position, and I have completely changed my life over the past year :

Got divorced
Moved back to Columbia
Quit drinking
Quit eating processed foods/gluten
Hot yoga almost every day
In an intensive therapy program

And I go to school/work and have an internship and a band.

My relationships with everyone are better than ever.

People can honestly see how much better I am and how much happier I am.

My boss had me watch her 10 month old daughter last week.

When my best friend got married in OP, this GIANT ass house with all the kids from the wedding party... I stayed with the kids and watched the house when they went to the hotel after the reception. My friend let me use his brand new Dodge Ram pickup to go move a bed frame. Just left the keys in the cup holder.
These things probably don't happen a year ago.

I've grown so much from everythimg that it's downright visible, people can SEE it. And they're responding.