Do you ever feel like a disappointment?

[TLO]

A bit of a more serious thread for our Sunday night.

Do you ever feel like a disappointment to;
To your family?
Your friends
Significant other?
Other people you care about?

Just a little background.

I would consider myself to be at least somewhat successful in life. I graduated high school, got my Bachelor's degree, and I make a positive impact on people's lives each day. I would say that I'm generally a good person. I help people when I can. I treat all people I interact with kindness. Am I perfect? No. But who is?

I've been having this nagging feeling that I'm not good enough for the people around me. It's not a fun feeling.

Anyone else experience anything like this?

[|Zach|]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

They believe that I should live in their town, doing an old-economy job that they understand and relate to. I would also be unmarried so I could spend all my time serving them, and I would have their exact hobbies and no other.

This is not speculation.

Wild to think that people labor under the idea they can craft the destiny of their child so rigidly.

[scho63]

The day I stopped worrying about what others thought about me made me incredibly content.

No matter what I did in life, zero ****s given since we are all very flawed human beings.

My goal has always been to never maliciously hurt anyone, especially my family and friends.

[Jewish Rabbi]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

They believe that I should live in their town, doing an old-economy job that they understand and relate to. I would also be unmarried so I could spend all my time serving them, and I would have their exact hobbies and no other.

This is not speculation.

I bet they were pissed you drove a German car, especially an apricot one.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by loochy

Every single day. I might seem successful on the outside to others, but my job, while paying extremely well, is a soulless existence as a cog in a massive corporation that profits from the suffering and destruction of fellow humans. I can't just drink the koolaid like everyone else and hide behind "patriotism", "freedom", "our troops". I was pointed out at a very early age as an intellectually gifted individual and I've come nowhere close to realizing my potential, and at my age it's too late to make a major change, as my family depends on me. I've failed myself. I've failed my family because I want them to be proud of what I do, but I'm not even proud of what I do.

I think we all have dreams of being that 1 in a million great person. Most of us aren't going to get there for reasons outside our control, or because the risk of trying is not a good, rational decision. For someone who's bright, there's a pretty straightforward and low-risk path to success. That success may not be the 1 in a million type, but it's actually the smart decision to choose a high likelihood of being in the 90th percentile versus rolling the dice at great risk to be in the 99.9th percentile.

Back in 1999, I had a career crossroads. I was interested in being a professional writer and the world's greatest novelist. Simultaneously, I started a market research company to keep the bills paid. I actually was having early signs of success in writing, but the odds of getting rich at it were low, and the odds were pretty good that I would enjoy that work while living under an overpass. In the meantime, the research company took off and I enjoyed the work. So I put the writing aside - the theoretical ceiling was really high, but the odds of reaching it were low. The research company had a high floor and I eventually learned that it had a pretty good ceiling as well.

It's a bummer that I'm not a world-famous novelist, but it's been a good 25 years running the company, and it was the right decision. Now that I'm moving toward retirement I'm picking up the writing again and we'll see if I can knock Mark Twain and Leo Tolstoy off that pedestal.

[Titty Meat]

No but you're younger than I am eventually you'll learn to cut people out if the vibe ain't right

[Vladimir_Kyrilytch]

Originally Posted by Katipan

Why would you get punished for cross promoting a thread but not a forum?
What’s the ****ing difference?

That was a reference to reddit, which we were talking about in other, previous threads.

You gotta stay pretty in-tuned to Chiefs Planet to get all the Chiefs Planet references, my good Rastifarian friend.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by |Zach|

Wild to think that people labor under the idea they can craft the destiny of their child so rigidly.

It took me a long time to figure them out. I don't think they're evil or overly controlling. I think the issue is that they merely have a very narrow view of the world, and have a masssive aversion to trying anything new. In their world, it's a bad idea to ever try anything that's unfamiliar to them, and my whole life is unfamilar to them.

Of course, it doesn't help that I grew up with eight cousins and I'm the only one who lives outside Missouri. So that makes my life path even more of an outlier, which in their minds solidifies their skepticism about me. I've flat-out been told that they're disappointed in how I turned out.

But it's really kind of ridiculous. My most telling story is that I got my undergraduate degree in aerospace engineering, and as I was interviewing for jobs, my mother argued that I should stay in town and get a minimum-wage job at the local lumberyard.

In light of the lumberyard story and some other really bad events, I eventually figured out that my parents consistently acted against my best interests for their own reasons, so I had to learn to ignore them. This isn't well received by them and causes friction.

Thanks for the therapy session.

[|Zach|]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

It took me a long time to figure them out. I don't think they're evil or overly controlling. I think the issue is that they merely have a very narrow view of the world, and have a masssive aversion to trying anything new. In their world, it's a bad idea to ever try anything that's unfamiliar to them, and my whole life is unfamilar to them.

Of course, it doesn't help that I grew up with eight cousins and I'm the only one who lives outside Missouri. So that makes my life path even more of an outlier, which in their minds solidifies their skepticism about me. I've flat-out been told that they're disappointed in how I turned out.

But it's really kind of ridiculous. My most telling story is that I got my undergraduate degree in aerospace engineering, and as I was interviewing for jobs, my mother argued that I should stay in town and get a minimum-wage job at the local lumberyard.

In light of the lumberyard story and some other really bad events, I eventually figured out that my parents consistently acted against my best interests for their own reasons, so I had to learn to ignore them. This isn't well received by them and causes friction.

Thanks for the therapy session.

Impressive you were able to break out of that small bubble...what do you attribute that to? Was there some outside influence?

[stumppy]

Originally Posted by Vladimir_Kyrilytch

Yeah, it usually involves some wack "pronoun" like "they" and "she/they" and "their/them" and yes, there are plant and cat based pronouns, and yes, they'll cancel ya if you don't learn em. Next time you talk to those fine folks, teach them how words work, and then I can talk to them using words. Until then, they'll be mad at my words.

Somebody lives in their own made up bubble. Often referred to as Fruitlooptopia.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by |Zach|

Impressive you were able to break out of that small bubble...what do you attribute that to? Was there some outside influence?

Honestly, I view it as my greatest life accomplishment. I had to fight my way out of that situation, and it's painful to come to the conclusion that your own parents are trying to undermine you.

I don't know if there was something in particular that helped me. I had a habit of developing friendships with very capable and motivated people, and they were to a great extent my mentors. But I think another big factor was the fact that my parents weren't thriving and I didn't want their life. It didn't take a genius to see that there were better paths, and the fact that they didn't want me to pursue those paths was telling.

[TwistedChief]

Yeah. You want an honest answer: I’ve had plenty of success in all facets of life but the second I falter in any category I feel like some level of a failure. I feel like I’ve gotten to where I am because I outwork people, am a perfectionist, and hold myself to the highest of standards. So when I have a year in my career where I feel as if I’ve underperformed my peer group or feel like my personal relationships are suffering, I inevitably feel like a bit of a disappointment.

And it happens and it’s fine but that’s the beauty of life and having grit. You’ll never appreciate the good times as much if you haven’t had those moments of insecurity and feeling like you’ve let others down.

So, yeah, use the fuel of occasionally feeling like a disappointment to motivate better things. As long as you can do that, you’re in good shape.

[mr. tegu]

Originally Posted by loochy

Every single day. I might seem successful on the outside to others, but my job, while paying extremely well, is a soulless existence as a cog in a massive corporation that profits from the suffering and destruction of fellow humans. I can't just drink the koolaid like everyone else and hide behind "patriotism", "freedom", "our troops". I was pointed out at a very early age as an intellectually gifted individual and I've come nowhere close to realizing my potential, and at my age it's too late to make a major change, as my family depends on me. I've failed myself. I've failed my family because I want them to be proud of what I do, but I'm not even proud of what I do.

If your family is proud of who you are, the father/husband, that’s what matters and where true meaning comes from. Happiness comes and goes. It’s fleeting, changing with the wind. Meaning is forever and is what everyone truly needs. You may not be happy day to day in work or proud or what you do there, but that does not a factor in who you are to the most important people around you.

And be careful with concepts like potential. It’s ambiguous and undefinable and “reaching it” is often impossible as it creates expectations one would never think to choose for themself.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by TwistedChief

Yeah. You want an honest answer: I’ve had plenty of success in all facets of life but the second I falter in any category I feel like some level of a failure. I feel like I’ve gotten to where I am because I outwork people, am a perfectionist, and hold myself to the highest of standards. So when I have a year in my career where I feel as if I’ve underperformed my peer group or feel like my personal relationships are suffering, I inevitably feel like a bit of a disappointment.

And it happens and it’s fine but that’s the beauty of life and having grit. You’ll never appreciate the good times as much if you haven’t had those moments of insecurity and feeling like you’ve let others down.

So, yeah, use the fuel of occasionally feeling like a disappointment to motivate better things. As long as you can do that, you’re in good shape.

It's a good point. Life has ebbs and flows, so it's really unlikely that life will always feel like a success. At best, it's a sawtooth pattern with a general upward direction.

[bluehawkdoc]

https://youtu.be/tHxip2x-PLc

[Vladimir_Kyrilytch]

Thanks man a weird undescribed youtube link from a poster no one has ever heard from is what this thread was missing. Thanks again.