The Herm Edwards Bible

[Direckshun]

Here's a boom-or-bust, 400-post or 0-post thread for bored Chiefs fans.

I think we can all agree Herm Edwards is far more straightforward in his football philosophies than most coaches.

Well submit your axioms that you honestly believe that Herm Edwards follows when it comes to building a football team, and hark!, I shalt do mine best to incorporate them into a two- or three-book mini-Bible, written in the holiest of prose, and constantly adapting to incorporate your newly-added Commandments.

The axioms can relate to offense, defense, leadership, game strategies, team chemistry, public speaking, his own personal history ("and Dungy begat Edwards") -- whatever you can reasonably relate to Herm. The more the better, I would ideally like this to be a good-sized Good Book.

A couple serious axioms I can think up off the top of my head (I figure you folks won't have any trouble thinking up punchlines) would be like the following:

• Thou shalt build thy teams through the Draft.
• Thou shalt draft Best Player Available.
• Thou shalt not get things twisted.

Then I'll take your suggestions later and try to write out The New Testament Of Herm or whatever. The following is what I've got so far for this gloriously makeshift Holy Word.

The Book of Herm

Chapter 1

1 In 1978, year of our Lord, the Ancient Giants found themselves ensconced in a comfortable lead in the waning seconds of a 17-12 victory over thine Golden Eagles upon the gridiron of the Meadowlands. 2 All that stood between themselves and victory was a 3rd-and-2 kneel-down to kill off the remaining seconds off the clock. 3 But in those crucial seconds that echo throughout the Heavens and the Earth, there would be no kneel-down. 5 Instead, a Miracle reared itself, as the Lord slipped the ball from the hands of Pisarcik, and from this Immaculate Separation doth borne Herman Edwards. 6 To be known among God’s children as “Herm,” he made good work of the Lord’s blessing, hauling the fumbled treasure 26-yards for a defensive touchdown and a 19-17 shocker. Prodigy was borne this day.

7 Truly infused in the mind of this man of football was a dedication to all that is righteous and outspoken. 8 Herm would grow into a head coach and spiritual learner of this most holiest of sports, enduring trials and tribulations in the strange lands of Tampa Bay and New York, before riding into Arrowhead, the Lord’s Promised Land, on the back of a 4th round pick.

9 His words would ring throughout the press, enlightening and befuddling a city that continued to worship the false idol Dick Vermeil. 10 He implored to his newfound flock that they misunderstood what a successful organization looked like. That they, in fact, knew not what they do.

11 And upon Arrowhead Drive he stood in a snappy sweater vest, and thus began Herman’s Sermon on the Mount. 12 A truer test of character the world had never known.

[HemiEd]

Originally Posted by RunRunPassPunt

For it is written that he who hath the right forearm of three men, shall bring forth the glory.

The forearm didn't look that big to me, how about you?

Were those the worst announcers ever, for a Chiefs game?

I don't know how many times they couldn't make a correct first down call, even with the aid of the yellow line. They were horrible.

[picasso]

And not on the last day, but at thy end of the day he rested. Knowing full well his flock was flucked.

[Bob Dole]

Originally Posted by HemiEd

The forearm didn't look that big to me, how about you?

Were those the worst announcers ever, for a Chiefs game?

I don't know how many times they couldn't make a correct first down call, even with the aid of the yellow line. They were horrible.

That's an Indianapolis first down right there.

[HemiEd]

Originally Posted by Bob Dole

That's an Indianapolis first down right there.

You got it. It was clearly a yard short, in plain view! They just furthered the frustration level.

[KurtCobain]

How's this bible looking now?

[Big Chief Homer]

and behold as the seasons past and hard knocks fell apon the mighty city. Herm cast out the bearer of the mullet and took solice in knowing that the savior from the land of the bruin shall be forever known as the keeeker.

[KurtCobain]

A late night bump to remind us, as fans of a super bowl champion team, where we once came from.

[scho63]

Originally Posted by KurtCobain

A late night bump to remind us, as fans of a super bowl champion team, where we once came from.

In more ways than one.......

[displacedinMN]

Originally Posted by KurtCobain

A late night bump to remind us, as fans of a super bowl champion team, where we once came from.

I would like to wipe out any remembrance of him from this board.

[Bowser]

Oh man, when Buehler sees this thread....

[Frazod]

Originally Posted by Bowser

Oh man, when Buehler sees this thread....

That was my immediate thought as well.

[KurtCobain]

Originally Posted by displacedinMN

I would like to wipe out any remembrance of him from this board.

I love pain.

[KurtCobain]

Also, this thread is noteworthy because FAX goes beast mode in here.

[rabblerouser]

Originally Posted by FAX

And it came to pass after these things, that Carl did visit Herm, and sayeth unto him, Herm: behold, here I am and from my office have I come unto you and, lo, the media are angry and with loud voices do they decry the team. And neither do they repent they of their evil voicings, nor of their sorceries, nor of their fornication, nor of their blasphemous eating habits.

For their power is in their mouth, and in their microphones: and their scribes are like unto serpents, and doeth they strike at our livelihood, and with them do they injure attendance and the season tickets sales doest they grievous harm.

And to Herm it was given that Carl should not be tormented five months: for the torment of the media was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man in the groin and, woe, unto the penis itself do it striketh. And Carl said, Take now thy kicker, thine only kicker, whom I lovest, and get thee into the land of Waivers; and offer him there for an offering unto the media.

And Herm rose up early in the morning, and checketh he for the last time, and took with him his wife his trusted counselor, and Medlock his beloved kicker, and clave he to the Waiver Wire for the offering of which Carl had told him.

FAX

And the fifth angel sounded, and unto Herm the fifth angel did say, though you shall lose two-thirds of all thy games, you shall playeth to win thy games...

And to him it was given that they should not win them, but that they should be tormented five months by playing to win them: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man.

And in those days shall men seek playoffs, and shall not find it; and shall desire to win, and victory shall flee from them.

And they had a king over them, which is the angel of the bottomless pit, whose name in the Hebrew tongue is Abaddon, but in the Greek tongue hath his name Apollyon, and in English we called him King Carl.

Neither repented they of their losses, nor of their drafting of Glenn Dorsey, nor of their fornication of Chiefs fans souls, nor of their thefts of The Clark's family's money.

[Pitt Gorilla]