You Only Get Three Mains For Thanksgiving - Pick' em

[scho63]

Turkey w gravy, stuffing, mashed turnips.

[ptlyon]

Originally Posted by scho63

Turkey w gravy, stuffing, mashed turnips.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by ptlyon

Root vegetables are perhaps the most underrated food in America. A mix of roasted turnips, parsnips, and carrots is hard to beat.

[ptlyon]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Root vegetables are perhaps the most underrated food in America. A mix of roasted turnips, parsnips, and carrots is hard to beat.

Just never heard of that before.

I'll buy turnips at the farmers market and just eat them raw. Just trying to imagine what it would be like. Definitely be different, and probably better to me than mashed Taters, for me at least.

[Buehler445]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

Wait...can I force Prime Rib into this conversation? My old man did that once, it should count...

It better. It's what we do.

Mom would always make me cook the turkey. And I put in effort and figured it out. End up with a pretty good smoked turkey. I never got the super crispy skin down right, it wasn't a floppy mess, skin was good not great the rest was excellent. Then some how or another mom asked me about it, and I told her I didn't really like turkey. She was like totally shocked.

"WHAT You don't like turkey?"

"Nah, not really. I mean it's not the worst thing ever, but if I'm going to spend all day cooking I'd like to end up with something better than friggin turkey."

"How can you not like turkey?"

"Who actually likes turkey?"

"Well... I do?"

"More than something really good?"

"...

Why didn't you say anything?"

[thinks to myself, I do a mountain of shit I don't want to do for the holidays] "It's Thanksgiving I figured I'd get yelled at."

So then the next year she went and bought a ribeye roast (thinking it was a prime rib). Dry brined it for 36 hours, put it on the smoker to medium and if it wasn't the best thing I've ever turned out, it's gotta be right there. It was ****ing incredible.

So I've got some morons in my family that absolutely can't eat anything with pink, so I lopped the end off to give to a couple of them, and the others are all up there ****ing microwaving this ridiculously expensive piece of meat that is the pinnacle of my culinary skill. And to top it all off my sister is over there being the biggest **** imaginable, making puking noises and shit. Just being insufferable in the loudest possible way. All this incessant bitching because my mom spent ridiculous money to feed us all the best thing I've ever done.

I figured that was the end of that. So I asked my mom if she wanted to do something else because all the dumb****s that are too good for science (It's BLOOOOOOODY!!! ) just bitch incessantly. It was tough for me to listen to and I didn't drop the cash. But apparently she liked it because we're doing it, and apparenlty my nephew is doing a turkey for those that can't do actually food.

So yes. It counts.

Prime rib. Roasted Brussell Sprouts with some hate and fury. Home made dinner buns.

We aren't doing the sprouts or buns because it won't scale but it's the answer.

[DJ's left nut]

Originally Posted by Buehler445

I figured that was the end of that. So I asked my mom if she wanted to do something else because all the dumb****s that are too good for science (It's BLOOOOOOODY!!! ) just bitch incessantly. It was tough for me to listen to and I didn't drop the cash. But apparently she liked it because we're doing it, and apparenlty my nephew is doing a turkey for those that can't do actually food.

So yes. It counts.

Prime rib. Roasted Brussell Sprouts with some hate and fury. Home made dinner buns.

We aren't doing the sprouts or buns because it won't scale but it's the answer.

Sprouts scale up - just buy them pre-sliced. Otherwise you'll be doing that all day. But you can make a big ol' mess of those things. Remember to put them cut side UP so that the steam can escape as they cook - keeps 'em crisper on the outside.

As for the meat - cook it at higher heat. Low and slow gives you very little temperature gradient so you can have it at 132 degrees almost heel to heel. But if you cook it at a higher heat, the outside of the rost will be at 145 or so by the time the inside gets to that sweet spot. So then you can have some medium/well stuff AND some medium rare stuff.

I mean I won't do it because my family aren't a bunch of godless heathens that request medium beef. That's just horseshit. But it's how my mom always did it as a kid and we'd lose 1/3 of the roast to mediocrity.

(side note, I would also say that a ribeye roast is a prime rib. What's the distinction? A prime rib is just ribeyes that haven't been sliced yet; I guess maybe they de-boned it first?)

[Buehler445]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

Sprouts scale up - just buy them pre-sliced. Otherwise you'll be doing that all day. But you can make a big ol' mess of those things. Remember to put them cut side UP so that the steam can escape as they cook - keeps 'em crisper on the outside.

As for the meat - cook it at higher heat. Low and slow gives you very little temperature gradient so you can have it at 132 degrees almost heel to heel. But if you cook it at a higher heat, the outside of the rost will be at 145 or so by the time the inside gets to that sweet spot. So then you can have some medium/well stuff AND some medium rare stuff.

I mean I won't do it because my family aren't a bunch of godless heathens that request medium beef. That's just horseshit. But it's how my mom always did it as a kid and we'd lose 1/3 of the roast to mediocrity.

(side note, I would also say that a ribeye roast is a prime rib. What's the distinction? A prime rib is just ribeyes that haven't been sliced yet; I guess maybe they de-boned it first?)

RE: Sprouts
I cook them for 20 minutes on 450 with convection. I can get a couple sheet trays done, 3 if I use the other oven without convection, but the oven is so ****ing busy it just can't be tied up for 40 minutes.

I can process sprouts like a son of a bitch, I guess. Halving them takes me next to no time.

RE: Meat
No. I lopped the heel off for a couple of these jackasses, but it's just not worth it. My job is to optimize the pile of money mom spent on this thing.

Besides, they're over the top. There are like 4 or 5 of them that can have NO pink at all. One time I was grilling burgers for everyone and my jackass brother in law rolled up and was like "Woah man, you're pulling these at 160 (which is higher than I normally do)? I cook everything to 180 to be sure." I think the suggestion was that I should be doing this. While I was temping and pulling burgers I had to google up the table that says at 160 microbes die in 1 ****ing second. He then bumbled about that he didn't want to blah blah blah. And then I harassed him RELENTLESSLY. I was meaner than I should have been. "Look at this mother****er be too good for science." and "Nope USDA has nothing on him." Later he told me he cooked some hamburgers to 160 and they were way better but "I'll never eat anything with pink in it." I mean these asswipes are cooking PORK CHOPS to 170 and thinking they're solving the worlds problems. What they are doing do these poor protein fibers is criminal. This is the environment I'm operating in.

No. They get my best shot at decent food with out getting super wild. If that's not good enough, I'll provide some hot ass coals so their ignorant asses don't have to microwave it. That's the best I have.

RE: Cut
They're different. One year mom bought both and they were remarkably different and cooked much different. The ribeye roast was indeed unsliced ribeye, but the prime rib was much smaller and trimmed differently. I think it was from the back halfish of the ribeye where the spinalis is smaller and the eye is a consistent size, before the eye starts to shrink down. At least that's what she gave me from whatever butcher she bought it from.

I maybe could have trimmed the ribeye roast down to a similar size/shape as the prime rib roast, but I was going to have to cut off some really good shit, so I didn't do it. I just managed the cooks differently.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Buehler445

...

So I've got some morons in my family that absolutely can't eat anything with pink, so I lopped the end off to give to a couple of them, and the others are all up there ****ing microwaving this ridiculously expensive piece of meat that is the pinnacle of my culinary skill. And to top it all off my sister is over there being the biggest **** imaginable, making puking noises and shit. Just being insufferable in the loudest possible way. All this incessant bitching because my mom spent ridiculous money to feed us all the best thing I've ever done.

I figured that was the end of that. So I asked my mom if she wanted to do something else because all the dumb****s that are too good for science (It's BLOOOOOOODY!!! ) just bitch incessantly. It was tough for me to listen to and I didn't drop the cash. But apparently she liked it because we're doing it, and apparenlty my nephew is doing a turkey for those that can't do actually food.

That's a sign that you should start doing the holidays on your own.

[Buehler445]

Originally Posted by srvy

Wild Turkey is the cure for hatred of Turkey meat. You will never want a Butterball again.

I had to read this twice. I was trying to get the joke about booze.

[Buehler445]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

That's a sign that you should start doing the holidays on your own.

I agree. I'm alone in the sentiment though.

[Boise_Chief]

Originally Posted by Buehler445

And to top it all off my sister is over there being the biggest **** imaginable, making puking noises and shit. Just being insufferable in the loudest possible way.

I would have made a mess of that situation. I have a no bullshit attitude and would have gone off on her.

I have before when a family member speared a piece of sausage out of biscuits and gravy held it in front of my face and said what is that! That particular family member has learned to phrase questions better now.

[Buehler445]

Originally Posted by Boise_Chief

I would have made a mess of that situation. I have a no bullshit attitude and would have gone off on her.

I have before when a family member speared a piece of sausage out of biscuits and gravy held it in front of my face and said what is that! That particular family member has learned to phrase questions better now.

She’s not worth the effort. Nonetheless it’s tough to keep the hole in my face shut.

[JohnnyHammersticks]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Root vegetables are perhaps the most underrated food in America. A mix of roasted turnips, parsnips, and carrots is hard to beat.

Does that include beets? Because anyone who likes beets isn't a real human being. You're just not. I don't know what you are, but you're not a human being with human taste buds.

I'd eat a farting mouse's ass before I'd eat a beet.

Why spend money on beets when you can just go out in your backyard and get the exact same taste by eating a handful of dirt?

[scho63]

Originally Posted by JohnnyHammersticks

Does that include beets? Because anyone who likes beets isn't a real human being. You're just not. I don't know what you are, but you're not a human being with human taste buds.

I'd eat a farting mouse's ass before I'd eat a beet.

Why spend money on beets when you can just go out in your backyard and get the exact same taste by eating a handful of dirt?

I had grilled beets at Ortikia in Henderson last weekend. Was fantastic.

Look at this menu.....ORTIKIA MENU

[St. Patty's Fire]

Originally Posted by JohnnyHammersticks

Does that include beets? Because anyone who likes beets isn't a real human being. You're just not. I don't know what you are, but you're not a human being with human taste buds.

I'd eat a farting mouse's ass before I'd eat a beet.

Why spend money on beets when you can just go out in your backyard and get the exact same taste by eating a handful of dirt?

beets are definitely terrible. their best application is natural food dye