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Old 03-15-2008, 11:14 PM  
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
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Wanna see a picture of an idiot?
So...I'm on a plane tonght, and it's on United Airlines, which is a horrible, horrible mistake to start with. In my defense, I only flew on United because they gave me a $100 certificate in exchange for the last time they royally screwed up. Other than one more flight that I've already bought, never again on United Airlines. Never again.

I decide that I'd like to do a little work on the plane. It's practically impossible to do that in Economy since it's basically an Iron Maiden torture device, and if the person in front of you leans back, you can't open your laptop all the way. So I paid an extra $29 each to get United's "Economy Plus", which would be a good deal if United wasn't the most incompetent piece of feces that ever lost a suitcase.

Long story short, when the Sky Waitresses weren't looking, three people got up from Economy Class and came up to Economy Plus and sat down. An obese, slack-jawed, sissified low-achiever who, it is rumored, wet the bed until he was 20 and dresses like a woman on his days off (though I can't confirm that) made a big production out of picking a seat, and moved all of his stuff up from Economy. He picked the seat across the aisle from me.

I'm an easygoing guy. I really am. But stuff like this ticks me off. I just paid to upgrade, and these people cheated when the Sky Waitresses weren't looking. So I politely told the guy, "Just FYI, these seats cost more money. I don't think you can move up here."

He made a stupid comment back, of the sort that I don't absorb very well. So I narced him to the Sky Waitress when she came by. I told her that three people moved up from Economy, and would she please ask them to move back since I just paid extra to move up.

And you know what? YOU KNOW WHAT? The Sky Waitress said - in front of the guy, "We have a hard time policing that, so we don't enforce it." So in other words, United Airlines stole my money.

Well, she leaves and the guy starts jawing at me, and then says, "I'll be finding you outside the baggage area."

What the - ? Is this high school? Are we meeting after class for a fight? Is the potbellied guy with the 70s porn moustache going to beat me up after school? I mean, this dude is probably 45 years old, and I doubt he's ever been on a date, unless you count taking his mother to the prom (though that's a rumor - I can't confirm that). I haven't been physically threatened since...well, since that homeless guy with the soup, but before that it's probably been 30 years.

I figured y'all would want a picture of him, so I took a couple at the baggage claim where he was supposed to beat me up. (See the first couple of posts.) As I suspected, he just stood there with his eyes down like a complete wimp. I got my bag, left, and as I got on the escalator to the ground transport, I looked back. The guy is running over. He had waited until I was halfway down the escalator, and then he ran over and made a bunch of obscene gestures at me.

Honestly, I'm not so annoyed at the guy because I understand that some people simply aren't smart enough to understand how proper society works. I'm really more annoyed at United Airlines, which once again proved that they are the biggest group of mouth-breathers on the face of the planet. I guess I deserve what I get for giving them money.
Last edited by Rain Man; 03-15-2008 at 11:43 PM..
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Old 03-15-2008, 11:33 PM   #16
milkman milkman is offline
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Who's stupider, A Donk fan or a WPI subscriber?
That's a tough call, but I'm going to go with Donk fan.
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Old 03-15-2008, 11:33 PM   #17
pikesome pikesome is offline
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I'll teach you my famed "uppercut to the taint" punch of nut-death for any future incidents.

You'll be strutting around like LeRoy with "the glow"....the iowani-glow.

you are the last dragon.
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D) apparently worked for Rodney Harrison.
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Old 03-15-2008, 11:35 PM   #18
pikesome pikesome is offline
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That's a tough call, but I'm going to go with Donk fan.
I'm leaning to the WPI, there is a reoccurring cost for WPI. It's like getting nut-punched every month. And paying for it.
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4. Performance enhancing drugs:

A) are my ticket to the Hall of Fame.
B) would be better if they tasted like fruit and were shaped like various Flintstones characters.
C) are not for me, because I find that cocaine aids my performance much more effectively.
D) apparently worked for Rodney Harrison.
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Old 03-15-2008, 11:36 PM   #19
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
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Originally Posted by Iowanian View Post
I'll teach you my famed "uppercut to the taint" punch of nut-death for any future incidents.

You'll be strutting around like LeRoy with "the glow"....the iowani-glow.

you are the last dragon.
Maybe I need to sign up for lessons. One of these days, one of these guys will actually have testicles and really will hit me.

It just struck me as hilarious that the guy waited until I was on the escalator before he ran over and "made his move". I'll bet he would've screamed like a little girl if I had come back up the escalator two minutes later.
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Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 03-15-2008, 11:37 PM   #20
Iowanian Iowanian is offline
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Show him your "eagle claws" and say in a very disturbed voice

"mcBitch, I'll rip out your mcCooterbone and feed it to the pigeons and they'll crap it on your geo metro!"


You can steal all of my cyber-macho you want....free of charge.

I'd also recommend "the dragon"...you've seen it here before.

.
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When I'm kickin ass on the innerweb, I prefer smokers.

I wait until they do that "cooL, I'm a smoker, last big drag and cig flip before getting macho"....as they watch the cig flicker so cooly to the ground, I jackie Chan their ass.

The coolest part is when I unleash what I shall from here on out call "the dragon".

As they lay on their back, gasping for air.....fart in their mouth, and stick the cig back in. when they Exhale....WOOOOOOOOOOF

Dragon.

Thats How I roll. WE GOTS DANCAS IN FORTWAYNIAN
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Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 03-15-2008, 11:38 PM   #21
cdcox cdcox is offline
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I'm pretty sure he was a sky marshall.
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cdcox is obviously part of the inner Circle.cdcox is obviously part of the inner Circle.cdcox is obviously part of the inner Circle.cdcox is obviously part of the inner Circle.cdcox is obviously part of the inner Circle.cdcox is obviously part of the inner Circle.cdcox is obviously part of the inner Circle.cdcox is obviously part of the inner Circle.cdcox is obviously part of the inner Circle.cdcox is obviously part of the inner Circle.cdcox is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 03-15-2008, 11:39 PM   #22
KcMizzou KcMizzou is offline
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You should have tazered him... and posted the video.
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Old 03-15-2008, 11:47 PM   #23
Rausch Rausch is offline
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Maybe I need to sign up for lessons. One of these days, one of these guys will actually have testicles and really will hit me.
On a plane? Plenty of witnesses to an assault there. All his base will belong to Apricot beamer...
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I wish I always ended up at gay bars.
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Rausch is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rausch is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rausch is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rausch is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rausch is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rausch is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rausch is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rausch is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rausch is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rausch is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rausch is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 03-16-2008, 02:11 AM   #24
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
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I'd laugh my ass off if there's some dud over on WPI or the Star's board typing up a post..."So this jack off tells the stewardess..."
It's probably T0m Cash. I wouldn't be shocked.
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Old 03-16-2008, 02:35 AM   #25
RustShack RustShack is offline
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I hope this guy is a regular on CP...
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RustShack 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRustShack 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRustShack 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRustShack 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRustShack 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRustShack 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRustShack 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRustShack 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRustShack 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRustShack 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRustShack 's adopt a chief was Sabby Piscitelli
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Old 03-16-2008, 07:11 AM   #26
BigMeatballDave BigMeatballDave is offline
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BigMeatballDave is obviously part of the inner Circle.BigMeatballDave is obviously part of the inner Circle.BigMeatballDave is obviously part of the inner Circle.BigMeatballDave is obviously part of the inner Circle.BigMeatballDave is obviously part of the inner Circle.BigMeatballDave is obviously part of the inner Circle.BigMeatballDave is obviously part of the inner Circle.BigMeatballDave is obviously part of the inner Circle.BigMeatballDave is obviously part of the inner Circle.BigMeatballDave is obviously part of the inner Circle.BigMeatballDave is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 03-16-2008, 07:52 AM   #27
Iowanian Iowanian is offline
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bRainman is studying Taladega Nights for his self defense smack now.

"One of you turds is about to get smacked in mouth".

I have the court reporters rendition of this mornings meeting, where he makes daface play the villain

Chip: I can't hold my tongue. These kids are my grandchildren and you are raising them wrong. They are *terrible* boys!
Walker: Shut up, Chip, or I'll go ape-shit on your ass!
Texas Ranger: I'm gonna scissor-kick you in the back of the head!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Yeah!
Ricky Bobby: Yeah! Now turn up the heat!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Go on and get some, boys!
Ricky Bobby: Come on!
Walker: I'm ten years old, but I'll beat your ass!
Texas Ranger: Chip, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Like a spider monkey! Go on!
Ricky Bobby: Chip, you brought this on, man.
Walker: Greatest Generation my ass. Tom Brokaw's a punk!
Chip: What is wrong with you?
Texas Ranger: Chip, I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew!


These are the lines, deemed most effective in the market research evaluations.
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Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 03-16-2008, 08:05 AM   #28
Iowanian Iowanian is offline
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haha.

I found video of brainman and daface practicing for the return flight.
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Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.Iowanian is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 03-16-2008, 08:19 AM   #29
Hoover Hoover is offline
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Hoover 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Hoover 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Hoover 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Hoover 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Hoover 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Hoover 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Hoover 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Hoover 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Hoover 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Hoover 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Hoover 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.
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Old 03-16-2008, 08:23 AM   #30
JBucc JBucc is offline
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How are they supposed to stop terrorists if they can't even get a wimp like Ari Chiefs to go back to his seat?
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JBucc is not part of the Right 53.JBucc is not part of the Right 53.JBucc is not part of the Right 53.JBucc is not part of the Right 53.JBucc is not part of the Right 53.JBucc is not part of the Right 53.JBucc is not part of the Right 53.JBucc is not part of the Right 53.JBucc is not part of the Right 53.JBucc is not part of the Right 53.JBucc is not part of the Right 53.
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