Life Confronting a cheater - Page 11

The Dude Abides · 05:30 PM

Haven't been here in awhile, so check this out. Guess this could be related to the cheaters thread, but oh well. I had been seeing this woman for about 3 years. Everything was great, we got along, amazing sex, etc. But during this whole time, I live in Wichita, she in Newton, a 30 minute drive. She always had to visit me at my house because she lived with her ex. They had never been married, just dated for 9 years. Long story short, I saw the end coming, she was pulling away, as she had done before a few years ago, so I found where she lived and told her supposed ex the whole story of me and his woman. Oh yeah, they were very much together, he said. But he was a big puss and didn't get mad or anything. But needless to say, she got hysterical, said she hated me, i ruined her life, etc. I knew all this was going to happen anyway, but I just couldn't let her get away with her doing the whole player thing. So basically, what is your opinion on confronting the cheaters significant other?

'Hamas' Jenkins · 02-17-2009, 02:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevieray

you still are.

No, I'm really not. If you think I am, you should probably bone up on both reading comprehension, logic, and rhetoric.

(FWIW, I don't actually think that you believe what you just posted, but rather you didn't have any kind of intelligent response to proffer, so you instead decided to act as though I was a pawn in your grand persuasive scheme. No one is buying your bluff. You have 2-7 offsuit. Sorry.)

keg in kc · 02-17-2009, 02:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phobia

And yet, it takes two people to screw up this badly. If a dude catches wind that the woman is married he needs to run. Far.

I wouldn't (and haven't tried to) argue that.

Like I said, I wouldn't put myself in that situation. It's wrong. I just think we have a tendency to focus much more on the people who are showing that disrespect instead of the people who are actually breaking vows. (And in case we get sidetracked by my earlier 'women as victims' comments, I think women do the exact same thing when their husbands cheat)

And, again from my own experience, I'd say that's probably because it's easier to look outward than it is to look inward, easier to put the fault at someone else's feet, instead of those of a loved one or even ourselves. It's a lot easier to come to grips with betrayal when you can focus the emotions that come with it on someone that we didn't trust or cherish or think we'd spend our lives with.

stevieray · 02-17-2009, 02:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 'Hamas' Jenkins

Are you really saying that you own another human being?

yes, that's exactly what I mean..and my wife and kids know it..they don't dare step out of line. I just recently allowed my wife to go back into the workforce after 10 years, only on the condition that she check in every hour. My oldest works and I keep the paychecks as collateral for taking care of her all these years. I already have a job lined up for my youngest when she turns 14 next year., she knows her paychecks will cover gas.

'Hamas' Jenkins · 02-17-2009, 02:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevieray

yes, that's exactly what I mean..and my wife and kids know it..they don't dare step out of line. I just recently allowed my wife to go back into the workforce after 10 years, only on the condition tha tshe check in every hour.

That's ****ing sick. I wouldn't even call that a 1950's view of the world. It's just barbaric. That's a medieval, flat-earth view of the world.

You do realize that you are treating your wife like you are her parole officer, right?

keg in kc · 02-17-2009, 02:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mecca

They aren't victims although most of the situations are different, some women are like some men and just frankly can't be faithful, with others there are other factors.

I'll speak from my personal experience since Stevie brought it up ever so nicely. The married woman I was familiar with, had a husband who cared more about his job than his wife. He was barely around or paid her much attention, I think she just simply wanted someone to pay attention to her like she mattered. She was married but felt extremely lonely.

You and I had this discussion on another thread. I'd stay so far away from a situation like that...

It does beg the question of who's taking advantage of whom. I don't condone it in any way, but it seems pretty obvious that needs were fulfilled on both sides of the coin, and you weren't simply taking advantage of an innocent young flower. My guess is she was looking for whatever attention she could find, and you happened to be in the wrong place at the right time.

The operative words being "she was looking".

I still think you're nuts for ever getting twisted up in anything like that, though.

Mecca · 02-17-2009, 02:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by keg in kc

You and I had this discussion on another thread. I'd stay so far away from a situation like that...

It does beg the question of who's taking advantage of whom. I don't condone it in any way, but it seems pretty obvious that needs were fulfilled on both sides of the coin, and you weren't simply taking advantage of an innocent young flower. My guess is she was looking for whatever attention she could find, and you happened to be in the wrong place at the right time.

The operative words being "she was looking".

I still think you're nuts for ever getting twisted up in anything like that, though.

Things happen, she never acted nuts or did anything crazy and I was very aware of the situation early on.

My thought was if this guy can't even take the time to treat his wife right that's his problem not mine. We had things in common and had fun but I always took the situation for what it was and never made it anymore than that.

stevieray · 02-17-2009, 02:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 'Hamas' Jenkins

That's ****ing sick. I wouldn't even call that a 1950's view of the world. It's just barbaric. That's a medieval, flat-earth view of the world.

You do realize that you are treating your wife like you are her parole officer, right?

no dressing up, no excessive make up in public, no revealing clothing..if we get a male waiter, she knows not to respond and let me order for her.

...my girls aren't even allowed to talk to boys, though I suspect they do it behind my back...

KChiefsQT · 02-17-2009, 02:45 AM

1. You knew she wasn't single, and if you truly didn't you're not a smart fella.
2. I hate homewreckers.
3. You better pray she's not packin your kid.

That's all.

keg in kc · 02-17-2009, 02:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevieray

...my girls aren't even allowed to talk to boys, though I suspect they do it behind my back...

I wonder how long it will take to get the traditional "ain't nothin' wilder than a catholic schoolgirl/daughter of a minister/et cetera, et cetera" comment.

Mecca · 02-17-2009, 02:49 AM

If he's being serious which I doubt because that is just to much that would lead to some extreme rebellion in later years rebellion like stripping and porn.

**DaneMcCloud** · 02-17-2009, 02:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mecca

If he's being serious which I doubt because that is just to much that would lead to some extreme rebellion in later years rebellion like stripping and porn.

I think he's just havin' some fun.

Saccopoo · 02-17-2009, 02:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mecca

Things happen, she never acted nuts or did anything crazy and I was very aware of the situation early on.

My thought was if this guy can't even take the time to treat his wife right that's his problem not mine. We had things in common and had fun but I always took the situation for what it was and never made it anymore than that.

They all say that. Or something similar to that. They do it in an attempt to justify their action of infidelity to themselves as well as their potential adulterer. "My husband ignores me." "I'm lonely." "He doesn't pay attention to me." "He drinks too much." "All he does is spend time at the office." etc., etc., etc.

They convince themselves that they are participating in adultery because of some perceived negative situation in their married lives instigated by their spouse. Maybe not even convince, but just making some excuse in order to possibly validate the affair in their own mind.

The guy could be a prince, but she's not thinking of any of his positives when she's making an attempt at garnering attention. And attention is the primary reason a woman cheats. It's not that she isn't getting attention at home, it's that she wants/demands/needs attention and wants to feel wanted and attractive by more than her spouse. We all do to some degree. How she deals with that and where she takes it are up to the individual.

I was watching some show on NG or TLC or some such crap, and they were actually doing a intensive study on "love." Turns out that the married woman, when out in a social setting without being accompanied by her spouse/partner actually puts out more the the dopamine, endorphins and subtle sexual body queues than single woman.

Mecca · 02-17-2009, 02:58 AM

She was pretty ignored.....we spent hours and hours together and he was never around or called once.

kcxiv · 02-17-2009, 03:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mecca

If he's being serious which I doubt because that is just to much that would lead to some extreme rebellion in later years rebellion like stripping and porn.

Yep, i see Kagney Linn Karter all over again.

stevieray · 02-17-2009, 03:07 AM

hamas, you've just been owned by someone you routinely think of as a dumbass.

kill yourself.

even so, your initial response tells me there might be hope for you yet...

02-16-2009, 04:21 PM
The Dude Abides Starter Join Date: Jan 2006 Casino cash: $6764940	Confronting a cheater Haven't been here in awhile, so check this out. Guess this could be related to the cheaters thread, but oh well. I had been seeing this woman for about 3 years. Everything was great, we got along, amazing sex, etc. But during this whole time, I live in Wichita, she in Newton, a 30 minute drive. She always had to visit me at my house because she lived with her ex. They had never been married, just dated for 9 years. Long story short, I saw the end coming, she was pulling away, as she had done before a few years ago, so I found where she lived and told her supposed ex the whole story of me and his woman. Oh yeah, they were very much together, he said. But he was a big puss and didn't get mad or anything. But needless to say, she got hysterical, said she hated me, i ruined her life, etc. I knew all this was going to happen anyway, but I just couldn't let her get away with her doing the whole player thing. So basically, what is your opinion on confronting the cheaters significant other? Last edited by The Dude Abides; 02-16-2009 at 05:30 PM..
Posts: 400

02-17-2009, 02:45 AM	#158
KChiefsQT Kara G! Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: California Casino cash: $9325122	1. You knew she wasn't single, and if you truly didn't you're not a smart fella. 2. I hate homewreckers. 3. You better pray she's not packin your kid. That's all.
Posts: 4,070

02-17-2009, 02:49 AM	#160
Mecca Hockey Town Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Kansas City, Missouri Casino cash: $-752950	If he's being serious which I doubt because that is just to much that would lead to some extreme rebellion in later years rebellion like stripping and porn.
Posts: 115,387

02-17-2009, 02:58 AM	#163
Mecca Hockey Town Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Kansas City, Missouri Casino cash: $-752950	She was pretty ignored.....we spent hours and hours together and he was never around or called once.
Posts: 115,387

02-17-2009, 03:07 AM	#165
stevieray Most things I worry about… Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Under Pressure Casino cash: $-1374727	hamas, you've just been owned by someone you routinely think of as a dumbass. kill yourself. even so, your initial response tells me there might be hope for you yet...
Posts: 74,137