Parental advice needed

[Mr. Plow]

As some of you know, I've got 4 kids - 3 boys (11, 5, 4) & 1 girl (2). My wife & I have recently discovered that our 11 year old is starting puberty. Voice is changing, mood swings, hair under his arms, etc.

Being the great father I am, I hoped it would just go away and he would revert back to the cute, loving 4 year old that I remember - but alas, it isn't working no matter how much I try to ignore it.

We have noticed that he has taken an interest in the fairer sex as of late, but we have also discovered that he has taken an interest in....uhhhhh....ahem....internet porn.

My wife asked me if I looked at porn when I was his age, and I honestly don't remember if I did. But, as I told her, if I did look at porn, I certainly didn't have the readily access to it that he does in this age of computers, iPods, laptops, etc. I told her that if I wanted to look at porn, I had to look at magazines - which, in hindsight, really sucks compared to what options are available now.

So, now I get to have "the talk" with him. I get to try to explain to him what I actually know about women, which is very little, and what he and his body are going through. I also get to try to explain what is going on in the video's & pictures he has seen and how women should be respected & treated.

I never really had "the talk" with my dad, so I'm looking for a little guidance from those of you that have been through this with a child.

[Pablo]

I think your biggest concern should be for the HD on your computer at this point.

My brother and I fried 3 separate computers downloading porn.

But like Iowanian said, let him know that porn IS NOT reality. So that way he's not totally let down the first time he gets a piece.

[patteeu]

Originally Posted by healthpellets

look, i'm sure you're good intentioned and what not. but the last thing we need is irrational thought in a totally logical situation.

sex is a very easy subject to talk about. it's very basic on both a biological level and an emotional level. there's no reason to introduce abstract ideas such as God's love and "what it means to be God's creation". it just muddys the waters.

the last thing I want is my child learning about sex and how it relates to some abstract religious world view.

people have sex. my child will have sex. will he have it for the first time when he's 15, or 25? who knows. but what he needs is a thorough understanding of the physical and emotional consequences of the act.

he needs to know that teenage girls (at to a lesser extent, teenage boys) are very emotional creatures, and that when you have sex with a girl, especially if it's her first time, she's never going to leave you alone. ever. you're always going to be connected on that level. and that can be a very difficult situation to get out of.

the emotionality of it all is crazy enough without injecting any religious or moral overtones in to the situation.

Originally Posted by wutamess

This. The world is not viewing it from religions eyes... Neither will my child. Other than the "meant to be good" no sex until marriage part. Religion will be heavily preached on that aspect

The guy is looking for advice on ChiefsPlanet for Pete's sake. I'd bet large on the idea that Jilly's Sex Camp program has more solid ideas on this subject than the average ChiefsPlanet yahoo.* That's not to say that the best idea of all won't come from one of the heathens around here, but her program is bound to be competitive with the average dose of advice CP has to offer. Mr. Plow can decide what makes sense to him.

________________________________
* BTW, I'm including myself in this group.

[Brock]

Originally Posted by ClearmontChief

Seriously? That's your question?

As the father of a young man, I was happy that he found interest in the female (human) form!

Enough said...

You'd be unhappy to find he found interest in the male form?

[Pablo]

"Son....you see, when a man loves a woman and really respects her he usually pisses in her mouth and chains a dog leash to her clit ring. Then he pulls that dog leash back and forth while she does anal thrusts on a table leg covered in orange jello".

[Pants]

Originally Posted by PostRockPablo

Yeah, he'll be looking up Brazilian fart porn by the time he's 13.

I had to jerk off to dial-up. Kids don't know how lucky they are these days.

Yeap.

[Brock]

TBH, it's really not a big deal. When he finds that these days a BJ is first base, he won't be all that interested in porn anymore.

[kindra68]

Being a single mother I didn’t really think about “the talk” until the day my son came home from school and walked into the kitchen where I was preparing dinner.
Son “mom, what does BJ mean?”
Me trying to regain my composure and checking that I hadn’t cut my finger off “ahh, what?”
Son “well the kids on the bus were talking about BJ’s”
Me screaming in my head to God WHY!! “ umm, well do you want the technical terminology or the slang?”
Son “oh just give me them both”
Me well it’s now of never, “ technical is it’s a sexual act, slang is when a person is sucking on your penis”
Son “EWWWW doesn’t she know I pee outta that thing!”
To which he walked out of the kitchen and started playing some video game.
And standing in the kitchen alone, I died a little.

And about the mags I just told my son that the girly mags were kinda like the movies.
In the mags the girls all have perfect asses and in the movies they all have perfect houses.
Condoms? Never have sex with out one because there are diseases out there that will kill you. and in all the years I have been on this earth I haven’t met a piece of ass worth dieing over. Besides if it doesn’t kill you it will rot your penis off. Just imagine walking around the store and you feel something funny in your pants. You wiggle your leg just a bit and something falls out of your pant leg, oh hell it’s your dick. And being the graceful person that you are, you will try to bend down and pick it up, only to kick it across the store. The moral of this story is to always wear a condom.
Why I was given a man child to raise by myself, I will never know…

[soopamanluva]

Originally Posted by CaliforniaChief

I would just be direct and honest, including how uncomfortable you are in talking about it in large part because your dad never shared with you. Ask him what he knows and what he doesn't know, and tell him that you just want him to feel comfortable asking you whatever he wants.

I think trying to act like it's no big deal won't work. He'll see through it and see what you're doing as a necessary evil.

Yea, just talk to him, you dont want him coming home with his little 12 year old girlfriend saying she pregnant. Let him know that his life now gets harder because he has to deal with women

[Huffman83]

When my dad tried to have the talk w/ me he said "Son, I want to talk w/ you about girls." my response?

"Sure Dad, what do you want to know?"

I had seen a Gallager bit not too long before he brought it up.

He asked if he was too late to talk w/ me about it. I explained that we already had classes in school talking about what was going on. So look at it this way. If you don't talk with them about it. Someone will for you!

It was awkward talking about that w/ my dad, but it was because he barely spoke w/ me about anything. Hopefully you have more of a dialogue w/ your kids already! But I really already had a good idea of what was going on because I was the youngest of 3 and having a brother and sister who were already going through puberty.

Plus I had cable, and figured out a lot just from that. But respecting women came way before puberty hit. That shouldn't be something brought up now. I'd say if it wasn't taught previously it would be too late.

[Buck]

Simple Solution: Antifreeze.

[Fat Elvis]

Originally Posted by patteeu

My wife started talking to our girls about anatomy/sex when they were 5 or 6 and eased into it. Once every couple of months, she'd take one of our two daughters and I'd take the other one on a "special day". Mom's special days always included a talk and then maybe some shopping or lunch. Dad's usually included a movie or a trip to the park or something like that. By the time the girls got to puberty, they were pretty used to open talks about the subject. Hopefully it will end well instead of turning them into coke-addicted strippers or something like that. Or worse, I hope they don't become shopaholics.

It is amazing how patteeu and I disagree on pretty much everything political and economic, but seem to agree on most things regarding family and childrearing.

My wife and I also believe that it is important to have an ongoing "conversation" with our kids regarding their bodies, how it is changing over time, and how we started that conversation early on in life so that as they grew/grow older it is easier to have the kind of conversations with our kids when they reach puberty and young adulthood.

[Scott Pioli]

Tell him it's a process. That should pacify him for 4-5 years.

[Predarat]

Originally Posted by Jilly

Oh shut it!

Hey now I spelled it with an m and not an n so I am innocent of any crime or breach of rules.

[patteeu]

Originally Posted by Fat Elvis

It is amazing how patteeu and I disagree on pretty much everything political and economic, but seem to agree on most things regarding family and childrearing.

My wife and I also believe that it is important to have an ongoing "conversation" with our kids regarding their bodies, how it is changing over time, and how we started that conversation early on in life so that as they grew/grow older it is easier to have the kind of conversations with our kids when they reach puberty and young adulthood.

One of us must be wrong about this.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by PostRockPablo

"Son....you see, when a man loves a woman and really respects her he usually pisses in her mouth and chains a dog leash to her clit ring. Then he pulls that dog leash back and forth while she does anal thrusts on a table leg covered in orange jello".

"And then nine months later Social Services delivers a baby for her to raise."