Life Parental advice needed - Page 8

Mr. Plow · 05-04-2010, 11:41 AM

As some of you know, I've got 4 kids - 3 boys (11, 5, 4) & 1 girl (2). My wife & I have recently discovered that our 11 year old is starting puberty. Voice is changing, mood swings, hair under his arms, etc.

Being the great father I am, I hoped it would just go away and he would revert back to the cute, loving 4 year old that I remember - but alas, it isn't working no matter how much I try to ignore it.

We have noticed that he has taken an interest in the fairer sex as of late, but we have also discovered that he has taken an interest in....uhhhhh....ahem....internet porn.

My wife asked me if I looked at porn when I was his age, and I honestly don't remember if I did. But, as I told her, if I did look at porn, I certainly didn't have the readily access to it that he does in this age of computers, iPods, laptops, etc. I told her that if I wanted to look at porn, I had to look at magazines - which, in hindsight, really sucks compared to what options are available now.

So, now I get to have "the talk" with him. I get to try to explain to him what I actually know about women, which is very little, and what he and his body are going through. I also get to try to explain what is going on in the video's & pictures he has seen and how women should be respected & treated.

I never really had "the talk" with my dad, so I'm looking for a little guidance from those of you that have been through this with a child.

healthpellets · 05-04-2010, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scott Pioli

Tell him it's a process. That should pacify him for 4-5 years.

Tylerthigpen!1! · 05-04-2010, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by patteeu

In the case of my girls, the movies and shopping trips happened long before puberty hit. The point was supposed to be that if you start out early, you can theoretically avoid the just-in-time awkward puberty talk. By the time puberty arrived, they were both pretty familiar with what was happening and they were used to talking to us (mainly their mom) about topics like periods, tampons, sex and the perverted and dangerous creatures we call boys. At least that was the plan and I *think* it played out ok.

Ah the pre-puberty part makes sense. I actually like the sound of that plan.

keg in kc · 05-04-2010, 03:00 PM

I don't have kids and I never will, but if I did, I think I would fall on the side of being open and upfront and helping them understand that sexuality is a normal thing and not in any way dirty. I don't remember ever having "the talk" (I may have, I just have a horrible memory...), but I would try to explain the risks of it (STDs, pregnancy) and the last thing I would want to do is create an environment where a kid was surfing porn on the sly, and learning how to hide his/her tracks. That's a kind of illicit behavior (the real attraction of porn for many) and dishonesty that I've been through myself, and I don't think it's all that beneficial in the long run. Personally, I think one of the biggest issues we have as a society is the puritanical, in-the-closet attitude we have about not just sex, but the human body itself. I think more openness and acknowledgement that we are, in fact, sexual creatures, could do a world of good for everybody. In other words, get the stick out of our collective ass. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Pushead2 · 05-04-2010, 03:12 PM

I was 14 when I lost my virginity and all I knew was condoms must be worn. Never had the talked, had to learn on my own.

Pants · 05-04-2010, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pushead2

I was 14 when I lost my virginity and all I knew was condoms must be worn. Never had the talked, had to learn on my own.

I was 10. She was a supermodel. AND she came back for more. What?

/Ali G

niblet · 05-04-2010, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pushead2

I was 14 when I lost my virginity

Cool story bro.

**The Franchise** · 05-04-2010, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kindra68

Why I was given a man child to raise by myself, I will never know…

The same reason why I will be raising three daughters.

God hates us....

**Rain Man** · 05-04-2010, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pestilence

The same reason why I will be raising three daughters.

God hates us....

You two should trade.

Demonpenz · 05-04-2010, 04:14 PM

I fingered liked 3 girls at church camps. Picke one up like a bowling ball

Contrarian · 05-04-2010, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Demonpenz

I fingered liked 3 girls at church camps. Picke one up like a bowling ball

And that was last week.

**bevischief** · 05-04-2010, 05:48 PM

Buy him a box of Trojans...

Tell him to wrap it always...

**Gonzo** · 05-04-2010, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jilly

In all honesty, Mr. Plow, it's great to be active about this now. As much as I look at porn and know that the majority of men do as well, it is something that can be addictive and provide harmful ideas about how women are to be treated and an 11 year old is not quite ready for that sort of discussion about being demeaned, etc. That being said, I think it's really important that when you have the discussion that you teach him that masturbation, etc and all this is normal for his age and for sexuality. It's your job, however, to keep lines of communication open for the talks that will come later. While it's scary that he is only 11, that's the normal age for boys and girls to start wondering about their own ability to use their bodies.

I have no idea if you are a church going person or not, but in our denomination we have an actual "sex camp" for kids a year older than him, that teaches kids not the whole True Love Waits curriculum, but a more rational understanding of sex and what it means to be God's creation. The camp gives kids the tools they need to make sound decisions in regards to sexuality and also biologically teaches them about how their bodies work so that it normalizes those feelings that puberty brings on of attraction to others and fascination with masturbating, etc. You can PM me if you want some info on that, or if you want some of the tools the curriculum itself uses. I think what it teaches is life changing and empowering for young people.

Can you imagine what the macaroni art looks like at that camp???

You could sell that shit to the blind for 300-400 bucks a pop. Holy shit!
Posted via Mobile Device

**bevischief** · 05-04-2010, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gonzo

Can you imagine what the macaroni art looks like at that camp???

You could sell that shit to the blind for 300-400 bucks a pop. Holy shit!
Posted via Mobile Device

There was a this time at band camp...

Chiefspants · 05-04-2010, 06:13 PM

It's almost impossible to completely prevent a teenage boy from looking at porn unless you completely shelter the child. My advice is to let him know the difference between internet porn and being in an actual relationship with the "Fairer Sex." There are too many dumbasses who run around at my school who have never figured out the difference.

EWOK · 05-04-2010, 06:16 PM

I'm going to get slammed here but from what I have read most of these posters haven't seem a real girl naked and if they did they just stood their with their mouths wide open with drool hanging down.. Passport to Purity will help with your son. I also recommend that you tale a weekend just you and your boy to explain the changes going on in his body. Instale a filter and keep the line of communication open.

05-04-2010, 11:41 AM
Mr. Plow In Search of a Life Join Date: Dec 2005 Casino cash: $-1592609	Parental advice needed As some of you know, I've got 4 kids - 3 boys (11, 5, 4) & 1 girl (2). My wife & I have recently discovered that our 11 year old is starting puberty. Voice is changing, mood swings, hair under his arms, etc. Being the great father I am, I hoped it would just go away and he would revert back to the cute, loving 4 year old that I remember - but alas, it isn't working no matter how much I try to ignore it. We have noticed that he has taken an interest in the fairer sex as of late, but we have also discovered that he has taken an interest in....uhhhhh....ahem....internet porn. My wife asked me if I looked at porn when I was his age, and I honestly don't remember if I did. But, as I told her, if I did look at porn, I certainly didn't have the readily access to it that he does in this age of computers, iPods, laptops, etc. I told her that if I wanted to look at porn, I had to look at magazines - which, in hindsight, really sucks compared to what options are available now. So, now I get to have "the talk" with him. I get to try to explain to him what I actually know about women, which is very little, and what he and his body are going through. I also get to try to explain what is going on in the video's & pictures he has seen and how women should be respected & treated. I never really had "the talk" with my dad, so I'm looking for a little guidance from those of you that have been through this with a child.
Posts: 31,706

05-04-2010, 03:00 PM	#108
keg in kc oxymoron Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: OP/KC/Whatever Casino cash: $9556299	I don't have kids and I never will, but if I did, I think I would fall on the side of being open and upfront and helping them understand that sexuality is a normal thing and not in any way dirty. I don't remember ever having "the talk" (I may have, I just have a horrible memory...), but I would try to explain the risks of it (STDs, pregnancy) and the last thing I would want to do is create an environment where a kid was surfing porn on the sly, and learning how to hide his/her tracks. That's a kind of illicit behavior (the real attraction of porn for many) and dishonesty that I've been through myself, and I don't think it's all that beneficial in the long run. Personally, I think one of the biggest issues we have as a society is the puritanical, in-the-closet attitude we have about not just sex, but the human body itself. I think more openness and acknowledgement that we are, in fact, sexual creatures, could do a world of good for everybody. In other words, get the stick out of our collective ass. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Posts: 58,682

05-04-2010, 03:12 PM	#109
Pushead2 **** off Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: New York Casino cash: $6321882	I was 14 when I lost my virginity and all I knew was condoms must be worn. Never had the talked, had to learn on my own. __________________ "**** up once, lose two teeth....”
Posts: 5,264

05-04-2010, 04:14 PM	#114
Demonpenz Woman should only make babies Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Apartment "G UNIT!" Casino cash: $-483864	I fingered liked 3 girls at church camps. Picke one up like a bowling ball __________________
Posts: 54,962

05-04-2010, 05:48 PM	#116
bevischief .... Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Somewhere Kansas Casino cash: $7719352 VARSITY	Buy him a box of Trojans... Tell him to wrap it always...
Posts: 27,771

05-04-2010, 06:13 PM	#119
Chiefspants World's Best Boss Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Bronco Country Casino cash: $3584654	It's almost impossible to completely prevent a teenage boy from looking at porn unless you completely shelter the child. My advice is to let him know the difference between internet porn and being in an actual relationship with the "Fairer Sex." There are too many dumbasses who run around at my school who have never figured out the difference.
Posts: 19,383

05-04-2010, 06:16 PM	#120
EWOK Starter Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: phoenix Casino cash: $4741365	I'm going to get slammed here but from what I have read most of these posters haven't seem a real girl naked and if they did they just stood their with their mouths wide open with drool hanging down.. Passport to Purity will help with your son. I also recommend that you tale a weekend just you and your boy to explain the changes going on in his body. Instale a filter and keep the line of communication open.
Posts: 73