Money Marriage problems: First one to mention Anti-freeze wins - Page 2

Huffman83 · 06-14-2010, 06:50 PM

So....the wife is taking her 15 minute breather from a big fight in reference to finances. For the past 3 years, I've been the "bread winner." as in I pay the bills, buy dinner, entertainment...etc.

She has a lot of student loan dept that I was already aware of. However, some things I was not aware of initially was how much credit card debt she had due to her charging random shit to her credit card while she was a student.

Therefore I'm lucky to get $250 bucks a month from her in order to pay bills.

Between mortgage, insurance, utilities, entertainment, (cable,internet etc.) cell/phone bills. 58% of my earnings goes towards house bills. Not to mention food, gas and my own personal debt.

The wife gets a new job and is making more money. COOL!!!! Initially she states she'll be able to give me double of what she can. I'm still paying 45% of my monthly income. While she is only paying aprox 36 % of the bills. That's $500 bucks if you're still following.

I've been broke and barely able to make ends meet...and when the wife asks me to only give me $400 a month to help w/ bills and then we can start having kids in 2012. And I say no...that's bullshit, I'm at my wits end.

I'm still the asshole aren't I?

Ebolapox · 06-14-2010, 07:01 PM

antifreeze.

**DaFace** · 06-14-2010, 07:01 PM

Personal opinion: more than the whole "separate bank accounts" thing - it's really weird to me that you don't know what her debt levels are. Even if you keep your finances separate, you should at least have a say in her financial future.

I guess I don't know for sure, but that seems REALLY weird for a married couple to me.

Huffman83 · 06-14-2010, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frazod

You should immediately demand a joint account and a blowjob. Show her who's in charge!

I like you....I don't know why....but you're special.

Huffman83 · 06-14-2010, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by H5N1

antifreeze.

ding ding ding ding!!!!

You win.

Huffman83 · 06-14-2010, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaFace

Personal opinion: more than the whole "separate bank accounts" thing - it's really weird to me that you don't know what her debt levels are. Even if you keep your finances separate, you should at least have a say in her financial future.

I guess I don't know for sure, but that seems REALLY weird for a married couple to me.

I was aware of the student/car loans she had. But had no idea about the credit card debt being as steep as it was. It was omitted.

Ugly Duck · 06-14-2010, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

It sounds to me like you're making this way too damn complicated. Then again, I think if you all get a joint account, you'll just end up arguing over who should get the most 'personal expenses' because of your respective contributions to said account.

Or... Pool the income, pay the bills, put some away & then figure out a reasonable amount of "disposable" dough. Split the "disposable" in half & dole it out in cash... no more credit cards. Can't get in trouble that way & there'll be nothing to argue about. Well... at least no more arguing about money...

**notorious** · 06-14-2010, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

We have expenses that are 'me' expenses (beer, poker nights, etc...) and we have expenses that are hers (church donations, 'female things', etc...).

This is full of WIN.

damaticous · 06-14-2010, 07:13 PM

Reminds me of my EX wife.

She'd get signature/payday loans, credit cards, and even steal random checks from our check book (after I locked it up she still went and got counter checks).

The first time my father had to help us was about $1200 to get us out of the hole in our checking account. The next time he had to help us it was over $4000.

So, I had to borrow around $5200 from my dad just to pay off bad checks (the ones she was stealing), she KEPT getting signature loans and credit cards, all on top of her very large Student loans and pre-marriage Credit Cards.

Bye-Bye. After 4 1/2 years of marriage and 9 years together, I couldn't take that along with her diagnosis of Bi-polar, and other mental illnesses.

hey I was young and so was she. no kids no loss.

To this day I have always kept my finances separate from any girlfriend I've had.

I've been dating my current girlfriend for 5 years, she's lived in my house for 3. We have separate accounts. I pay for everything....sometimes she helps with the phone or satellite bill if she can. we split food.

It doesn't bother me. I am in a position that I can afford to pay for everything. She has two daughters that her and her ex husband are paying for college out of their pockets. I feel I help by paying for everything else.

we have already discussed if we live together much longer here is what we are going to do.

1. Get a joint account.
2. manually deposit money in the joint account to pay for bills (mortgage, utilities)
3. she has her "other bills" like car payment, fun money, etc. that she uses her own checking account for.
4. I have my "other bills' like car payment, fun money, etc that I use my own checking account for.

This way, in the future, we will both pay for bills, but get to keep our own money for our own things.

Gracie Dean · 06-14-2010, 07:14 PM

Best thing hubby and I ever did was separate checkbooks (we are both on both) and split up the bills according to our take home leaving us both with extra money.

If we mess up our piece of the bills, we only have ourselves to kick...

It has totally eliminated any fights about money and neither one feels that they have to be in "control of the checkbook"

We still work together, but we both have responsibilities. For example, He pays the car payment and insurance...I pay the mortgage

**notorious** · 06-14-2010, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by damaticous

We have separate accounts. I pay for everything....

It doesn't bother me. I am in a position that I can afford to pay for everything.

1. Get a joint account.
2. manually deposit money in the joint account to pay for bills (mortgage, utilities)
3. she has her "other bills" like car payment, fun money, etc. that she uses her own checking account for.
4. I have my "other bills' like car payment, fun money, etc that I use my own checking account for.

This way, in the future, we will both pay for bills, but get to keep our own money for our own things.

This.

I own two businesses (used to be three) and the only way my wife and I keep things on the up and up is if I pay for everything and let her throw in when she wants to.

She is finanically responsible, though. Never had much, but she never spends like she wants much. Pretty sweet, and she has a nice rack to boot.

tmax63 · 06-14-2010, 07:43 PM

I and the war department had separate accounts for the first couple of years when we started living together but once we figured out we were both in it for the long haul we got joint accounts along with our own and now it is basically throw it in the pot and take out what you need. We talk about most purchases over $100 (except groceries) and we're good as long as I bring her home a vanilla coke a couple of times a week. What can I say, I got a good one.

Frazod · 06-14-2010, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by notorious

This.

I own two businesses (used to be three) and the only way my wife and I keep things on the up and up is if I pay for everything and let her throw in when she wants to.

She is finanically responsible, though. Never had much, but she never spends like she wants much. Pretty sweet, and she has a nice rack to boot.

This post is worthless without pictures!

Amnorix · 06-14-2010, 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reerun_KC

WTF?

This is very strange?

We put all the money in one account, pay the bills and what ever is left we either save or do fun stuff with...

Actually, I think your way (which is also mine) is old school, and alot more people do it the way Huffman describes.

Amnorix · 06-14-2010, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Huffman83

The thing that got me though...was things being said that implied that I wasn't being supportive of her getting rid of debt. That's what turned the whole thing south.

Part of the issue is that you're not thinking like a married couple. That her debt is HER debt. That your income is YOUR income.

Recipe for disaster IMHO.

I'll read through everyone else's posts then make a suggestion that you guys are 99% not likely to adopt, but whatever.

el borracho · 06-14-2010, 07:53 PM

IMO, it doesn't matter which way you choose as long as you both agree to do it that way and stick to doing it that way.

06-14-2010, 06:50 PM
Huffman83 Veteran Join Date: Mar 2007 Casino cash: $10008077	Marriage problems: First one to mention Anti-freeze wins So....the wife is taking her 15 minute breather from a big fight in reference to finances. For the past 3 years, I've been the "bread winner." as in I pay the bills, buy dinner, entertainment...etc. She has a lot of student loan dept that I was already aware of. However, some things I was not aware of initially was how much credit card debt she had due to her charging random shit to her credit card while she was a student. Therefore I'm lucky to get $250 bucks a month from her in order to pay bills. Between mortgage, insurance, utilities, entertainment, (cable,internet etc.) cell/phone bills. 58% of my earnings goes towards house bills. Not to mention food, gas and my own personal debt. The wife gets a new job and is making more money. COOL!!!! Initially she states she'll be able to give me double of what she can. I'm still paying 45% of my monthly income. While she is only paying aprox 36 % of the bills. That's $500 bucks if you're still following. I've been broke and barely able to make ends meet...and when the wife asks me to only give me $400 a month to help w/ bills and then we can start having kids in 2012. And I say no...that's bullshit, I'm at my wits end. I'm still the asshole aren't I?
Posts: 2,240

06-14-2010, 07:01 PM	#16
Ebolapox remember, remember Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: como Casino cash: $-1820097	antifreeze.
Posts: 26,523

06-14-2010, 07:01 PM	#17
DaFace Kind of a mod Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Donkey Land Casino cash: $-1923101	Personal opinion: more than the whole "separate bank accounts" thing - it's really weird to me that you don't know what her debt levels are. Even if you keep your finances separate, you should at least have a say in her financial future. I guess I don't know for sure, but that seems REALLY weird for a married couple to me.
Posts: 53,155

06-14-2010, 07:13 PM	#23
damaticous lurker Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: home Casino cash: $9959900	Reminds me of my EX wife. She'd get signature/payday loans, credit cards, and even steal random checks from our check book (after I locked it up she still went and got counter checks). The first time my father had to help us was about $1200 to get us out of the hole in our checking account. The next time he had to help us it was over $4000. So, I had to borrow around $5200 from my dad just to pay off bad checks (the ones she was stealing), she KEPT getting signature loans and credit cards, all on top of her very large Student loans and pre-marriage Credit Cards. Bye-Bye. After 4 1/2 years of marriage and 9 years together, I couldn't take that along with her diagnosis of Bi-polar, and other mental illnesses. hey I was young and so was she. no kids no loss. To this day I have always kept my finances separate from any girlfriend I've had. I've been dating my current girlfriend for 5 years, she's lived in my house for 3. We have separate accounts. I pay for everything....sometimes she helps with the phone or satellite bill if she can. we split food. It doesn't bother me. I am in a position that I can afford to pay for everything. She has two daughters that her and her ex husband are paying for college out of their pockets. I feel I help by paying for everything else. we have already discussed if we live together much longer here is what we are going to do. 1. Get a joint account. 2. manually deposit money in the joint account to pay for bills (mortgage, utilities) 3. she has her "other bills" like car payment, fun money, etc. that she uses her own checking account for. 4. I have my "other bills' like car payment, fun money, etc that I use my own checking account for. This way, in the future, we will both pay for bills, but get to keep our own money for our own things.
Posts: 1,358

06-14-2010, 07:14 PM	#24
Gracie Dean MVP Join Date: Aug 2000 Casino cash: $10004900	Best thing hubby and I ever did was separate checkbooks (we are both on both) and split up the bills according to our take home leaving us both with extra money. If we mess up our piece of the bills, we only have ourselves to kick... It has totally eliminated any fights about money and neither one feels that they have to be in "control of the checkbook" We still work together, but we both have responsibilities. For example, He pays the car payment and insurance...I pay the mortgage
Posts: 12,955

06-14-2010, 07:43 PM	#26
tmax63 Veteran Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Colorado Casino cash: $453600	I and the war department had separate accounts for the first couple of years when we started living together but once we figured out we were both in it for the long haul we got joint accounts along with our own and now it is basically throw it in the pot and take out what you need. We talk about most purchases over $100 (except groceries) and we're good as long as I bring her home a vanilla coke a couple of times a week. What can I say, I got a good one. __________________ An armed member of society is a citizen, an unarmed member is a subject.
Posts: 3,994

06-14-2010, 07:53 PM	#30
el borracho In Pat We Trust Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Albuquerque, NM Casino cash: $2469148	IMO, it doesn't matter which way you choose as long as you both agree to do it that way and stick to doing it that way.
Posts: 12,278