Would it bother you if your SO/spouse made more money than you?

[ToxSocks]

**** no. Bring it on baby. Make me a househusband!

[luv]

Originally Posted by Detoxing

**** no. Bring it on baby. Make me a househusband!

Awesome. You can sweep, vacuum, dust, wash dishes, do laundry, cut coupons, plan meals, do the grocery shopping, cook dinner, take the kids to school........

[sedated]

Originally Posted by luv

Awesome. You can sweep, vacuum, dust, wash dishes, do laundry, cut coupons, plan meals, do the grocery shopping, cook dinner, take the kids to school........

I doubt a lot of stay-at-home moms actually do all that. Mostly they bitch about having to do everything around the house while the man is off "playing" at work.

[ToxSocks]

Originally Posted by sedated

I doubt a lot of stay-at-home moms actually do all that. Mostly they bitch about having to do everything around the house while the man is off "playing" at work.

THIS.

They do about half that list and then bitch about it.

[El Jefe]

Originally Posted by sedated

I doubt a lot of stay-at-home moms actually do all that. Mostly they bitch about having to do everything around the house while the man is off "playing" at work.

so very true

[GoHuge]

I'm not married, but I'm pretty proud of the CP men and their self confidence on this issue. The last serious girlfriend I had was really big into the money and talking about it. At the time I had my BA and she had a triple major BA and her Masters. Liked to talk down to me because of it while I made three times more than she did. Didn't really understand her train of thought. I don't use my degree for really any part of my profession and she came from a super education first family. At the end of the day doesn't it really come down to cheddar rather than how much shit you hang from the wall with your name on it? I got the **** out of that deal while the gettin was good.

My younger brother has a degree as well, but my dad and three other brothers don't have a degree and kick mine and my brothers ass as far as income goes. Ego has no place in a healthy relationship whether it be because of education level or income. Having seen it done the right way my entire life I knew this chick wasn't for me. I'd love to find a career woman that had her own goals and ambitions. If she made more it wouldn't bother me in the least. I do what I love, work hard at it, make good money, and hope to find a lady someday that stands on her own two feet as well. I would think that would make for a healthier relationship, but I admit I have to yield to the people here that have experienced it as I have not. After reading most of the responses my way of thinking seems to be a good blueprint to go off of anyway.

Both of my parents are over $100K earners and they've done it wonderfully together. My dad makes significantly more than her, but he as well as all of us kids are very proud of her for being a kickass professional. Growing up my dad paid the bills (house payment, utilities, etc) and mom paid to keep the house going (groceries, all of our clothes, school shit, etc). They have a joint checking account and both have their own personal checking accounts. I've seen them over the years just go and buy for themselves whatever they want and the other thinks it's kickass or silly, but there is no resentment or asking permission. The only time my dad bitched was when he thought our mom was spoiling us too much. Sometimes it was a playful competition between the two. Last year my mom decided she was going to buy a new car and just did it. My dad loved it and was happy she did it. They have a fairly decent sized "farm" that is really just a bunch of land they live on and any crops planted are food plots for hunting. Anyway about two weeks later my mom came home to see a new Case 90 XT skidsteer parked in the garage were my mom parks her new car. This was on the saturday of Father's day weekend. We were all home for the weekend and looking outside the windows or standing outside to see the look on mom's face when she opened the garage door. She started laughing hysterically and got out of her new fancy car and gave my Dad a hug and kiss while all of us kids, wives, husbands, and significant others were clapping and laughing our asses off. They pretty much own free and clear everything they have and now just spoil the shit out of the grandkids. My Dad is 66 and Mom 54 and they still do date night probably once a week. It's pretty awesome to witness when you see greed and other stupid bullshit tearing other marriages apart nowadays. Hopefully I'll be lucky enough to find a woman that wants to emulate what my parents have used to great success and happiness. Of course it helps to make enough money between two people were money isn't a source of stress or ambiguity.

Tip of the cap to all of you that make it work. I know it isn't always easy.

[Huffman83]

Originally Posted by luv

Awesome. You can sweep, vacuum, dust, wash dishes, do laundry, cut coupons, plan meals, do the grocery shopping, cook dinner, take the kids to school........

Bring it on. I'd rather do that than talk to someone about how their baby isn't breathing or their baby's daddy is beating them.

[DJ's left nut]

Originally Posted by luv

Awesome. You can sweep, vacuum, dust, wash dishes, do laundry, cut coupons, plan meals, do the grocery shopping, cook dinner, take the kids to school........

I'm sorry, but this annoys me a bit...scratch that, it annoys me a lot.

Sweeping - once a week; perhaps 1/2 an hour.
Vacuuming -- once a week; perhaps an hour
Dusting -- once every 2 weeks, perhaps an hour
washing dishes -- nightly for perhaps 1/2 an hour
Chaperone -- maybe an hour/day.
laundry -- sorting: an hour/week, folding: 2 hours/week, changing loads: 2 hours/week
Coupons -- Who cuts coupons? In either event, maybe an hour a week.
Plan and cook meals -- we'll go all the way to 1.5 hours/day (way way high)
Groceries -- 2 hours/week.


So in a week we get .5+1+.5+4+1+7+2+2+1+10+2 == a whopping 31 hours per week (over 7 days, mind you).

And you know what the husband will get for his efforts? A whole lot of bitching that his wife has to take the children everywhere, clean the house, prepare all the meals and do all the shopping. That he never helps around the house or spends time with the kids, etc, etc... So the husband will be expected the 'shoulder' some of the load as well.

Sorry, but being a housewife would be a freakin' sweet gig.

[DeezNutz]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

I'm sorry, but this annoys me a bit...scratch that, it annoys me a lot.

It's the loss of outside adult contact that is the major bitch.

[DJ's left nut]

Originally Posted by DeezNutz

It's the loss of outside adult contact that is the major bitch.

Fair point, but it would again seem to show how flawed the idea is.

I just don't understand the 'stay at home mom' concept. It's beneath most women, IMO and it creates a pretty strained division of labor at home.

I suppose the argument would be that it creates a far better environment for the children to grow up in at the expense of the parents and is therefore the unselfish approach, but I also have to wonder how often that arrangement leads to an unhealthy (or perhaps failed) marriage. Which would certainly have a far more damaging impact on a child than would Day Care.

[DeezNutz]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

Fair point, but it would again seem to show how flawed the idea is.

I just don't understand the 'stay at home mom' concept. It's beneath most women, IMO and it creates a pretty strained division of labor at home.

I suppose the argument would be that it creates a far better environment for the children to grow up in at the expense of the parents and is therefore the unselfish approach, but I also have to wonder how often that arrangement leads to an unhealthy (or perhaps failed) marriage. Which would certainly have a far more damaging impact on a child than would Day Care.

Depends what the lesser-paid spouse (typically the woman) makes. For example, if she's making $10 per hour and the husband has a strong, salary position, it might make more sense, all things considered, for the wife to stay home because she wouldn't be earning enough to justify the high cost of daycare and the other ramifications.

[DJ's left nut]

Originally Posted by DeezNutz

Depends what the lesser-paid spouse (typically the woman) makes. For example, if she's making $10 per hour and the husband has a strong, salary position, it might make more sense, all things considered, for the wife to stay home because she wouldn't be earning enough to justify the high cost of daycare and the other ramifications.

I honestly think I'd still be opposed to it.

At that point the roles in the relationship are just so far apart from each other that common ground seems impossible. Suddenly it seems less like a partnership to me. Instead you seem to have 2 divisions within the marriage.

If it were absolutely necessary to make ends meet, I suppose I could see it as a last alternative, but I'd do everything I could to keep it from happening.

[Hydrae]

Originally Posted by DeezNutz

Depends what the lesser-paid spouse (typically the woman) makes. For example, if she's making $10 per hour and the husband has a strong, salary position, it might make more sense, all things considered, for the wife to stay home because she wouldn't be earning enough to justify the high cost of daycare and the other ramifications.

THIS

I have related this here before but this seems like a good place for a reprisal of my experiences. This is not about who made more money, that has never been an issue. It is about having a stay-at-home wife/mother. After our third child was born, money was an issue for us. I worked 2 jobs for a while to get us through but after a couple of years my wife went to work to help out. This allowed my to work just the one job which was a nice relief. At the same time though, I found myself busier helping out around the house. I got home before she did so I did most of the cooking. By the time she got home, dinner would be on the way, there might be laundry going and I would have gone through the kid's paperwork from school that day.

We did this for a couple of years and then I got an opportunity to earn enough more income that they wife didn't have to work. Having her staying home took more pressure off of my than I realized I had taken on. Now when I get home from work, I am home. No worrying about cleaning or cooking. I have more time and energy for my kids or working in the garden or just playing on the computer. I also have more time and energy for my wife and my kids have an adult available to them at all times. We have raised our kids for the most part without farming them out to a daycare which we believe has given them a stronger foundation to build upon.

I am and will always be a strong proponent for having a stay-at-home parent. It is not for everyone but I think those who have never been there have no clue the positive difference it can make in their lives even considering the reduced income levels.

[sedated]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

but I also have to wonder how often that arrangement leads to an unhealthy (or perhaps failed) marriage. Which would certainly have a far more damaging impact on a child than would Day Care.

Day care is so expensive that its usually worth it in the short-term to have one stay-at-home parent. But we are only talking the first few years; once the kid is off to school there isn't a point to it. Although by then the wife has gotten so used to not working that she will do anything to not go back to work, from inflating the amount of daily work that is actually invovled with staying home, to "forgetting" to take her pill so she can squeeze out another one and have another 5-year layoff from her job. A couple kids later, and she is suddenly unqualified to go back to the workforce. This causes a huge fight, she listens to all her "take the money and run" divorced friends, uses her husbands money to get an expensive lawyer, she claims that her endentured servitude cost her the profitable career she had before, takes him to the cleaners, and she spends her days chasing the lawn-boy at her ex-husband's ex-house with his ex-money.

[KCUnited]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

I'm sorry, but this annoys me a bit...scratch that, it annoys me a lot.

Sweeping - once a week; perhaps 1/2 an hour.
Vacuuming -- once a week; perhaps an hour
Dusting -- once every 2 weeks, perhaps an hour
washing dishes -- nightly for perhaps 1/2 an hour
Chaperone -- maybe an hour/day.
laundry -- sorting: an hour/week, folding: 2 hours/week, changing loads: 2 hours/week
Coupons -- Who cuts coupons? In either event, maybe an hour a week.
Plan and cook meals -- we'll go all the way to 1.5 hours/day (way way high)
Groceries -- 2 hours/week.


So in a week we get .5+1+.5+4+1+7+2+2+1+10+2 == a whopping 31 hours per week (over 7 days, mind you).

And you know what the husband will get for his efforts? A whole lot of bitching that his wife has to take the children everywhere, clean the house, prepare all the meals and do all the shopping. That he never helps around the house or spends time with the kids, etc, etc... So the husband will be expected the 'shoulder' some of the load as well.

Sorry, but being a housewife would be a freakin' sweet gig.

Plus, the quarterly performance review on housewifing is a lose/lose situation.