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Old 06-14-2010, 06:50 PM  
Huffman83 Huffman83 is offline
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Marriage problems: First one to mention Anti-freeze wins
So....the wife is taking her 15 minute breather from a big fight in reference to finances. For the past 3 years, I've been the "bread winner." as in I pay the bills, buy dinner, entertainment...etc.

She has a lot of student loan dept that I was already aware of. However, some things I was not aware of initially was how much credit card debt she had due to her charging random shit to her credit card while she was a student.

Therefore I'm lucky to get $250 bucks a month from her in order to pay bills.

Between mortgage, insurance, utilities, entertainment, (cable,internet etc.) cell/phone bills. 58% of my earnings goes towards house bills. Not to mention food, gas and my own personal debt.

The wife gets a new job and is making more money. COOL!!!! Initially she states she'll be able to give me double of what she can. I'm still paying 45% of my monthly income. While she is only paying aprox 36 % of the bills. That's $500 bucks if you're still following.

I've been broke and barely able to make ends meet...and when the wife asks me to only give me $400 a month to help w/ bills and then we can start having kids in 2012. And I say no...that's bullshit, I'm at my wits end.

I'm still the asshole aren't I?
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Old 06-15-2010, 09:32 AM   #91
Mr. Plow Mr. Plow is offline
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You're saying that it might not be healthy in a marriage to be concerned if your wife cannot cover 42.8% of the monthly expenditures and if she wants to have more than 22.2% in disposable income?
It's just odd to me, but if it works for those that do it, great for them. It just sounds much more like a roommate than a marriage to me.
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Old 06-15-2010, 09:35 AM   #92
DeezNutz DeezNutz is offline
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It's just odd to me, but if it works for those that do it, great for them. It just sounds much more like a roommate than a marriage to me.
Couldn't agree more.
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Old 06-15-2010, 09:37 AM   #93
jidar jidar is offline
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Quite honestly I don't think we ever talked about having separate finances or any of that. It never occurred to either of us.
I think the first paycheck I made I came home with it and said "look at our money" which we then cashed and spent together. It all seemed so natural.
I look at these couples with separate finances and I wonder how they even got in that position in the first place...

In fact, If I place myself in Huffmans position right now and the very first thing that occurs to me is to give my wife as much money as possible to pay off her credit debt... the second thing that occurs to me is the best option which is sort the debt by APR and pay them off in that order while making the minimum payments on all the others. Either way it doesn't matter who's debt it is because there is no such thing, it's ours.

ps, thanks for making me feel good about my marraige. I'll probably show my wife this thread later.
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Old 06-15-2010, 09:40 AM   #94
Huffman83 Huffman83 is offline
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I would....if I wasn't busy paying for everything else.
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Old 06-15-2010, 09:53 AM   #95
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I heard that money is the number 1 reason for divorce or marriage problems.

Only in the first few years of marriage. After that it's not being able to keep your pants on out of the home.
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Old 06-15-2010, 10:00 AM   #96
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I don't know what it is...

but a girlfriend is always a strain on me because I have "big man" complex and pay for EVERYTHING...
Same here, dude.
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Old 06-15-2010, 10:19 AM   #97
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Originally Posted by Huffman83 View Post
It is...?
not really. no.
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Old 06-15-2010, 10:20 AM   #98
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Only in the first few years of marriage. After that it's not being able to keep your pants on out of the home.














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Old 06-15-2010, 10:56 AM   #99
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Huffman, yes you will still be the asshole, but that is because she is working out of being defensive as I'm sure she feels guilty about how much you pay and how much debt she actually does have, so look at it as her not being mad at you, but mad at the situation, even if sometimes it comes out as a personal attack against you.

The two of you need to sit down together and decipher how much debt you have. Of the debt there is, how much of it will have an effect on your credit and is debt you need to be caring about because of that? You need to plan a budget with her, show her what goes out verses what comes in, and factor in her bills to that as well. And then evenly distribute the money and come up with a plan to help her with her debt. And take her credit cards away too or see a financial counselor together who will tell her to give them up.
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Old 06-15-2010, 11:19 AM   #100
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worst post in the thread.
I'm assuming (hoping, really) that it was a joke.
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Old 06-15-2010, 11:22 AM   #101
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Separate checking accounts for married people seems completely silly to me. My brain cannot even begin to think of what that could do to a marriage. It's neither logical nor sustainable over time. Especially if one or the other had individual economic hardship. Seems that it would require so much compromise that it would invalidate the entire system.

Not that I'm an expert on marriage and finance... just thinking out loud...
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Old 06-15-2010, 11:53 AM   #102
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Christ. Some of you know what % of bills comes out of your check verse hers. That's crazy to me. I make a bit more - not much - than my wife does. But, when I'm figuring bills each month, I say "Ok, we have XXXX amount of dollars - how much needs to go to bills." We don't say "Ok, you made this much, you're money will go to X% & my money will cover X% of the bills."

Just seems really really weird to me. What's mine is hers and what's hers is mine.
Call me immature, but that is what I don't like about marriage. More and more it seems like marriage is about financial stability. I don't think love should be about money and/or using all your spouse's money when you didn't earn it. Sure this isn't an issue when you both make about the same amount of money and spend the same amount of money but what about the extreme circumstances. But it's about respect. If you make alot more than your wife, and in addition, she is spending 2x more money than you. That is bullshit.
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Old 06-15-2010, 07:38 PM   #103
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it has worked well for us for the last 9 years.

We don't have it down to every penny. Hubby gets paid 2 times a month and I get paid once a month. His check covers Vehicle and Insurance and the flexible utilities, cell cable and health insurance. He also puts a LOT in savings. Out of his checks, he pays for any CC usage that he made.

I get paid once a month. My check goes to the things that never change. Mortgage and the escrow for house insurance and taxes. I pay the student loans and also a home loan when we had a new AC/Heat unit installed. My check also pays for all the groceries and when we go out to eat. I also pay for any CC usage I have. My check also covers incidentals like Oil changes giving the daughter food money once in a while ect...

We are both on both accounts and the savings. It is not like we don't communicate or anything...we do. We keep all the bills together in a notebook and cross out when things get paid. This way tho, if I spend 50 bucks at the grocery store, he can't be upset because he was only planning to spend 30 on groceries and maybe 15 at the hardware store...


It works for us and we have not fought about money or bills since we started this method...OH and our credit has steadily gone up as we neither one want to be late or cause any strife.
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Old 06-15-2010, 08:09 PM   #104
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In matters such as this, I live by two truths ...

Truth 1: All marital income should be pooled and distributed by prior, mutual agreement.

Truth 2: Incompatibility occurs when the husband loses his income and the wife loses her patibility.

FAX
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Old 06-16-2010, 08:18 AM   #105
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In matters such as this, I live by two truths ...

Truth 1: All marital income should be pooled and distributed by prior, mutual agreement.

Truth 2: Incompatibility occurs when the husband loses his income and the wife loses her patibility.

FAX
I certainly hope that I don't lose my ability to pat.
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