Parenting advice needed: 13 yo female

[wutamess]

I know what to do with my younger ones because they're younger and I can discipline them pretty much at will but my 13 yo is at the age where she doesn't get spankings anymore.

So with her it's more punishments, etc. for the last 2 years or so.

Anyhow, reluctantly got her a phone for Xmas because of the wifes constant harping on the issue. I told wifey this is on her. So today I ask the daughter to clean the kitchen and empty out the dishwasher. After she left the kitchen I noticed eating utensils still in there. So I told her to clean it out. At that time, she had her phone in her hand.

I noticed she's been running to this phone a lot over the last couple of days. So she lays the phone down on the couch and I pick it up and go to my room to see what the "fun is all about".

When I initially gave her the phone, I told her not to call any boys, etc. I disabled text on the phone and web access but I knew kids act like prisoners and mind ways around everything.

So I went through her phone and she's been skyping a guy. Their conversation was basically useless until i saw that she must've been going out with the guy or something and she's trying to impress him to get his attention again but he doesn't seem interested anymore. Then she tells him about her cup size, how far she's been, etc.

Here's your answer Mr. Obvious next question: She's grinded on someone (while dancing at one of her previous schools dances). And she's french kissed someone. Haven't questioned her about it yet.

My question is... WTF do I do?

My initial gut feeling is to turn the phone off as I didn't really see a need for it anyways and it seems like more of a distraction/enabler more than anything. Besides, her friends all have cell phones if she needs to use one.

I'm more of a traditional raising parent. I think 13 is too young for a cell phone (NTTAWWT). I just think she needs one when she gets a car but not at the moment.

Don't really feel like looking dumb witty replies/smilies. Please keep it serious/mature for a moment before the shinanigans start..

Post (THE TALK) Update:
This morning...
So I had a lot of errands to do today so I told her to get ready we're about to go.

So we depart for a multitude of stores and while we're backing out of the garage the conversation goes like this...

Me: OK look... I'm going to need you to use the teenager voice right about now & not the lil shy voice. Use the voice you was using to (lil fugger).
Her: OK

Me: Are you ready for sex?
Her: No

Me: What's stopping you and why not?
Her: Becuase it'll hurt

Me: That's it?
Her: And because of AIDS and diseases

Me: So you're not ready because of AIDS and Diseases? So what are you ready for?
Her: IDK.. hugging and holding hands, and stuff.

Me: So if that's the case who was it you tongue kissed?
Her: Daddy I didn't tongue anyone, I was just saying that and the guy knew I was lying when I texted it.

Me: Looking at her (she knows she can tell me the truth).... Are you serious? You've never kissed anyone? REALLY?
Her: No! I've never kissed anyone.

Me: What about the time your sister and brother said you kissed so & so before?
Her: No I didn't kiss him or anyone. They're starting to kiss their boyfriends at school but I haven't kissed anyone.

Me: OK... not only do you have to worry about AIDS. You have to worry about herpes, gonereah, syphilis, HPV. Genital warts. 80% meaning 8 our of 10 people that have sex EVEN WITH CONDOMS have some form of HPV which causes cancer. So when you hear of people having cervical cancer, that's mainly the reason why they may have it. Hell your mother and I may have it. I've had an STD before so don't think it can't happen to you like I used to think it couldn't happen to me.

Me: And on a side note... Us guys are manipulative. You should never have to impress us. In the end, we only want one thing... We'll say we love you and make you even think it but we say it because all we want is to have sex with you. I've been there and done that and have had sexual encounters where I've used women. Once we think you're all in, we shit all over you. We don't want you because you're not a challenge to us anymore. The reason your auntie doesn't have a man because she's too available and guys take advantage of that. We want a challenge also, so just when you think you tell a guy you're not having sex, we look at it as a challenge to see how long we have to be in it til we have sex. That's all we think about. and we'll say and do anything to get it and use you until we get it.
Her (after I said much more to drive my point home): Do you love mama?

Me: Yes, that's a marriage. We were friends for years before everything. But make no mistake about it... I've never told a girl I loved her to get in her pants but I know plenty of guys that have. Then here's the kicker... Once you have sex with a guy that doesn't give a shit about you at school, he spreads the word to his friends. Then his friends try to get some from you. And if you have sex with one of his friends, you're immediately labeled a whore. Once you get the whore label, it's really hard to lose and you end up with a less pool of QUALITY boys to date. Real quality men want a woman/gf with morales.
Her: What's morales?

Me: It's a value system of being a good wholesome person. But if you don't have them in a man's eye, you'll attract nothing but losers.

Me: So do you understand about the importance of condoms?
Her: yes!

Me: Do you understand how sexting & sleeping with a guy can hurt your reputation?
Her: Yes!

Me: So do you have any questions?
Her: No.

Me: So when i gave you the phone, what'd I tell you?
Her: No boys.

Me: So why'd you do it?
Her: because I thought Skype didn't count
Me: REALLY? That you're final answer? If that's the case why'd you immediately just say no boys?
Her: Quiet.

I drove more points home but that was the basic conversation. Did I miss anything?
I was going to ask if she started touching herself but I really wouldn't gain anything from it by knowing so I 86'd the awkward conversation topic.
I look at that as a need to know basis. YUK!

[R8RFAN]

Originally Posted by wutamess

OK, read the topic for the post talk update.
Critiques wanted.

Can't believe I'm that guy to ask CP for advice but thanks guys.
Great ideas and input.

You have to wade thorough alot of bullshit but there are some fart smuckers here

[wutamess]

Originally Posted by Extra Point

IMO ZepSinger's right, and LAChieffan. See the floor? Ask how many friends she has that are pregnant? Put the serious face on, reinforce the talk. Her ceiling means a lot to you, as you want her to enjoy as much success as she can. Boys can be trouble, and we sure know how they think! 2 cents....

None of her friends are pregnant. She's/they're 13.
She's in all kinds of sports/social activities in one of the best school districts in the area.

[ShortRoundChief]

Originally Posted by wutamess

None of her friends are pregnant. She's/they're 13.
She's in all kinds of sports/social activities in one of the best school districts in the area.

The high school I went to now has daycare so the mothers won't drop out. Webb City has one of the finest sports programs in the area.

edit: that's what a current student told me but I haven't confirmed

[wutamess]

Originally Posted by MotherLover

The high school I went to now has daycare so the mothers won't drop out. Webb City has one of the finest sports programs in the area.

edit: that's what a current student told me but I haven't confirmed

I meant KC metro. Some of the highest MAP testing scores in MO.

[soopamanluva]

I thought you did pretty well. Might have driven home the pregnancy angle a little more along with the STD's tho.

[Hammock Parties]

Sounds like she's scared shitless of sex. Good job.

[R8RFAN]

Originally Posted by ClayWhit

Sounds like she's scared shitless of sex. Good job.

103,061 posts

[doomy3]

Originally Posted by R8ers

103,361 posts

wutamess's daughter isn't the only one who is scared shitless of sex.

[Hammock Parties]

BTW, I was clearly wrong about getting her mother to do the honors. It's obvious that little girl does not want to upset or disappoint daddy.

[Chief Pote]

I still have nightmares when both of our kids were between the ages of 13 to 15. Wait a minute, it was between 16 to 21...no wait a minute they were between the ages of 21 and 30. Damn it, this parenting thing sure gives you gray hairs.

[stevieray]

good job.

been down this road.


..two pieces of advice.

1) ask yourself, are you being the kind of husband/father you want her to grow up and marry?

2)let her know she's special, and that she needs to remember that when she finally does decide to give HERSELF to someone, they need to be special too. noone can give away her self respect except her.

I asked my oldest once if she wanted to go through high school being known as the slut who would be with anyone. I also told her that if she decided to do something, most of the school would know within days...sometimes fear can be a great motivator...the key is give them the information, so they can realize the situation on their own, and choose accordingly. that way, you don't come off in a negative way.

rog, you've got a great heart, your girls know this, even if they don't "know" it yet. stay the course, and be the dad.

grey hair central.

[R8RFAN]

Originally Posted by stevieray

good job.

been down this road.


..two pieces of advice.

1) ask yourself, are you being the kind of husband/father you want her to grow up and marry?

2)let her know she's special, and that she needs to remember that when she finally does decide to give HERSELF to someone, they need to be special too. noone can give away her self respect except her.

I asked my oldest once if she wanted to go through high school being known as the slut who would be with anyone. I also told her that if she decided to do soemthing, most of the school would know within days.

rog, you've got a great heart, your girls know this, even if they don't "know" it yet. stay the course, and be the dad.

grey hair central.

thats excellent advice, thanks

[JD10367]

Originally Posted by wutamess

OK, read the topic for the post talk update.
Critiques wanted.

Can't believe I'm that guy to ask CP for advice but thanks guys.
Great ideas and input.

Update sounds good, but you might want to let your wife handle the personal sex talk about touching yourself and all those womanly changes.

To clarify, let your wife talk to your daughter about touching herself.

If your wife touches herself, on the other hand, please ask her to log in and provide us pics. kthxbye.

[ShortRoundChief]

Originally Posted by R8ers

103,061 posts

mostly about nothing

[googlegoogle]